my life just took a turn for the worst

[basia]

Well, around last year I had a green cheek conure named Coco (RIP) she died from a fungal infection that she had received from her previous owners care. I was devastated... she was my first "larger" bird (I had budgies before) but after having her I fell in love with parrots ... I'm obsessed you could say, they are just the best! But anyway that's not the point here. A few months later after my grieving and depression period, I got an alexandrine parrot... I named her Chiquita. She was sooo sweeet I loved her soo much. I was going through really tough times emotionally, and when I felt down she would be my cheer up. She is what got me through.I took such good care of her because I was so paranoid that the same thing would happen to Chiquita. I made sure she was healthy and checked her droppings. Yesterday evening was supposed to be happy. I was baking sugar pie and my mother was cooking traditional polish food for family friends. I went to Chiquita and noticed she was sick .... like extremely sick. I took her to the vet and after trying for 2 hours they diagnosed her ....sorta.She ended up passing away, and all the vet knew is that all of her organs had failed. She couldnt tell me what it was or the cause. It's a mystery... she just had organ failure. Well anywyay this is my second feathered child in 3 years that passed. I don't know what to do. I was crying so much and in shock so much my mother almost thought i had too go to the hospital or something.I miss her sooo much... how am I going to go on without her? She was my happiness. I guess I just need time to get over it. I feel extremely guilty though ... even though it wasn't my fault i did everything I could.The weird thing is that she had NO symptoms of anything until later in the day. She was completely normal. I know birds are master of disguise when it comes to sickness but you can usually tell a few days before. she was fine that morning and then she wasnt. I dont know i just .... i miss her.
I swear I am cursed or something
why me ? I already knew what it felt like to lose a bird... why again?
the last thing I ever said to her was I LOVE YOU

 

[BillsBirds]

Having had birds for over 45 years, I have lost several myself for no apparent reason. I feel your pain and share your grief. You must keep in mind that you took great care of her, and sometimes these things happen. Birds are tough little guys, but, also at the same time, delicate creatures. Their organs are very different than any other kind of animal. There is nothing anyone can say to ease your heart. Try to think that God just wanted a little angel back, and yours was the one He chose.

 

[JerseyWendy]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Bill said it SO very well! You did everything in your power, so please don't feel guilty.

HUGS to you!!! Hang in there, please. We are all here for you.

 

[lotosha]

So sorry to hear those bad news. Wish from all my heart that next bird will live long long long and happy life!

 

[henpecked]

Were you using nonstick pans to cook with?

 

[antoinette]

So sorry for your loss
You had no wrong doings, please do not feel guilty.
Some things in life happen for a reason, and are unexplainable to us
Coco and Chiquita were blessed to have you as their guardian
Be strong, you have a wonderful support group here

 

[noblemacaw]

Nothing can ever prepare you for a loss so sudden. I am very sorry for your loss of Chiquita. I can also relate to your situation of losing your companions so close together. My Eclectus Joaquin had cancer in 2005. I was prepared for the cancer to take him and gave him pallative care until he passed. I was blessed enough to be able to be there for him when he passed. I was able to hold him and sing to him his favorite song. I told him it was alright to go, that he was loved and I thanked him for waiting for me to come to be with him.

Diego was my Illiger's macaw. June of 2011 after watching 2 hours of TV with me cuddling I commanded him to fly to his cage to potty and eat and he had trouble getting lift. Several moments later he collapsed in his cage his right side paralized. I rushed him to the clinic and his doctor attempted heroic methods to save him but the stroke took him. Diego was 9 years old.

Mihijo my Noble macaw I had since he was 2 and half months old. Everybody that had met Mihijo loved him. He was a one in a million parrot and the best ever. This little green bird loved everyone who interacted with him. I have many many many stories of our adventures, people never forget this parrot. October 2012 he had a heart attack during the night and passed.

Those three boys were suppose to out live me. Am I curses as you describe yourself? I almost gave up on parrots because I hurt so much with the loss of each of my boys. I almost cancelled taking Valentino my RFM.

