My Dream is Crushed

[Kinny]

*sighs* I don't know what to do...

My heart has just been broken. The reason I started bird breeding/hand-raising in the first place was with a goal to gain experience so one day I could own a Macaw. Partly because my husband only see's the income side of it and I have to earn the money myself for a Macaw.. besides I just love my birds! So many reasons for it.. but the main starting reason was the Macaw one day.

My husband just told me he regrets ever letting me get a bird in the first place because now I'm very into the breeding.. but he is the one who wanted me to start breeding to earn the money - and i then found my own reasons for it.. because just money is not what I'm about. I have my Art for that...

Now my husband is saying people aren't supposed to have Pets, why, back in the day it was only the royal family who had Pets. I mentioned companionship.. he said that's what people are for.. and that animals don't have souls/spirits. Ok..i agree, but they have something else about them that makes them utterly amazing!!! .. But he now doesn't want us to have ANY pets.. and I've found myself crying today (i know.. pregnancy hormones don't help!) because that means the whole reason i started these things was my goal and dream of having a Blue and Gold Macaw one day..

EVERYTHING i've done.. Art-wise, ANYTHING.. there's always been that little dream in the back of my mind of the Blue and Gold Macaw... One day... one day! But now my husband refuses... even though he promised a couple of years ago that I shall get my Macaw when we can afford/manage it.

My husband IS an amazing man and almost always tries to do anything and everything for me.. but this is my biggest dream, it always has been..since i was a little child... And it's just broken my heart how he's suddenly decided "Actually, no, you shall never obtain your dream." ..ok he didn't say that.. but that's how it feels to me.. D': I still of course want to own one, one day.. but my husbands words always impact me greatly, for better or worse...

I'm just feeling very upset...

 

[Kalidasa]

Tell him you are royal, and he needs to recognize.

 

[Kinny]

LOL.. I didn't think anything could lift my spirits but you just made me laugh. :')

 

[Freespin]

Thats very unfair and selfish of him, but he decided so suddenly, maybe tomorrow he will change his mind? I just can not understand people who dont get what i get from animals. I cant imagine living animal free, my dogs, horses and birds have been on countless occasions the only things that have kept me sane through the tough times. Im not a huge people person, it sounds like your husband is the opposite.
It breaks my heart to see kids grow up without animals, they learn so much from them and know they will always have a friend, no matter what. Animals are so often the only thing that can get through to a person, pull them from a rutt. Prisons, therapy (physical and mental), elderly homes etc.

Im sorry im not much help, im tired and grumpy today =/

 

[Sadie13]

i 100% agree with Kalidasa

i am so sorry you're dealing with that....i know my husband is my main support system. He was indifferent about pets and still has the "take em or leave em" attitude (although i think he is secretly more head over heals about opal then i am).... but one thing he has said to me and maybe you can share with your husband: "you only have one life and one shot at happiness...i married you to share what makes US happy and its not my place to take what makes you happy away from you, its my place to share in it with you"

he is a good guy and 4 dogs and 3 birds later he still wont tell me no...maybe a change of perspective will help?

good luck you will get your macaw one day!

 

[Kinny]

Something's been up for a while.. and now that he's said that I know that's what it was... So I don't know.. :/ He said he has some issues being patient with animals like every time the birds squawk he gets frustrated..apparently it's harder for him because they don't have 'spirits' so they aren't important. :'( It breaks my heart because then I think of my old Muta, and think "So he wasn't important!?" ... *sigh* He did grow up with a cockatiel and dogs...

I know! Another reason I want the Macaw it it would teach the kids so much! And they'd have a family pet/friend for years! My husband isn't a big people person, nor am I.. I'm only highly social with good friends that I've had for years. I think i love animals partly because they don't harm you with evil intent.. Aww it's ok.. we can be grumpy together *hugs*

Thats very unfair and selfish of him, but he decided so suddenly, maybe tomorrow he will change his mind? I just can not understand people who dont get what i get from animals. I cant imagine living animal free, my dogs, horses and birds have been on countless occasions the only things that have kept me sane through the tough times. Im not a huge people person, it sounds like your husband is the opposite.
It breaks my heart to see kids grow up without animals, they learn so much from them and know they will always have a friend, no matter what. Animals are so often the only thing that can get through to a person, pull them from a rutt. Prisons, therapy (physical and mental), elderly homes etc.

