Must Re-Home My Human!

[Allee]

***Nothing in the following post is meant to be taken seriously. Poppy's toys are not necessarily safe for all parrots. Use caution and supervision***



It hurts but I've made the sad decision to find a new home for my human. She needs a parrot with lots of patience who can give her the attention she deserves. She's fine with dogs and small children. I just don't have the time to take care of her anymore. She doesn't understand when I don't want to spend time with her but I have a very busy schedule.

Part of the problem is, my human can't follow simple instructions. Take today for instance! I asked her to pick up an iPhone for me so I can talk to my dad when he's out of town! Gypsy asked for one measly rib-eye. Mom comes back all smiles with a bunch of toys I didn't ask for, she brought Gypsy a bouncy ball. I'll bounce our mom out of here on her ear! Gypsy's been on a diet for weeks, she needs a steak not another ball to run after. Ugh, humans!

If someone could forward this S.O.S. to my dad for me it would be great.

I want my next human to treat me with more respect. Humans should run when cockatoos threaten them. She pats me on my head and tells me to knock it off, she doesn't care that it offends me. Screaming, this really burns me up. I am a world class screamer, but I don't scream often and I don't scream for the fun of it, when I do scream I need my human to pay attention not ignore me. Where's the fun in that?

Food! I want a cheeseburger, fries and a cherry coke! Take all these nasty organics outside for the hungry birds.

Even a toy cookie is better than a vegan cookie!



Home is were the heart is! Respect the cage! It's MINE! I like it messy! I don't have time to ruffle the paper the way I like it every day after Ms. Mom cleans up. She can clean her own room and leave me and my stuff alone.



What's Mine is Mine! Just because I ignore something or don't play with it doesn't mean she can give it away or replace it! I may change my mind. Cockatoos do that!

She has to stop kissing me on the head when I show her my crazy-eyed cockatoo stare. We Toos earned our reputation, I'm intimidating and my next human better know it!

Forget it! I will NOT take piano lessons! She can't make me do that! I love my guitar!



That's it for now! Gypsy can send her own complaints to management.

So if you have room in your home for a moderately well-behaved, slightly bossy, older human, please let me know. She's okay for a starter human, but will need lots of training. She doesn't bite, scream or pluck. She's potty trained. She's a talker and a singer, she's better at talking than singing but she tries. You'll have to provide a room for her, I need her old room for my dream human.

I am asking a reasonable re-homing fee to ensure she goes to a good home. She's very bonded to me, the transition may be tough for her.

Tell me when she's been adopted and I'll come out!

 

[RavensGryf]

ROTFL :18::18:!!! Omg this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while!

I'm sorry Poppy, I mean no disrespect of course. Hahahahaaaaa!!! Sorry!!! Oh this is a good one !

Well, as much as I like your mom, I'm afraid I'm in no position to take her in. You say she's okay for a "starter human" really?! Hmm... that makes it so tempting! AND she doesn't bite, pluck, or scream either? That's always good! But then there's the singing you mention... No, like I say, I better pass. I have to be responsible here Poppy. I mean, I already have my hands full with one male human, and man he's a hard one to handle and train. I feel that if I took on yet another human, it would just be entirely too much, and I'd run the risk of having to rehome her again . I have several birds and a dog here as well you know.

Good luck Poppy

I LOVE the last pic in the bag ! So funny and cute.

 

[SilverSage]

Someday I am going to totally copy cat you and post on Craigslist. No real contact info though most hysterical thing ever.

 

[Scott]

Dear Poppy;

If you are seeking to rehome your human, Ms. Mom, I'll take her! She will be most welcome by my Toos. It's a long flight from Texas to California, but if you're up for it or manage to stowaway on a great silver bird, you may have visitation!!

Most affectionately, Scott


***Allee, that was a phenomenal topic! You are quite a gifted and creative writer!!!***

 

[Allee]

ROTFL :18::18:!!! Omg this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while!

I'm sorry Poppy, I mean no disrespect of course. Hahahahaaaaa!!! Sorry!!! Oh this is a good one !

