I lost my maggie...my sweet, goofy greenwing

[Birdman666]

This should not be interpreted as having somehow giving up on the search for Maggie. Nor should anyone assume she is no longer living. She wasn't lost that way. I don’t believe that for a second. I believe that someone has found her, and to this point either hasn’t found me, or has no intention of giving her back. She's lost as in, no longer with me. And I’ve been carrying around all this grief, and frustration, and pain for a month now. Writing this helps me get rid of it, and hopefully, the right someone will see this one day, and realize that I’m talking about the bird they found, and realize too, just how much you mean to me…



I must have said it three or four times a day. “How is it possible to love a bird this much?” I’d come down stairs to get ready for work before the sun was even up, and the minute you saw me you’d greet me with an exuberant “HI!” and do the “macaw happy head bob” for me. Then you’d lean your head over and lay it down sideways on the top of my head for an extended head scratch. And those words would flow from my mouth. “How is it possible to love a bird this much?” That’s how my days began for well over a decade…



Then you’d scramble down from the top of your cage to my shoulder while I fixed your breakfast. “Cracker!” You’d say as I filled your food dish. “Water!” when I filled your water dish. Then the happy head bob thing would start all over again. It didn’t matter what I put in your food dish, you’d go straight for the pistachio nuts every time. They were your favorite. I can’t stand the thought of you possibly being out there hungry or thirsty. Not with a twenty pound bag of fresh macaw mix gathering dust in my living room. I doubt that the people who find you will indulge your love of pistachio nuts the way I did.



When I was sick with pneumonia for two weeks, you could tell something was wrong with me. So you waddled up the stairs, and shredded a couple of old beach towels, and made a nest on the floor of my closet, and moved into my bedroom. You didn’t leave my side for two weeks. Even after I felt better, you spent more time on my lap, or in my closet, than you did hanging out by your cage.
On the weekends, If I wasn’t out of bed by eight o’clock you’d come looking for me. I’d hear your tail swishing as you waddled up the staircase. If you caught me with my eyes open, you’d be in my bed and perched on my chest wanting me to get up so we could play. If you thought I was sleeping, you’d quietly go off into my closet, and sit in the little nest of shredded towels, and wait for the first sign I was awake. Then you’d pounce in a fit of birdie laughter... you loved the sound of laughter!

You were an interactive “out and about” bird from the time you hatched. You wanted to be out and interacting with people. From the time you finished hand feeding, your former owner took you everywhere with her, and she taught you to free fly. You were her pride and joy. But then she died, and they just stuck you in a cage and left you there. You lost your best friend, and the interaction just suddenly stopped. When you reached the point where you just couldn’t take it anymore, you began screaming for attention, and tearing your own feathers out… And that’s when they finally decided to do right by you, and called me. You hated being caged. In fact, you snapped the hinges off one of the doors to your double macaw cage, so the door could never be closed on you again. You removed the latches from the treat cup doors, so you didn’t even have to go inside the cage to eat. I didn’t have the heart to lock you up. I hope you’re not locked away in some tiny cage, screaming, and tearing your feathers out again.

They entrusted you to my care on the condition that I was to give you a forever home, and on the condition that you would, once again, be a free-flighted “out and about” bird. You needed that level of interaction, and most people couldn’t (or wouldn’t) provide you with that. They knew I would give you that. And I always considered you a sacred trust. My relationship with you was closer to parent and child than bird and human.

I wasn’t the only one who found themselves asking that particular question. You and Sarah were very close. In some ways, you were the like baby human sister she never had. You used to give her a certain look, and do “the evil laugh” and then dive bomb down from the top of your cage. She’d fake a scream, and you’d chase her around the couch, both of you laughing. And when Sarah got tired of the game, she’d simply lay down on the floor, and you’d fluff up on her lap, and lay your head on her shoulder. And she’d say it out loud, “How is it possible to love a bird this much.”



