Must sacrifice my birdie for my marriage

[ddsandl]

About 10 years ago I inherited my sweet senegal from my daughter when she realized she was terrified of him. (He drew blood from her many times, even after we called in a "bird whisperer" to assist us.) Since then, he has given me many years of pleasure. He is the sweetest little guy, and I can do just about anything with him. Unfortunately, he HATES my husband. I mean HATES. And it is mutual. As much as it breaks my heart to do so, I need to find a home where he will be loved and showered with attention, but I'm afraid he might initially be mean to a new owner, since he is actually mean to everyone besides me. What can I do? I can't even consider giving him to an organization where he might not be handled and doted on. He deserves a wonderful owner, but probably one who is single and planning on staying that way. If I don't find a home for him soon, that could be me! Obviously, I don't want any money for him, but I am wary of giving him away for fear he could go to someone who wouldn't value him.
My husband is really "done" with this issue, and I can no longer fight him on it. At the end of the day, I do love him more than my bird. (A little.) Has anyone had any experience with finding a home for a pet like this?

 

[SharonC]

Levi, my Linnie, hates my husband. If he were bigger, Ken would be in hospital! LOL! I keep Levi clipped, so a flying attack is not possible, and Ken gives Levi lots of space. Maybe if you could keep the bird and husband apart, it would be possible to keep him.

 

[Echo]

Where are you located?

 

[mtdoramike]

About 10 years ago I inherited my sweet senegal from my daughter when she realized she was terrified of him. (He drew blood from her many times, even after we called in a "bird whisperer" to assist us.) Since then, he has given me many years of pleasure. He is the sweetest little guy, and I can do just about anything with him. Unfortunately, he HATES my husband. I mean HATES. And it is mutual. As much as it breaks my heart to do so, I need to find a home where he will be loved and showered with attention, but I'm afraid he might initially be mean to a new owner, since he is actually mean to everyone besides me. What can I do? I can't even consider giving him to an organization where he might not be handled and doted on. He deserves a wonderful owner, but probably one who is single and planning on staying that way. If I don't find a home for him soon, that could be me! Obviously, I don't want any money for him, but I am wary of giving him away for fear he could go to someone who wouldn't value him.
My husband is really "done" with this issue, and I can no longer fight him on it. At the end of the day, I do love him more than my bird. (A little.) Has anyone had any experience with finding a home for a pet like this?

This is really sad, I feel your pain. But it sounds to me like you have done everything you can do and it just isn't enough. If your husband is worth keeping, then the bird must go. Unfortunately this seems to be the case with so many unwanted birds. There is a classified section on this forum as well as other bird forums out there. Craigslist is another great way to re-home your bird. I recently got my Senegal from a Craigslist ad after losing my 14 year old lab two days before Christmas to a stroke, which left a hole in me and my wife's heart. But Tiki has more than filled that void.

Good luck,
Mike

 

[wildheart]

My ringneck hates everybody, except me, and will and does attack and bite at every opportunity. The key is not to give her the opportunity - that is all. We've been living with this little terrorist for almost a year now.

Living with him will be much easier than finding an owner that he will like. He will attack and he will most probably end up being locked in his cage, he will have a dirty cage and be ignored. He can even end up in a basement like so many other birds that we've come to learn about.

He did not ask to be a captured bird.

 

[calzican]

If he can't fly and attack what's the problem? Tell your husband to give it time and space and maybe one day the bird will accept him. I am going through the same thing with my AG I can handle her anyway but she attacks everyone else.

 

[antoinette]

My ringneck hates everybody, except me, and will and does attack and bite at every opportunity. The key is not to give her the opportunity - that is all. We've been living with this little terrorist for almost a year now.

Living with him will be much easier than finding an owner that he will like. He will attack and he will most probably end up being locked in his cage, he will have a dirty cage and be ignored. He can even end up in a basement like so many other birds that we've come to learn about.

He did not ask to be a captured bird.

Hey hey hey, don't call my little star a terrorist

Sterretjie DID like me once, remember I kissed her during our first visit.