Well, as much as I like your mom, I'm afraid I'm in no position to take her in. You say she's okay for a "starter human" really?! Hmm... that makes it so tempting! AND she doesn't bite, pluck, or scream either? That's always good! But then there's the singing you mention... No, like I say, I better pass. I have to be responsible here Poppy. I mean, I already have my hands full with one male human, and man he's a hard one to handle and train. I feel that if I took on yet another human, it would just be entirely too much, and I'd run the risk of having to rehome her again . I have several birds and a dog here as well you know.

Good luck Poppy

I LOVE the last pic in the bag ! So funny and cute.

Julie, I understand! Humans are a lot of responsibility. You're right, if it didn't work out, you'd just have to re-home her again. Maybe I should look into a sanctuary for her.

Someday I am going to totally copy cat you and post on Craigslist. No real contact info though most hysterical thing ever.

LMBO, Dani, that's a great idea! If you do it, you have to post it!

Dear Poppy;

If you are seeking to rehome your human, Ms. Mom, I'll take her! She will be most welcome by my Toos. It's a long flight from Texas to California, but if you're up for it or manage to stowaway on a great silver bird, you may have visitation!!

Most affectionately, Scott


***Allee, that was a phenomenal topic! You are quite a gifted and creative writer!!!***

Scott, that is very tempting! Ms. Mom gets all goofy over Toos, she would probably be very happy. I would love visitation, but I have an overwhelming fear of flying, I know, but it's a phobia. Let me think about it, I'm taking applications for a replacement, I'll be looking into rescues, I'd like my human to have a lot of bird experience. I'll get back to you.

***Thank you so much for the kind words, Scott.***

I'm happy we made you giggle, Folks! Thanks for playing along.

 

[JerseyWendy]

AHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

First Gypsy...now Poppy. OMG I'm laughing so hard here.

Dear Poppy;

If you are seeking to rehome your human, Ms. Mom, I'll take her! She will be most welcome by my Toos. It's a long flight from Texas to California, but if you're up for it or manage to stowaway on a great silver bird, you may have visitation!!

Most affectionately, Scott


***Allee, that was a phenomenal topic! You are quite a gifted and creative writer!!!***

Ditto, Scott!!

I'll take your human any given day, dear Poppy.

 

[Pinkbirdy]

LOL!! That was great

 

[Kyoto]

Poppy, I'm in the same boat! I'm finding it way too hard to cope with having two humans to train. One of them in particular, the male, is being really difficult. I've continually disciplined him to no ends. He still continues to be in my presence and tries to bribe me with treats to be friends. I think he'd be happier in a new home with a different parrot. My beak just isn't big enough to make a harsh enough impression when he misbehaves.

My female human on the other hand is coming along nicely... except when she doesn't pay attention to my demands. For instance, sometimes she does this thing, I think she calls it homework, and it really bugs me. I've had to tear holes in her book to put a stop to it at times.

Good luck finding your human a new home Poppy.

-Kyoto

 

[Anansi]

Pssssssssst! PSSSSSSSSST! Hey, Poppy! Jolly, here! Also known as Barry Allen. You know, like the Flash? Because I'm reallyreallyreallyreally fast! And hyper! And always moving! And I'd lovelovelovelovelove to have your human around here! Yet another human to play with and pet me! Does she like ear nibbles? My humans don't like it but I'm trying to fix them. Does she like ear nibbles? Huh? Hmm? Does she, does she? Huh? And is she fast? Like really fast? Like reallyreallyreallyreally fa... Hey!

Sorry about that, Poppy. Maya here, daaaaaaaaahling. Our Barry can get a little... overstimulated. I keep telling my humans to cut the pomegranates, but you know how wilful they can be. Sigh. Humans, right?

Anyway, daaaaaaaaahling, we have no experience with Texans, but I'm sure she'd be absolutely delicious! Uhmm, I mean delightful! Yes, that's it. Delightful. I could just sink my beak into her! Ah, figuratively, of course. I mean, who would be literal about something like that? Haha! Ahem.

