It's been a year... I still miss him

[BirdyBee]

It's been exactly a year since I lost Grumpy. He was the sweetest little show budgie on earth. I loved him so much, and just when I needed a friend...
He left.

I remember that about a few weeks before his death, I put him in a "breeding cage" with Sunny, his partner. I started to notice him being very hungry when I fed him some seed. Something told me that he's going to die soon.. only the day after, I was just doing normal human stuff, and when I went to his cage, he was laying on the bottom, hanging on to life. He was clearly starving. My mom and I rushed him to the vet, and when we came back home, we tried hand-feeding formula as suggested by the vet..
It was too late. Little Grumpy was too weak to eat it. He died in my hands.

Maybe it was because I'd just leave veggies in his cage and that was the only thing he could eat that he died. I'm sure that's why he's dead. Maybe it was because I wanted to breed him, even though I was just a girl who thought she knew what she was doing. Maybe he was ill and I didn't notice.

It still hurts to this day. I think of the things I could've done differently. I feel guilty of his death, and I blame myself.

I miss giving him head scratches, I miss him sitting at my laptop while I was using it, and I miss seeing him be a happy and chirpy boy.

The breeder said I wouldn't be able to tame him, and if I did it'd be an unlikely event. I tamed him in 2 weeks.

For the first few days after he died, Sunny was continuously calling him. She was so confused. She was also starving, which is why I believe me trying to feed them veggies in a forceful way killed Grumpy. When he died, I showed the flock that he's dead, but they didn't understand that..

Something told me I might lose him, so I started collecting his feathers as he was moulting at the time. I still have a collection of them all.

I miss you, buddy.
I'll share some pics in the next post.

 

[LaManuka]

Oh Pip, I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet little Grumpy! It's true though, sometimes we do get a foreshadowing that we are going to lose them somehow, that's how it was with my little Lilly too. Please try not to blame yourself, you did give Grumpy a better life than the one he had had before. You loved him and you always will, and that's what matters most. Many feathered hugs to you on this most sad anniversary, Pip, my heart is very much with you.

 

[BirdyBee]

Oh Pip, I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet little Grumpy! It's true though, sometimes we do get a foreshadowing that we are going to lose them somehow, that's how it was with my little Lilly too. Please try not to blame yourself, you did give Grumpy a better life than the one he had had before. You loved him and you always will, and that's what matters most. Many feathered hugs to you on this most sad anniversary, Pip, my heart is very much with you.

Thanks for the kind words, and sorry about Lilly as well..

 

[BirdyBee]

Now that I think of it, I remember feeding moldy pellets to them a few months prior to his passing. Maybe he had a fungal infection and died.


But I am still 99% sure starvation killed him. Sunny was also thin like a skeleton. After a few months she recovered.

Miss you, Grumpy boy

Edit: What I meant by Sunny was thin like a skeleton, is that her bones were literally sticking out. Very clear sign of starvation.

 

[BirdyBee]

I actually got his date wrong- he passed away on 26th of March not 27th...

 

[Chrissiejingles]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Grumpy. He is a cute little fellow.
It is clear that you loved him very much and he will be looking down on you and his other flock members with so much love.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.