THEN on another visit, I tried to pick her up, Sterretjie bit my finger, my pointer and held on for dear life. I lifted my hand, off the floor, stood up and she was still holding on, biting me. Eventually she let go thank goodness. Sterretjie took a little chunk from my finger, and I bled. I have never been bitten by a bird, and let me tell you, it was so eina, stayed that way for 5 weeks.


I totally agree with Linky, try keep him, he could become more aggressive and bit even more if moved.

Linky is always on alert when Sterretjie is near ANYONE, they are warned before hand, to keep their distance.
I swear Linky was given a few extra sets of eyes,

the way she keeps tabs on all her "little children" when they are out, and looking out for the human flock as well.

 

[_Cass_]

Aweh, This must be a very difficult desision to make. All of us on this site know exactly what it feels like to love a bird, and I know first hand it isn't easy to let them go for any reason. If it were me, I'd probably keep the bird. Haha, if Toulouse is still alive when I get married and my husband/fiance/boyfriend doesn't like him.. well srry boy, the bird's got first dibs >_<. Haha but I'm strange like that.

Where are you located? Good luck on finding a great home for your Senie.

 

[sunnysmommy]

Can't you keep them apart? I would do that and visit him in the room he's in. If he's not very handleable he just might end up unloved in a basement. I'd try anything to keep him. It's all about making some changes and adjustments is all! We recently took in an Amazon that was kept in a freezing cold basement and had no water. We're making progress with him but he bites severely and is totally unhandlable. We're just making adjustments. Your husband loves you, I'm sure he won't let your heart be broken by allowing you to let go of your beloved friend.

 

[Andrea_AUST]

I brought Ozzy home without knowing much at all about caring for birds but given he was to be an inside pet, he was always going to live by our house rules -a home he shares with 5 big dogs, a cat, seahorses ... ahh ... what a challenge!

I've spent the last 20 years working with difficult dog behaviours (and more recently 7 years ago, horses...) all of them without exception always did best with strong leadership and clear boundaries. Get this wrong with multiple horses and you can die. Dogs bite when scared ... mostly because they're unsure. I know horses will kick and bite if they have no respect for a person ... I can't help but wonder why birds or any other animals that survive by numbers would be any different.

Its not about bullying or powering over another beast, the terminology I like is mutual respect. Respecting an animal and what frightens it, what motivates it and what helps it feel safe and secure is key to most of them living in harmony with us humans.

My partner took a big package of animals when he asked me to live with him 7 years ago There was never a question of them or me - or that they would suddenly live outside. In that though I respect the fact that I it is up to me to keep things clean so he doesn't feel like he's living in a zoo. I get that ... so I spend a lot of time cleaning...but throw me an altimatum and the animals would win because I feel they depend on me more.

I have taken in dogs that have been abused, and the best way I have found to overcome their unwanted behaviours is to ensure the action does not profit them. In other words, give them no good reason to repeat the behaviour. It takes a great deal of consistency and as many as 20-30 repeatitions before the message gets through but I have found it never fails.

Ozzy has had the same - he can bite of course, he's just a baby and like most young animals, they need to learn bite control. A simple 'Ahhh' with a disgruntled voice seems to get his attention. If he persists, back to the cage he goes.

I've had him less than a week and already when he hears my 'ahhh' he pops his head up and looks at me ... this is good!! "Atta a boy Ozzy...gentle " - positive reinforcement. If he ignores me, "ahh ... back you go" ... he's learning. He loves coming out to play so this behaviour clearly does not profit him.

I have no idea whether birds train like dogs and horses but it seems to be working.

Another thing he does which I hate is flutter his wings like a mad-man. This can happen while he's on my shoulder. Mostly if I am trying to keep him off my keyboard. I am only guessing but assume he's having a little hissy fit. The reason I don't like this is because I don't want that habit to form in case the dogs get excited at his excitement. It's just better if I can discourage it. It's happening less often so I am hoping the message is getting there ... and of course I need to be quick but the, "Ahhh" and then back to the cage.

Anyway ... look this is so sad. I hate it when partners lay down the gauntlet when it comes to animals that are a part of their other halves life. It's unfair ...