Im sorry im not much help, im tired and grumpy today =/

Awww! Well my husband hasn't said no about anything animal related until now.. and now with all his regret I'm angry because if he had said No earlier then i wouldn't feel so guilty! It's because of me and my love for birds/animals that he's frustrated now...

OOh thats a good thing to say But my husband thinks I have an obsession.. because I keep wanting more birds >.< ARGH HE'S THE ONE WHO ENCOURAGED THE BREEDING!! Eh -_- I keep 'wanting' more because he keeps talking about bigger parrots to earn more money.. and the only way I have have MY birds is to sort of go along with him.. I don't mind breeding more birds.. it's just very difficult when he complains about the cost of feeding them. *sighs sharply* Because now I almost just want to sell all of them to get him off my back.. but then I love them too much and can't do that to them!

Maybe :S Part of the problem is that i just want Pets, he wants to make money from them, and we can't do that if we just buy pets instead of breeding them all ourselves.. *sighs* We are Christian (or trying to be true Christians) so it confuses me how he can be so into the money side.. I try to tell him that God will provide for us, but he suddenly blurted out that God only provides for our children (so, people) not animals... ........ What the!? Well I'm now utterly confused!!!

i 100% agree with Kalidasa

i am so sorry you're dealing with that....i know my husband is my main support system. He was indifferent about pets and still has the "take em or leave em" attitude (although i think he is secretly more head over heals about opal then i am).... but one thing he has said to me and maybe you can share with your husband: "you only have one life and one shot at happiness...i married you to share what makes US happy and its not my place to take what makes you happy away from you, its my place to share in it with you"

he is a good guy and 4 dogs and 3 birds later he still wont tell me no...maybe a change of perspective will help?

good luck you will get your macaw one day!

 

[RavensGryf]

I'm SO sorry to hear this. That is not fair of him at all. I'm even feeling offended here! My ex didn't want me to get any more birds either, but now he's out of my life so it doesn't matter, but I remember feeling like I was not going to accept that!

I wonder why the abrupt change of his mind? It almost doesn't make sense to me. I do hope he will have a change of heart. A bird as large as a B&G will really make him crazy when it screams in the house if he doesn't want it. I know this is your big dream, but if you had to, and he was okay with a smaller bird (but bigger than the Kakarikis), would you find yourself able to consider a species other than a large macaw? Best of luck with this difficult issue.

 

[Kinny]

And my Muta was the only one who actually somehow knew how i felt, and he would comfort me.. So to hear anyone especially my husband say anything about regretting Muta into our lives is very hard for me.. Muta also kept my past depression away, he worked wonders!

 

[MikeyTN]

Oh boy! Remind him of the agreement and how it would make you happy. Happy wife happy life!

 

[Kinny]

Mmm.. I know i can't go through with it without his agreement, but i feel like i just can't accept it either!

Well, nothing can take the place of my dream if a Blue and Gold Macaw. But I could get by if I had to without one.. But i would need a parrot (probably a kak, its the birds character i adore most) to be able to get by.. They have become such a large part if my life..and my kids live birds too.. No people can help my depression (its just a negative thinking pattern stemming from my childhood/how i was raised) or fill that tiny spot - it is only for parrots. Funny isn't it, how my depression/negative thinking patterns begin to go away/change when i have a pet parrot around the house... So yes, i could get by, it'd just be hard, since its always been my biggest dream.

I'm SO sorry to hear this. That is not fair of him at all. I'm even feeling offended here! My ex didn't want me to get any more birds either, but now he's out of my life so it doesn't matter, but I remember feeling like I was not going to accept that!