I even called his breeder after Mihijo passed and was going to tell her to keep the money I paid for Valentino and to keep Valentino. We talked for over 2 hours and she helped me to see that to move forward with Valentino will eventually help me to heal. For the first time in almost 20 years I did not have a parrot in my home. For two months while I waited for Valentino to wean and be ready to come home the home was empty and my heart was breaking.

Those two months were very hard to get through. Even after Valentino arrived, after all the preparations and the wanting of the RFM since 1997 I still felt like I had this wall around my heart for him. I took care of him, hand fed him, began recall training and flying training, command training and playing, making sure Valentino settled in well and adjusted with us and our home. Valentino's care kept me on a schedule because I spent a lot of time sleeping and not working.

I can't tell you exactly when I began to realized Valentino was helping with the healing of my heart but I realized he was helping me grieve all my boys and it was okay to miss them still. Every once in a while Valentino will fly to the shrine where I have my boys ashes and some of their things and will beak/lick/tongue the containers their ashes are in. Then suddenly he will turn to face me, make eye contact with me then fly back to my shoulder. He will rub his face against my cheek and squeak that RFM baby sound.

Like you I was dealt some kind of ****ty hand with the health of my three boys. They each died way too young and I still miss them...every damn day....but I will tell you Valentino helps heal my heart and continues to do so. Everyday I am grateful I have such a creature in my life and I do know I love Valentino that I had room in my heart for the RFM that I didn't want after the death of my last boy.

YOU ARE NOT CURSED. Please understand that. You need to grieve your loss in your own way. Like Diego your Chiquita was taken from you so suddenly. That is a very hard thing to deal with right now and I can understand your hurt and loss.

Eventually you may find another parrot to share your life with. Right now you might feel like parrots are not for you but in time this way you feel might change. Please try to be open to that change of heart because there will be another parrot out there waiting for you.

Please take care.

 

[sodakat]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that the necropsy wasn't more definitive.

Honestly, I think many, many pet birds die quite young, contrary to what we think when we talk about the longevity of parrots. Almost anyone who keeps birds for years can tell you stories of loss, me included.

It is a big responsibility for a little bird to be the source of a person's happiness and the reason for them to enjoy life. I hope you can find joy in other ways also, then when the time is right bring another bird in to share your life.

 

[brianlinkles]

Were you using nonstick pans to cook with?

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. However this was the first thing that came to mind.

 

[basia]

Were you using nonstick pans to cook with?

Oh my gosh no not at all !!

 

[Abigal7]

I am sad for your lost. Even if we do not smoke, do not use non stick pans, give a healthy diet, and fresh water ever day etc I think some birds will die young. Yes, parrots can live along life in captivity but I think some still will die young whether in the wild or captivity. Do not blame yourself I know you take care of your birds and love them. All you can do is keep researching and learning. One thing I will ask is if your house has a basement and if you ever had your house tested for radon. I ask this because there are invisible stuff that can be deadly to birds and everyone else in the household. Coal miners use to take canaries in the mines. If the bird started getting sick etc and even died the miners turned around!

 

[josiesmom]

I'm so sad for you. Please don't blame yourself. Just try to remember how lucky he was to have someone who loved him as much as you did. >hugs<

 

[MissTaz]

I'm so so so sorry for your loss! I pray fro comfort for you. I can't even imagine how you feel. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless!!!!

 

[chippy]

I am SO very sorry for your loss.

 

[ruffledfeathers]

So sorry!! I did everything i could to have my Georgie live a long life but i lost her way too young as well and it still "freaks me out" sometimes if i think about it. There was no good reason for her death either. My heart is breaking for you and i know how you keep reliving that day in your head and how you are recalling the details of what you were doing and how it was supposed to be happy. I do the same thing over Georgie still.
Gilbert is probably the primary reason i dealt with losing Georgie so well. I put a deposit on him and started to focus on him instead of crying constantly!
I hope you feel a little more peace about it soon. I'm very sorry.