I hope that the person who finds you understands that this is just a game, and you are just playing. I would hate for someone to hurt you because they don’t understand what you are doing. You don’t bite. You play like this all the time. They may not realize it, and think you are attacking them. That would be horrible for you! If someone started hitting you for playing a game, you wouldn’t be the same gentle bird anymore. You’d be confused, and you’d probably get angry. You might even start biting. You have such a gentle, loving nature. I’d hate to see it ruined by a stranger who found you, and just doesn’t understand…

 

[Birdman666]

You always loved flying. Your eyes lit up with that special macaw exuberance when you landed. When the weather was bad, and you were stuck inside the house, and we couldn’t go flying, I could see how restless you became. So I started flying you again. (I flip-flopped on this issue many times over the years. And how I have come to regret that decision now! But then, objects always seem to look clearer in the rear view.) As a skydiver, I was always fond of the saying, “Only a skydiver truly understands why the birds sing!” I got why you always seemed so exhilarated when you swooped in and landed. It’s the same feeling I had when I went flying.

I wish I would have left you in your little nest in the closet, happily shredding a beak full of old beach towel. But I picked up my car keys. You lifted your little foot to be picked up. You wanted to come. We might as well stop off at the park and take you flying while we’re out… “Wanna go flying Maggie?!“ Now there’s a stupid question! I might as well have asked, “Are you still breathing Maggie?!”

I wish I would have said “Sorry Maggie, not this time. You can’t come. We’re not going out flying today.” But, I never did. You always wanted to come. And I loved taking you out with me. It wasn’t a daily thing. It was a several times a day thing, and an all weekend long thing. People at Starbucks always thought it was amazing that I could set you down on the back of a chair, go inside and get my coffee, and when I came back you’d be right where I left you. You played in outside in the trees, and always came down when I called you. You came with me to three different drop zones, with airplanes taking off and landing all around you, parachutists swooping in… and you just sat calmly on your portable playstand, and played with everyone. Strangers came up to us all the time. Dogs jumped on us, barking, and you just looked down from my shoulder and barked back at them. You even went to the fireworks shows on the forth of July You made this strange WWHHHEEEWWWW noise and looked at me with a sense of amazement… your eyes pinning, head snaking back and forth, as the shells exploded in the sky. NOTHING SPOOKED YOU. That’s why it was such a shock to see you fly off in a panic over something as simple, and stupid, as a falling ladder. You always flew TOO me, you never once flew away from me. It just didn’t happen.

UNTIL IT DID…

I still see it, over and over again in my sleep. You flying low coming back to me. The falling ladder spooking you. Coming back around, but spooked by the ladder being picked up. Then instead of flying toward me, you caught a thermal and went up and off over the roof tops and out into the neighborhood in a panic. With me earthbound, chasing after you, unable to follow, and then losing sight of you, with no idea where you might have come down, calling for you, yelling “No! No! No! That didn’t just happen... Not my Maggie! Please come back! I cannot lose you to a F****** ladder! I’ve got to find you!”

And then I just can’t sleep anymore…

“Are you still breathing Maggie?! Where are you?! Why hasn’t anyone called? Maggie, please come home!”

I searched until it was too dark to see, and then I went back out at first light, and searched some more. I did that every day for a week. But I didn’t find you. I have to drive by Lakeside Parkway on my way to, and from, work every morning. It’s like a boot to the head every time I pass by the place I lost you…

I am now arriving at that age where I’ve started losing most of the people I cared about, and was closest too. Outliving your friends and family is difficult enough to accept. You were supposed to be a lifetime companion bird. You were supposed to out live me, and then go live with Sarah, and keep her company after I was gone.

I already lost my human lifetime companion, about six years ago to a pulmonary embolism. It took half my life to find my soul mate, and then she was gone in the blink of an eye. I remember sitting under the tree in my front yard with her mother, both of us were in shock and not really able to function. We just sat under that tree for about a month, sharing memories of Rachel, while my flock played outside in the tree. Only you wouldn’t stay in the tree. You were on my lap, doing your best to be goofy, doing everything you could to make us laugh, and see us happy again. And when that didn’t work, and the tears began to flow, you shoved your tongue in my eyeball and wiped them away, and then laid your head sideways on my shoulder and talked macaw gibberish to me. You helped me get through it. She loved you every bit as much as I did.

You are supposed to be my lifetime companion bird. The thought that I’ve just lost my animal lifetime companion, as well… I just can’t go there.

