my GCC has changed and I'm sad

[ryusmum]

Feathered Family,
I have been Ryu's mum for years now and ever since my fiance moved in several months ago, I have seen my little one change towards me. I do not know if its because my OH (other half) gives the parrot a lot of treats (which I have instructed him to not overdo) or maybe it's because he's home more than I am to hang with the bird... but if Ryu is on his perch and I go to put him on my shoulder... he will walk across my body and go to my OH.
I don't know what to do or how to feel about this. I am glad that they have bonded and I am sad that I am no longer the preferred flock member.
Also, I have noticed that the bird won't let me pet him on the head anymore but OH can pet him wherever and however frequently.
Thoughts anyone ?

 

[ChristaNL]

My only thought: sorry, it sounds like you've been traded in for the improved model (that spends more time with the bird, dispenses more treats etc.etc.).

If you want (back) in on the action, have a talk with your OH about who hands out treats, when et.etc.
Parrots may have a very good brain, but that one is still undeniably governed by its stomach...

 

[itzjbean]

Parrots are very intelligent and often choose favorites, sometimes they switch favorites every couple months. Your other half is there more, spends more time with him and so yes, this is a natural thing to happen but nothing to worry about.

My cockatiel that I've been closely bonded to since he got home at 3 months (now 10 months) went through a phase where if he was out of the cage and my husband was nearby, he would immediately fly to him and perch on his shoulder. Once you get over the fact that it is okay and it happens, you will accept it and love your bird for who they choose at that time. In my eyes, as long as bird is getting attention from someone, I'm happy.

 

[ryusmum]

Thank you both ! Also, I am pregnant and wonder if maybe the bird can sense that

 

[ChristaNL]

Sensing no, he can probably see it though
Once your ligaments start loosening up your gait and other movements will change anyway-- and since birds miss very little...


(congrats btw, the world needs more birdlovers )

 

[Aratingettar]

Imo, it's more complicated than "more time with the bird, more treats".
Sometimes it... just happens. You need to live with it The bird just "chooses" his/her person, we "hoomans" have little to do with who will be the Choosen One
And in your situation (pregnacy) it might be even better - soon you'll focus on your Baby, why would you like your Birb to be frustrated by the lack of attention?

 

[EllenD]

Imo, it's more complicated than "more time with the bird, more treats".
Sometimes it... just happens. You need to live with it The bird just "chooses" his/her person, we "hoomans" have little to do with who will be the Choosen One
And in your situation (pregnacy) it might be even better - soon you'll focus on your Baby, why would you like your Birb to be frustrated by the lack of attention?

Took the words right out of my mouth...

There is usually no rhyme or reason why birds chooses who "their person" is, and a lot of the time they actually choose the person who does absolutely nothing for them at all, and they hate the person who does everything for them. It actually causes marriage issues in some cases, where one spouse buys a bird for themselves and the other spouse wants nothing to do with the bird, and the bird chooses the spouse that didn't want them in the first place...

I would definitely try to always be the one who gives him his treats and does all the "good" stuff with him and for him, but if your fiance is home with him all day long every day it's going to be quite difficult to change his mind. At the same time, you don't want your fiance to ignore the bird all day long while he's home, because you have to do what is best for the bird...Your pregnancy could also be a factor, as will the baby for sure (jealous and territoriality will no doubt come into play)...

 

[YSGC]

I know exactly how you feel since this has happened to me more than once.
Actually, I just started a thread on it: http://www.parrotforums.com/conures/79375-how-pico-adjusting-change-his-flock.html

We love and develop strong relationships with our birds.
It hurts when the devotion they had for us shifts to another person.
This can almost feel like a cheating SO so it's very natural and human to feel betrayed.
But I have to remind myself that while I am human, my parrot is not.
He's just doing what parrots do, and it's my job to understand and adjust my expectations.

Dogs have been selectively bred for zillions of generations for the characteristics that please us humans.
Parrots not so.
They are at most only a few generations removed from the wild.
IOW they are 99% wild animals.
We should be grateful that they get along with us at all.

It's reasonable to expect consistent "good" behavior from a long-domesticated animal, but from not a wild one.

Don't take Ryu's actions personally.
Rather, try to be happy that Ryu is behaving as a happy healthy natural parrot in a good home.

 

[YSGC]

FWIW I'll add.

Pico has fallen hard for my SO of 6 months.
I'm here 24/7 but my SO is here maybe 20% of the time.

In our case the bird prefers the person who spends much less time with him.

One of the joys of having a parrot is how I'm often confounded as I try to figure him out.

 

[Laurasea]

Congratulations on expecting! Maybe it's a good thing birdie switched to hubby, as you will be do busy with the baby.

 

[IndySE]

FWIW I'll add.

Pico has fallen hard for my SO of 6 months.
I'm here 24/7 but my SO is here maybe 20% of the time.

In our case the bird prefers the person who spends much less time with him.

One of the joys of having a parrot is how I'm often confounded as I try to figure him out.

Oh man, I'm in the same boat. My mom and I spend a LOT of time with the little birdie. I do all the ugly work of cleaning, feeding, and getting her toys, we both play with her... so of course my bird is enamored with my dad that she sees for maybe 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night. Talk about fair !

It's okay, though. Maybe its better for our relationship that we're just friends... She's a well-socialized bird, so she's by no means rejected me. She just prefers him.

Best of luck!

 

[EllenD]

I have often read through the many posts such as this one and it's responses, where the person who is supposed to be their bird's owner, the one who wanted the bird in the first place ends up not being the person their bird has chosen as "their person", and felt so relieved that I am currently single and live alone in my house...And then also scared to death at the same time about what will happen when I again meet someone...