Anyway, daaaaaaaaahling. From one diva to another, you know this is the place for her. We already have a Jamaican and an Ecuadorian here, as well as their two little cubs or whatever these humans call the miniature ones. And there's even a room she can sleep in at night. Though for the life of me I just can't understand how they climb around without the bars! Ah, well.

Will you be shipping her, daaaaaaaaahling? I have a stash of contraband seeds that should compensate you quite nicely...

 

[labell]

Dear Poppy,
Brady here, don't let the name fool you I too am a demanding diva. Let me be a voice of reason in this sea of madness. Don't get me wrong I have complaints regarding my human, like your fur covered friend, it is mostly a food issue. I mean geez so I have breasts and I don't fly that well, it's no reason to starve me! All the fresh organics I can eat she says but not a single chip... a woman needs Doritos, my past human let me have them!

I tried to get Willow to chime in here but she refused...the baby! She adores the female human, dad makes her growl but mom can do no wrong. Of course mom still feeds her that warm smelly stuff so maybe it's effecting her reasoning.

Then I asked poor Meegosh and no way that guy's doing any back talk, we talked about past lives and he had it WAY worse than I ever did.

One night last week while the human's slept Meegosh and I really talked. Willow slept, we teased her, called her a light weight, then she made some not so lady like comments regarding my weight and the gusto with which Meegosh stuffs his face. Apparently while she seems dim witted she is not, I will have to keep an eye on that one. She's a plotter for certain.

Anyway I wanted to point out that I know your human is an artist like mine so they work from home, we are very lucky that way. What's even more wonderful is I have peeked over mom's shoulder and got a look at the wondrous paper, flower looking decorations your mom makes for you. Heck she doesn't even get upset when you wreck them. What does she do... makes you more. I know you mentioned ignoring your scream but do you have any idea how many humans can't ignore the equivalent of a jet airplane in the same room and resort to just awful things to make it stop?
Excuse my prying but I also know she got you a wonderful new stand which you turned your beak up to...was she upset? No she laughed it off and let the tiny ones have it.

I would say you have trained your human very well and I must remind you they just aren't as intelligent as us. So it is important to have patience and understanding. I strongly suggest you give this more thought. Count your blessings my white feathered friend I think we have it pretty darn good. Though I am still working on ways to get chips in this health obsessed house. When you stop feeling sorry for yourself and climb out of that bag can I get you to fill it with chips and send it my way perhaps?

 

[Terry57]

Poppy, Slater here. You can send your human up here anytime! However, I will be shipping one of my humans back to you. She doesn't mind very well, but is quite delicious when I take a bite.

 

[Allee]

I'm a little stunned, I had no idea it would be so easy to find a home for such a faulty human. Finding a replacement may not be as easy as I thought. Thank you for the support and new perspective.

Tee-hee, Kyoto, don't you just loooove the look on their faces when we customize their personal property? Maybe your mom will leave her homework books on the shelf from now on. You're growing up right, Young Lady, keep up the good work.

Swoon, Ekkies are so cool and soooo exotic and easy on the eyes.

Jolly, I'm so sorry but my human hates having her ears nibbled, I've tried it and I usually end up in a time out for arguing. Jolly Buddy, I think you should listen to Maya and lay off the pomegranates.

Maya, it sounds like a great possible home. We don't have human cubs of our own but I know my human always makes a fuss over the ones that visit. Ohhh Maya, I've heard you've tasted human flesh, what's that like, and tell me how do you override the pressure training to bite a human? I don't know if I can accept contraband seeds? Is that even legal? And boy if she caught me with them I'd be in a permanent time out!

Brady, you made me think so hard I'm getting a headache. Thanks for your wisdom, I've heard Amazons are scary smart. I know what it's like to have a baby in the house, Sweet Pea's older than Willow but still clueless about most things and she thinks our mom is the greatest. You should watch out for Willow, I've heard her species is known for intelligence. I feel for you about Meegosh too, parrots with bad pasts fall hard for humans that give them a second, third, or fourth chance, it's the same with the quakers, even Harry loves our mom and Harry hates humans (terrible past experiences). Actually the only pack or flock member that understands my reasoning is Gypsy, gotta love a Golden, she brings me her favorite ball and leaves it on my seed skirt, I give her carrots and and other distasteful veggies. Hmmm, maybe I'll reconsider, I've changed my mind about the play stand, plus I didn't want the lil kids to have it, and she was right about the piano, it's wonderfully noisy. Maybe I'll climb out of my bag and focus on making my human get me a new friend, one that's more Diva-like, we'd have more in common. Brady, I remember the taste of chips from my last home but I know there's no point in searching for them here. Still, you may be right, there's worse things than a healthy diet.