I wonder why the abrupt change of his mind? It almost doesn't make sense to me. I do hope he will have a change of heart. A bird as large as a B&G will really make him crazy when it screams in the house if he doesn't want it. I know this is your big dream, but if you had to, and he was okay with a smaller bird (but bigger than the Kakarikis), would you find yourself able to consider a species other than a large macaw? Best of luck with this difficult issue.

Haha, thanks Mikey.. I'll try.

 

[thekarens]

Relationships are made of compromises and you always have to pick your battles, which brings me to this. If it truly was your dream then I'd stick to my guns. I'm willing to compromise and give in on most things, but if it's REALLY important to me then I will do battle. That doesn't mean screaming and yelling, just not giving in and being persistent.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

 

[RavensGryf]

Mmm.. I know i can't go through with it without his agreement, but i feel like i just can't accept it either!

Well, nothing can take the place of my dream if a Blue and Gold Macaw. But I could get by if I had to without one.. But i would need a parrot (probably a kak, its the birds character i adore most) to be able to get by.. They have become such a large part if my life..and my kids live birds too.. No people can help my depression or fill that tiny spot - it is only for parrots. Funny isn't it, how my depression goes away when i have a pet parrot around... So yes, i could get by, it'd just be hard, since its always been my biggest dream.

It completely makes sense how you and Muta had that wonderful connection that no one else can understand. It's proven that an animal can reach a person in ways nothing else can. As Freespin mentioned, that's why they bring animals into retirement homes, use animals as therapy pets etc.

 

[RavensGryf]

Relationships are made of compromises and you always have to pick your battles, which brings me to this. If it truly was your dream then I'd stick to my guns. I'm willing to compromise and give in on most things, but if it's REALLY important to me then I will do battle. That doesn't mean screening and yelling, just not giving in and being persistent.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

Meaning that first the cage comes in... Then it starts getting filled with toys... Haha you know the rest! I agree with Karen, but every relationship is different. Good luck

 

[Kinny]

thekarens.. You just helped my tiny little smoke pit create a tiny spark. :') i would gladly give up all my birds (except my kaks... They are far too special) and so much more if it meant i could one day have my Macaw..

Raven, you've made me cry.. (in a good way) knowing that someone understands is so helpful! *hugs*

 

[Kinny]

I think its also because Im somewhat of a behaviouralist (if thats a word?) so its sort of inbuilt into me that if im happy and calm and show love and affection, that the animals will see that and be happy too.. Etc.

 

[RavensGryf]

Aww, I'm so glad it was in a GOOD way, or else I'd feel so bad lol!

 

[crimson]

your husband and my husband need to chat

your husband sounded like mine did, exactly. Resented me buying more birds, more food, more toys.....well you get the idea. all he saw was $$$$$ going out the window.

it takes years to build any business, and if you do it correctly you will make some money.

we had a huge blow up one day about all the birds, at this time I had near 60 of them.
He pays for all the food, vet bills, toys etc....and was so fed up with the whole noise level, time consuming, bird mess.....trust me I get where you are at right now.

What I have done is pay him back, every penny. I've paid for all my birds, everyone of them, all the cages. those are now mine. I've managed to pay for some of the vet bills, or a certain toy I've had my eye on.

I have worked tirelessly to earn what I do, and with really no money to show for it.
Even when I breed, and have chicks, I am still paying him for something, whether it's a bird I wanted to purchase and couldn't afford at the time, or what ever.

He seems to appreciate the fact that I am now returning the favour.
somehow he now understand what it means to me to do this. I literally put my life on hold so we could raise our autistic son, he needed so much help, it was a full time job.

Now I am at least making some money and helping out with the bills etc....

sorry this is so long, but you have got to stick to your beliefs, maybe one day he will understand that you would never ask him to give up his dream.

 

[thekarens]

Relationships are made of compromises and you always have to pick your battles, which brings me to this. If it truly was your dream then I'd stick to my guns. I'm willing to compromise and give in on most things, but if it's REALLY important to me then I will do battle. That doesn't mean screening and yelling, just not giving in and being persistent.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

Meaning that first the cage comes in... Then it starts getting filled with toys... Haha you know the rest! I agree with Karen, but every relationship is different. Good luck

ROFL! You must have been reading my mind.

