My Ekkie prefers my husband. . .

[kesma]

We just brought home our beautiful Eclectus boy, Kokomo, about a month ago. He is 8 years old. I have been working very hard to transition him and get him used to our family. The family he had before was very similar to ours: kids, dogs, etc. The transition has been pretty easy. Kokomo clearly prefers men and especially my husband. He sits with him for hours and they talk and snuggle. Frankly, I AM ENVIOUS! lol. I want to hang out with Kokomo too but he is not the same way with me. What can I do to help develop that kind of bond with him? Should I just back off since his transition is going so well and he has a good bond with my husband?

 

[Chikoo]

Ekkies will bond with the whole family, they are not one person birds. Try to remember this. They will bond more to one person sometimes, but it is not an exclusive bond. They are different with each person they bond to.

My female eclectus has a strong bond with me and my wife. But she is different with my wife. She will make these excited sweet sounds just at the sound of her voice. And in many ways, I can tell she prefers the female company. On the other hand, she has totally bonded with me, and we have our things we do together, and she will fly to both of us.

We just introduced a male ekkie to the flock, and he seems to prefer men. He is not a huge fan of my wife, although he is starting to bond with her. He more readily will come to me, and seems to enjoy being with me more. His previous owner was a male, and he bonded to him more than his wife as well, but the previous owners also told me that he would talk more to the wife, even though apparently bonded to the husband.

So they are just different with everyone. I used to get jealous when I thought my female was bonding more to my wife, or liked her more. But then I realized she just has her own relationship to both of us. I try to create a family circumstance as much as possible with these birds. I have them both with us at dinner, and tried to keep them in a collective, to keep things balanced, and because I can tell they really like that. In the wild, they exist in family units, so it is instinctive for them.

Don't think about it too much, Kokomo will bond to your entire family, especially you and your husband. It will just take some time, and he will develop his unique relationship to each one of you. How old is he anyways?

 

[kesma]

Thank you so much! This is very helpful. Kokomo is 8.
After putting this in the forums this morning, I leaned in to give Kokomo a kiss while he was sitting on my husband's desk. Kokomo bit my lip pretty hard - drew blood. He is teaching me his boundaries. I am probably just too anxious to be close to him. Thanks for the great information and encouragement!

 

[Pedro]

My advice would be to take it slow, you have to gain his trust. Clearly for the moment he feels more comfortable with hubby. It could take him months to warm up to you, maybe never. Being in a family unit doesn't necessarily mean he will get on with everyone in the family. Trying taking no notice of him, that usually works with some. Especially if your eating something he might like.LOL. He'll be on your lap so quickly just to share. Word of warning don't let him anywhere near your face until you can completely trust each other.

 

[lpolliard]

I agree Ekkies can bond with a whole family but they do have preferences. My Chico prefers males and has bonded to me closely. Maybe too closely. He is a little clingy, but I enjoy this attention most of the time. My 20 year old daughter has a good relationship with Chico as well and can jump in on my time with Chico with no adverse reactions by Chico. The GF not so much. I think the difference is the established pecking order. My daughter plays with Chico aggressively where the GF is noticeably timid when interacting. Remember not to reinforce bad behavior. Don't allow your husband to come get Kokomo if he bites you. That just teaches him to bite. I bite you and my favorite person comes and gets me...hmmmm. I would only interact with Kokomo when the hubby is not in the room. This way his attention is on you and how much fun he is having with you. You can also ban your husband from feeding and treating Kokomo for a short time until he bonds more closely to you :41:

 

[kesma]

Great ideas. Looks like my husband and I will need to each have our alone time with him for a while. Hubby works from home so he gets a lot of time with him during the day. Nights will be my time with Kokomo.

Kokomo is very helpful with my husband's work by the way. LOL! Like to rip the papers he is working on, take the keys off the keyboard, jump into desk draws, throw all the pens on the floor. Hubby has never had so much fun at work. I have fun just watching them. Maybe that's all I need.

 

[melbourned]

Don't worry. Our Winston is 16 years old, we adopted him last year. He preferred me for several months then he was in love with my wife. Last week he didn't want either of us, now he's back to my wife. We were told he preferred men when we adopted him a year ago but that was obviously not accurate. He's family and loves both of us.

We also adopted a 6yr old ekkie, Montego about 6 months ago, who loves everyone, especially children which we were warned was a no no. He loves when the grandkids come over.

 

[mtdoramike]

My male eclectus prefers my company over my wife's. But with that being said, any time he is on my wife's arm or shoulder, he will try humping her and especially her hand. So she doesn't interact with Mac that much, if she does, she lets him no, no funny business or else he will get dumped off to me.