You loved the sound of laughter. You loved to do things that caused that sound, and you loved to mimic it. You made people laugh, and you laughed along with them, and then the other birds joined in. I never realized how much the other birds took their cue from your antics, or how quiet it’s been since you’ve been gone. You were actually the living thing responsible for most of the laughter that took place in this house, both bird and human laughter. AND GOD HOW I MISS THAT! Empty silence takes the place of laughter now…

The person who finds you CANNOT POSSIBLY KNOW how much we’ve been through together, or how much you mean to me. You’re just the really cool big red bird who landed in their yard. “Mom, can we keep it?” NO. YOU CAN’T! You don’t belong to them. You have a home. IF A CHILD GOT LOST and happened to wander into your yard, you wouldn’t shoo her away, and leave her to fend for herself. You wouldn’t say, “She just wandered into the yard, looks like you’ve got a new baby sister.” You wouldn’t wonder how much the reward was, or if you could sell her to someone else for more than that. And you certainly wouldn’t say, she’d make a nice breeder for someone someday. THIS BIRD HAS THE SAME IQ, AND THE SAME ATTENTION NEEDS AS A 3 TO 5 YEAR OLD CHILD. Though she looks formidable, she has never had to survive on her own, and might not know how to find food and water. And most people simply don’t know how to care for one of these birds properly, or simply won’t do it.

The term of art with a macaw is “bonded.” And “bonded” with a macaw works both ways. You belong to me. And the thought of somebody flipping you on Craig’s List, or at the flea market, to a random stranger who doesn’t even know how to care for you for a few bucks, is just abhorrent to me. THE REWARD IS $1,000. Please keep in mind I had to raid my daughter’s College Fund to get it, and please don’t try to blackmail me for more. That’s a lot of money for making one phone call, after something that doesn’t belong to you fell out of the sky and landed in your yard.

I know you must have found someone to interact with by now. You couldn’t go a month without dancing on someone’s lap. It’s just not in your nature. You’re far too smart, and attention oriented to stay out lost and starve. You’d find someone to take you in, and I know in my heart that you have. You’re alive, and somebody’s got you.

I don’t know what kind of condition you are in. I don’t know if you need vet care. I hope they are feeding you properly. In fact, someone called the vet last Saturday, claiming they found a big red bird in their yard. But the vet’s office didn’t tell him you were missing, and she didn’t get a name or number of the person who had you. And that lead is now a dead end.

Laundry day is the hardest. Laundry day was our one on one day. It used to be one of my favorite days of the week. You would come with me and sit outside the laundry mat on your playstand, and we’d play between loads, then we’d go to the park and go flying on our way home… Now doing Laundry is depressing and drudgery. Having you around made it fun.

 

[Birdman666]

I need you to know that my friends and I have been looking everywhere for you. I’ve probably walked over 60 miles. Talked to everyone who would listen. I put out 700 flyers. Your face is all over facebook. I made 9,000 telephone calls through a pet finder service. I notified all the pet stores, the vets, the breeders, the shelters, the lost pet sites, and everyplace else I could think of. I even went on TV to plead for your safe return. I track down people selling Macaws, to make sure one of them isn’t you. I’m offering a $1,000.00 reward. I’ve done everything I can think of…

Despite all that… I still haven’t found you.

I still intend to be your forever home. I just need the person who found you, to find me, and find it in their heart to return you safely to me, where you belong. I’ve done everything humanly possible to make that happen… but no one is calling.

At this point, it’s out of my control, and out of my hands.

God, you’re supposed to be merciful. I could use a little bit of that mercy right now. We all may be just specs of dust to you, but she means a lot to me, and to my family. Please give me back my big red bird!

If someone reading this knows something about Maggie’s whereabouts, PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND CALL ME! Sarah and I need her to come home.

 

[torrap]

I would be so much happier to see you reunited with Maggie.
But I am happy to see your post and know that you are looking for her still. I would check for your post every day for so many times.
We are still with you.
You scared me....it has to be in a different forum, I think.
I don't know how, but this person who called the vet's office needs to be found somehow............Darn it!!!

 

[Christinenc2000]

I have no words for this thread. She will return .