 

[Siobhan]

Oh, Poppy, I can so relate. These two humans I have now are sweet and they mean well, but good grief. They do annoy me. For one thing they have not one but TWO slobbery beasts who bark at everything that moves and one of them SLEEPS WITH THEM. Can you imagine sleeping with a hairy, slobbery beast? How uncivilized. The other beast is always tripping over something and rumpling up my papers. That's MY job. They won't go to bed when I tell them to. They cover up my castle and they continue to sit there watching that flickering TV thing and they don't even watch good shows. Sometimes they play music and sing and they have this smaller human who comes over and sings, too, but they don't do that nearly often enough. They seem to prefer the bad TV shows. Mama Human (she keeps calling herself "mama" to me and since I don't know her real name, I have to call her "mama," too) sometimes plays the piano and I like the piano and would like to play it myself, but she spends a lot of time doing something she calls "work," which means she leaves and is gone for hours and hours and then who's left to play with me? The other human is entirely too fond of the slobbery beasts and the bad TV shows and when I've tried to correct his behavior by biting him, he yelps. Nobody wants to listen to that!

I also suspect there are other birds in this house. I can hear them. I haven't seen them. But I can can hear them. They are clearly inferior species without a single cockatoo among them, and if the humans would give me a chance, I might be able to organize them and get things straightened out around here. One of them can produce an acceptable scream, nothing like MINE, of course, but not bad, and if I trained that one, we might be able to do concerts together.

Still, my humans are doing their best and training is slow and painstaking work, but I have high hopes that eventually they will be less stupid. Give yours another chance, Poppy. It does sound like she's trying to learn.

 

[gracebowen]

I don't know let us think about it. Our human isn't even home right now. She ran off and left us with a babysitter. And the babysitter has 2 humans visiting and staying our room to keep us company. At least she calls to check on us everyday and the sitter is feeding us our fresh food. The Budgies bite her every night when she puts them in their own cage. We're in Texas so we might be able to pick her up. Does she get car sick.

 

[Allee]

It's over! I'm stuck with her! My dad found out about my conspiracy with Gypsy and told us to forget it! The only way he'll allow us to vote Mom off the island is with a unanimous vote, that's not gonna happen. Thanks for the support and the offers to take her off our claws and paws.

Rocky, I've seen your photo, maybe you could visit! I know you haven't seen the rest of your flock, but I think some of them may be quakers, if they are, stay out of their way, they're clever, manipulative and unaware of their own size. You're better off not meeting them beak to beak.

Ace, Joy, and Jet! From here it sounds like you have a pretty neat human. Haha, Ace and Joy you're very brave budgies to bite the babysitter! Jet, Sweet Pea says hi!

 

[AmyMyBlueFront]

OMG that was soooooo funny! lol.. and I love the fake cookie!

Sorry Poppy,but I have no room to rehome your human..even tho one of your "cousins" my goffins,adores female humans..but Amy..not so much!

Jim

 

[gracebowen]

That's OK the landlord said absolutely no more humans. Isn't that how mhs starts anyway. Mom came home yesterday and gave us treats. All is forgiven.

 

[Allee]

Laughing my feathers off at MHS. I must have really worried my human, she's been serving my favorite meals. She made birdie bread for us too. Maybe I'll keep her after all. I hate to think of starting over with an untrained human.

 

[GreatBlue320]

This is the best thread EVER! You all are so clever!

 

[Allee]

Thank you, GreatBlue320! Clever is a requirement for those who share their homes with parrots, if not clever, at least a good sense of humor. I expect Baxter to become a very inspired teacher.