I was married for about 3 years, and at that time I had only some Budgies and Cockatiels that were breeding-pairs and not pets, and my spouse was not at all an animal person, which is one of the main reasons they had to go!!!They didn't even like my dogs, which at the time included the most intelligent, well-behaved, well-trained, loving Australian Cattle Dog in the world, and a fat, wrinkly, cute as a button lap-loving Pug! How do you hate a Pug??? Well they did, so you can imagine how they felt about the birds! I remember getting-up every 3 hours during the night to hand-feed chicks (I would sleep in the spare bedroom during the first 2 weeks after pulling chicks from the nest-box, so I wouldn't wake them up multiple times throughout the night), and I remember sitting in the chair at 4:00 in the morning, hand-feeding Cockatiel chicks that were only 3 weeks old, and having my spouse walk into the room after getting up to use the bathroom...They walked in while I had a little 3 week-old Cockatiel chick in my hand, feeding away, his little crop blowing-up, the most adorable thing in the world, and my spouse walked over, bent-over and looked at the chick, and then said "That is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I'd just flush them...". That' was it for me...

But I do often wonder how I would react if when in the future I get into a serious relationship again and have the person move into my house, and it ends-up that Kane, Duff, Lita, or my little Bowie would suddenly start giving their affection and love to my SO...I honestly don't know if I could handle that...Seriously, that makes me nauseous and causes me anxiety just thinking about it...

So I give all of you who are dealing with this issue great credit for being able to handle the situation, because I honestly think that this issue would most-likely cause my human relationship to eventually break-up, and I don't think that it would take long for it to happen. I couldn't have my own human children due to health issues and finally a complete Hysterectomy/Oopherectomy, so my animal kids are quite literally my children and my family...And if Bowie or Kane or Lita or Duff suddenly stopped allowing me to touch or hold them, stopped flying to me when I call them, stopped wanting to sit with me/on me at night while I read or we while we watch movies, or if Kane suddenly stopped wanting to constantly go out with me hiking, biking, shopping, etc. in the summertime, I would be absolutely crushed and just a wreck...So you are all to be commended for being able to be strong about this issue and hang in there...

There is always hope that you'll be able to work out your issues with your birds, and it should be said that sometimes when they switch their preference from one person to another living in the home/Flock, it can actually be related to hormones raging; so it's quite possible that it may be a temporary phase that your bird is going through, and that as their hormones calm down their attitude will change. However, it's very important that you don't give-up and that you keep on doing everything the same way as you always have, if not being even more persistent in being the person that does all of the "Good Stuff", while your spouse/SO who the bird has taken a liking to isn't the "Treat Person" or the person who does any of the things that your bird loves the most...

That being said, remember that if your spouse or SO is home all day long with your bird and you are not, you really do need to think about what's best for the physical and mental health of your bird...You don't want your bird locked inside of it's cage all day long, every day, when your spouse/SO is actually there all day and your bird could actually be out of their cage all day long. I would not have your spouse stop letting your bird out of their cage all day long, but rather let them out and keep an eye on them of course, because they shouldn't be unsupervised and flying all over the house doing whatever they want, but your spouse/SO also doesn't have to have the bird sitting on them all day long, petting and scratching them, playing with them, feeding them treats, etc. either...It's about finding a happy medium and making sure that whenever you are at home and with your bird that you make the very most of it...

 

[YSGC]

Ellen, thanks for that post.
It's very honest, deep, and personal.
I appreciate it as I also tend to get very personal and transparent in my posts.

Parrot passion is not usual, so it's great how the Internet brings us together. :
Also, even if readers just lurk, the educational component here improves the lives of pet parrots around the world. :59:

 

[LaManuka]

I wonder if it's just the novelty of your other half's newness. I would be heartbroken too if my baby decided to take up with someone else (sob!) Our cockatiel Fang started out as a mummy's boy, then gradually transitioned over to my husband for the most part, but he still comes back to me when he wants a skritch and I'm happy with that. You may find Pico changes his mind once the boyfriend's novelty wears off so keep up whatever positive interaction with him that you can and just be there to love him if/when he comes crawling back!

 

[lplummer52]

Birdie preferred me, of course, when we first got her as a hand fed baby. Because I fed her and played with her, etc. Then my husband decided she was pretty cute and started interacting with her A LOT! Mainly, he lets her eat with him at every meal. So Birdie was literally attached to him for the next two years. It really didn't bother me because every now and then she would come to see me and let me give her scritches. All of a sudden recently she's glued to me and my husband is sad. They are fickle. Don't let it bother you. As long as she still steps up for you and is not afraid of you, she is a "family bird." The best kind!

 

[Alehner529]

Mine goes through phases where she will velcro to her "flavor of the week" person. She will flip flop between my husband and I, and even a few friends who are over a lot.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

[wrench13]

hi. besides being the ONLY bearer of his fav treat, try to get some alone time with your parrot. re-boot your rekationship with him, like starting over. Try having some structured time with him, like maybe a training session every night, teaching him simple tricks, with lots of verbal and treat rewards. My Salty loves my son Erik, and readily will spend a whole evening on his shoulder, but I am the one who give him scratchies and plays with him and who has a nightly training session, religiously every nite. So your parrot CAN have more than one human in his life. Just be patient, stick to the schedule you decide upon and good luck

 

[noodles123]

I don't know if it's already been said, but make sure that anyone, including your OH is ONLY petting him on the head (even if he can pet him elsewhere). You do not want him becoming sexually interested, which could easily happen...
It is likely just the novelty of the situation. My bird preferred my ex- boyfriend for a few months (when I first got her). Then she switched to me but still really liked him. When we visit my parents, she is obsessed with my dad. In that context she is like a 6th grade girl and ..He is like her obsessive middle school crush...while I am like the good friend lol. If they hung out more, I am not sure whether that would change or not, but she sees in shot short bursts, so he is always novel.