 

[psychocircus91]

Beautifully written, Mark

 

[Mariar]

I'm balling my eyes out right now..I mean like I just lost MY bird. Maggie was such a big part of all our lives. I'm sorry mark.
This section is perfect for your grief...I just want to come over and hug you right now.
Don't ever give up on your search.

 

[RavensGryf]

Oh my gosh, this brought powerful and painful emotions as I empathized as I read. It brought tears to my eyes as I read your heartfelt story, and had to wipe them away to keep reading, and I'm one who doesn't cry over every little thing that I read. Your words, the pictures, it's a powerful message.

Mark, over the time I have become familiar with your experiences and have come to know you through your posts, I know that you have gone through some tremendous heartache during your life. More than many people here have had to endure. Then this. Then you keep getting out of bed and going to work because you have to. Some people wouldn't be able to regardless of the consequences. Even though you feel like you're falling apart (which is understandable) you ARE strong. Very much so Mark. I wish you all the best, and my wish for you is the biggest miracle, and your dream come true, for your girl Maggie to be in your arms once again.

 

[Christinenc2000]

Sorry that was selfish of me to say I had no words. And well face it I always have words.

Mark that was such a Heart felt tribute to maggie. Much respect my friend. I have no doubt she can feel the love !!

 

[Birdman666]

Oh my gosh, this brought powerful and painful emotions as I empathized as I read. It brought tears to my eyes as I read your heartfelt story, and had to wipe them away to keep reading, and I'm one who doesn't cry over every little thing that I read. Your words, the pictures, it's a powerful message.

Believe me when I say my eyes were sweating as I wrote this. It just poured out of me.

Now if I can only get the right person to read it.

 

[JerseyWendy]

Mark, I can hardly see through the wall of tears. This is THE most beautiful tribute to your beloved Maggie. :heart:

I know how much you are hurting, many (if not most) of us are hurting with you.

I wish there were the right words, I wish there was some sort of magic, I wish, I wish, I wish.... boy do I wish for you to be reunited.

Please, try and hang in there, my friend. Do not lose hope.

 

[wrench13]

Mark, dont give up. I know how you feel, had my first parrot fly away. I'm praying for you, man.

 

[BIRDIGIRL]

Tears are flowing here too reading this and a prayer that Gods Angels Fly Maggie home to you Mark ...Beautifully written from the heart though I wish it didnt have to be written...Maggie will come home...I know she will. God is Good.

 

[Birdman666]

Mark, I can hardly see through the wall of tears. This is THE most beautiful tribute to your beloved Maggie. :heart:

I know how much you are hurting, many (if not most) of us are hurting with you.

I wish there were the right words, I wish there was some sort of magic, I wish, I wish, I wish.... boy do I wish for you to be reunited.

Please, try and hang in there, my friend. Do not lose hope.

I had to get all that hurt out of me. And I actually feel better since I wrote this. I've been holding all this inside for a month! And with all of the frustrations I've had to deal with, particularly from a certain bartender...

I just had to let it go. This is the only place it seemed appropriate.

 

[Doublete]

My heart hurts for you.

 

[Weezerj]

...and I'm sure she loves you just as much and is wanting to find you as much as you find her.

It will happen, no way to keep you two apart. I just wish we could tell you WHEN it will happen!

 

[Solo]

In the middle of training at work, in tears!!!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Allee]

So personal and so beautifully written, Mark. My heart is breaking for you, Sarah and Maggie. I never wanted to see a thread like this, I have been and will continue to hope for a much happier outcome. I still believe the right person will see Maggie's story, read your heartfelt plea and do the right thing or cause someone else to do the right thing. I know you will never lose hope, neither will we. A bond like yours is to strong to be broken by something as mundane as a mere ladder.

 

[Birdman666]

In the middle of training at work, in tears!!!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Sorry.

I just unloaded...

 

[Birdman666]

FYI - If you think it will help bring her home, you have my permission to repost, tweet, facebook, pin, or what ever other thing they're doing with electronic data these days.

I wrote this out of grief, but with the person who found her in mind...

THAT'S WHO REALLY NEEDS TO READ THIS!!!