If he attacks hubby then its about making sure the bird and hubby can't get tangled up. Likewise if I have a frightened dog that is terrified of men - my partner knows to give that dog a wide birth ... and you know - oddly enough, that dog will eventually (and this may take months), if not pressured or coaxed, make its own way to him. Timing is everything ... just let the animal come of its own accord instead of being coaxed. If there is an unprovoked attack, of course there has to be a non-profit rebuff. Our language is too confusing because most of us lack consistency - simple noises and commands are better.

This is why I love clicker training - we get to shut up (keep our emotions out of it) and let a little toy do the talking for us. Pure genius ... humans shut the heck up and target the behaviour.

Dunno ... tough call. I really feel for you. If you do re-home this bird, please make sure its with someone who is super confident with birds. Give him and the re-home the best possible chance at success.

As for hubby ... mmm ... hope he's worth it. I think ultimatums suck ...

I wish you and your old friend good luck ...

 

[Spiritbird]

If it were the other way around and your husband was the favorite of the bird would he get rid of the bird for you??

 

[antoinette]

If it were the other way around and your husband was the favorite of the bird would he get rid of the bird for you??

You took the words out my mouth.............

 

[wildheart]

Another thing he does which I hate is flutter his wings like a mad-man. This can happen while he's on my shoulder. Mostly if I am trying to keep him off my keyboard. I am only guessing but assume he's having a little hissy fit.

I loved your post Andrea and I take my hat off for you to take on so many special kids. What grabbed me thou was the fluttering that you try and prevent, I remembered reading about it on the - To clip or not to clip threads. Fluttering is very important for a birds health because of the way that their lungs work. Read a bit more about it cause it is very interesting and important. (If somebody got a link to it, please help me out. I've got a new laptop and no saved favourites.)

 

[Andrea_AUST]

Another thing he does which I hate is flutter his wings like a mad-man. This can happen while he's on my shoulder. Mostly if I am trying to keep him off my keyboard. I am only guessing but assume he's having a little hissy fit.

I loved your post Andrea and I take my hat off for you to take on so many special kids. What grabbed me thou was the fluttering that you try and prevent, I remembered reading about it on the - To clip or not to clip threads. Fluttering is very important for a birds health because of the way that their lungs work. Read a bit more about it cause it is very interesting and important. (If somebody got a link to it, please help me out. I've got a new laptop and no saved favourites.)

Ahh ... how interesting. I'll see if I can hunt that down. If its something he needs to do, that's cool, I can accomodate that but would just be nicer if I knew when so I can move the dogs out. They're well and truly used to him by now but when he does this, it causes a lot of interest and should he decide to fly off my shoulder, that might not end well.

The main reason I thought it was a behavioural issue was that he can get a little (actually quite crabby) when he does this. These are the times he seems to want to nip hard ... with load squarks in between. Hense why I thought he was exhibiting behaviour I wanted to curtail.

Certainly lots to take in ... no matter what the reason he needs to flutter like that, the nipping has to stop. Could be an interesting stand off. I'm glad he's still only young - his nips would be no where near as painful as a bigger bird.

 

[SharonC]

Andrea, Fred does that flutter as well. He does it when he wants something. The nip that you're getting maybe his way of trying to tell you what he's wanting. I don't allow Fred on my shoulder as a rule. Amazons can deliver a nasty bite, and when they're on the shoulder, it's usually the ear or the face that will get it.

 

[wildheart]

The main reason I thought it was a behavioural issue was that he can get a little (actually quite crabby) when he does this. These are the times he seems to want to nip hard ... with load squarks in between. Hense why I thought he was exhibiting behaviour I wanted to curtail.

The fluttering you are explaining is not the fluttering I saw in my head. My girl always do the fluttering when she wants to go somewhere and when I pick her up I allow her to flutter all the way to where she wanted to be. Now that some of her flight feathers grew in she actually lifts off my hand, it was a BIG shock to her at first. I have marks in my fingers from her nails holding on tightly to not lift up any more, I find it funny. I am encouraging her to fly at every opportunity that we get because I know it is good for her health.

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