 

[Mike17]

Something's been up for a while.. and now that he's said that I know that's what it was... So I don't know.. :/ He said he has some issues being patient with animals like every time the birds squawk he gets frustrated..apparently it's harder for him because they don't have 'spirits' so they aren't important. :'( It breaks my heart because then I think of my old Muta, and think "So he wasn't important!?" ... *sigh* He did grow up with a cockatiel and dogs...

I know! Another reason I want the Macaw it it would teach the kids so much! And they'd have a family pet/friend for years! My husband isn't a big people person, nor am I.. I'm only highly social with good friends that I've had for years. I think i love animals partly because they don't harm you with evil intent.. Aww it's ok.. we can be grumpy together *hugs*



Im sorry im not much help, im tired and grumpy today =/

Awww! Well my husband hasn't said no about anything animal related until now.. and now with all his regret I'm angry because if he had said No earlier then i wouldn't feel so guilty! It's because of me and my love for birds/animals that he's frustrated now...

OOh thats a good thing to say But my husband thinks I have an obsession.. because I keep wanting more birds >.< ARGH HE'S THE ONE WHO ENCOURAGED THE BREEDING!! Eh -_- I keep 'wanting' more because he keeps talking about bigger parrots to earn more money.. and the only way I have have MY birds is to sort of go along with him.. I don't mind breeding more birds.. it's just very difficult when he complains about the cost of feeding them. *sighs sharply* Because now I almost just want to sell all of them to get him off my back.. but then I love them too much and can't do that to them!

Maybe :S Part of the problem is that i just want Pets, he wants to make money from them, and we can't do that if we just buy pets instead of breeding them all ourselves.. *sighs* We are Christian (or trying to be true Christians) so it confuses me how he can be so into the money side.. I try to tell him that God will provide for us, but he suddenly blurted out that God only provides for our children (so, people) not animals... ........ What the!? Well I'm now utterly confused!!!

i 100% agree with Kalidasa

i am so sorry you're dealing with that....i know my husband is my main support system. He was indifferent about pets and still has the "take em or leave em" attitude (although i think he is secretly more head over heals about opal then i am).... but one thing he has said to me and maybe you can share with your husband: "you only have one life and one shot at happiness...i married you to share what makes US happy and its not my place to take what makes you happy away from you, its my place to share in it with you"

he is a good guy and 4 dogs and 3 birds later he still wont tell me no...maybe a change of perspective will help?

good luck you will get your macaw one day!

[/QUOTE]

Quite frankly I find discussions on whether animals have "spirits" or not to be utter nonsense. We can't talk religion on this forum (for good reasons, I know) so I have to bite my tongue, metaphorically speaking, but this sounds like a very poor reason for suddenly not wanting the birds around. Your keeping pets, Kinny, is part of "you" and YOUR spirit as for many people, pets "complete" them in ways which are different to marriage (with a human ). It just seems to me there are other factors in play here. You just have to be strong and keep to your dream of the B&G macaw, it's a worthy and worthwhile dream.

My wife is of a religion other than Christian and she's adamant that all animals have "spirits". That's irrelevant, really, because you've chosen a particular path with your birds, and you should stick to it. If you do "get out of" birds there may be something else down the track you have to give up.

 

[Betrisher]

I'm just wondering whether he's using the birds as a sort of vent for what's really up his nose?

If he made promises to you about keeping birds and is reneging on the promises, then something major is tickling his nostril hairs. Why don't you take him for a drive in the car and tackle him about it while you've got him captive? Maybe he's a lot more concerned about the cost of birds than he's letting on? If he's the major bread-winner right now, then he might really be stressing about it, especially with another baby on the way. There's nothing quite like a pregnancy to frighten a man about his financial solvency, I find. Whatever it is, you can only talk about it and be honest. You need also to realise the upkeep of your home and provision for your kids is kinda more pressing right now than your dream of a macaw. This is exactly why I don't have one and probably never will.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post a different point of view for you to consider.