I am new to this site and found it out of despair.
A few years ago, I bought a few-weeks old Sun Conure from a local breeder and brought it home, excited as could be. I noticed pretty quickly that he (or she, was never DNA tested) loved being kissed and nuzzled and I could not get enough of rubbing my nose against his softness. Being somewhat of a loner, I kissed Peachy hundreds of times a day over the next 4-5 years and we bonded like a mother-child would.
Peachy never bit me one single time ever. I could kiss his beak and not have the slightest fear of him biting me. Thatās how sweet his disposition was. Eventually I bought him a friend (a green cheek conure who does nothing but bite!) and was able to house them together for years. The three of us were a little family. I loved to shop for toys and food, and cook for Peachy and Greenbird, play with them, spray them with warm water, and play music and dance with them. Peachy learned how to do the kissing sound so when I would put my face next to his he would kiss me automatically everytime.
Eventually, Peachy started diving down into my shirt and we had āsnugsā where I would lie down on my bed hovering over him while repeatedly kissing him. He would kiss me back then start chewing through my shirt and bedsheets to get a beak workout. He would fluff up and I would nuzzle him and be in absolute heaven. This became a daily occurrence - once in the morning and once in the mid-afternoon before I put them to bed.
Last Thursday night I took my prescription medication in a higher dose than usual because I was feeling very depressed about something. It knocked me out cold. I donāt even remember having a āsnugā with Peachy, but at 10pm, I woke up suddenly and felt him in my shirt. I knew before I saw. But what I saw will stay with me for life. I had crushed his body to death and immediately started screaming āno, no, no, noā and called my parents who came to my apt to get me and Peachyās lifeless body.
I have not been able to stop hysterically crying since. I am so beyond devastated that I donāt know how I will ever get over any of this. I feel like I lost my baby (remember - I have been a loner, not married no kids). Raising Peachy since he was a few weeks old truly made me feel like his mother (though I am male). My heart is beyond shattered.
I immediately told my landlord that I needed to move out (since I could not face living at the crime scene for one more day). I am now in the process of temporarily moving back in with my parents while I figure out my next move and grieve. Itās only been three days and I am extremely broken. I canāt bring myself to look at the hundreds of photos or videos that I have of Peachy yet. We buried him in a metal box wrapped in his favorite tee shirt of mine, and placed the box in one of the large flowerpots on my parents balcony.
I am so beyond devastated I donāt know where to turn. Although my life will hopefully now undergo some very serious and needed positive changes, it will come at the most expensive price imaginable. No money or anything else could ever replace Peachy. I hope time heals all wounds as they say but I fear this pain will be with me for the rest of my days. I wish I could get the last image out of my head it is so unbelievably horribleā¦
Has anyone gone through anything like this? What helped you? Grief counselors? Forums? Eventually finding another baby Sun Conure? How do I even start the journey of mending my completely shattered heart?
A few years ago, I bought a few-weeks old Sun Conure from a local breeder and brought it home, excited as could be. I noticed pretty quickly that he (or she, was never DNA tested) loved being kissed and nuzzled and I could not get enough of rubbing my nose against his softness. Being somewhat of a loner, I kissed Peachy hundreds of times a day over the next 4-5 years and we bonded like a mother-child would.
Peachy never bit me one single time ever. I could kiss his beak and not have the slightest fear of him biting me. Thatās how sweet his disposition was. Eventually I bought him a friend (a green cheek conure who does nothing but bite!) and was able to house them together for years. The three of us were a little family. I loved to shop for toys and food, and cook for Peachy and Greenbird, play with them, spray them with warm water, and play music and dance with them. Peachy learned how to do the kissing sound so when I would put my face next to his he would kiss me automatically everytime.
Eventually, Peachy started diving down into my shirt and we had āsnugsā where I would lie down on my bed hovering over him while repeatedly kissing him. He would kiss me back then start chewing through my shirt and bedsheets to get a beak workout. He would fluff up and I would nuzzle him and be in absolute heaven. This became a daily occurrence - once in the morning and once in the mid-afternoon before I put them to bed.
Last Thursday night I took my prescription medication in a higher dose than usual because I was feeling very depressed about something. It knocked me out cold. I donāt even remember having a āsnugā with Peachy, but at 10pm, I woke up suddenly and felt him in my shirt. I knew before I saw. But what I saw will stay with me for life. I had crushed his body to death and immediately started screaming āno, no, no, noā and called my parents who came to my apt to get me and Peachyās lifeless body.
I have not been able to stop hysterically crying since. I am so beyond devastated that I donāt know how I will ever get over any of this. I feel like I lost my baby (remember - I have been a loner, not married no kids). Raising Peachy since he was a few weeks old truly made me feel like his mother (though I am male). My heart is beyond shattered.
I immediately told my landlord that I needed to move out (since I could not face living at the crime scene for one more day). I am now in the process of temporarily moving back in with my parents while I figure out my next move and grieve. Itās only been three days and I am extremely broken. I canāt bring myself to look at the hundreds of photos or videos that I have of Peachy yet. We buried him in a metal box wrapped in his favorite tee shirt of mine, and placed the box in one of the large flowerpots on my parents balcony.
I am so beyond devastated I donāt know where to turn. Although my life will hopefully now undergo some very serious and needed positive changes, it will come at the most expensive price imaginable. No money or anything else could ever replace Peachy. I hope time heals all wounds as they say but I fear this pain will be with me for the rest of my days. I wish I could get the last image out of my head it is so unbelievably horribleā¦
Has anyone gone through anything like this? What helped you? Grief counselors? Forums? Eventually finding another baby Sun Conure? How do I even start the journey of mending my completely shattered heart?
And thank you for your words of condolence too. I do understand your infinite and desperate sadness though. But as I said to another member here just the other day, as badly as this hurts, if someone came up to me and said that with some magic words that they could take away this pain but that it would mean never having had my feather babies in my life and never having known and loved them, I would tell them to get lost. The tears that we shed for them stand as a testament to how very deeply we love them and to the powerful bonds that we share with them. I'm so very sorry that it ended this way, with so much pain and anguish for you. But oh my, what a blessed life Peachy had to have been loved the way you loved him 
