How to encourage bond with partner/family

[Newbsi]

Gollum is about 3.5 months old. I have had her for a month. I stay home so we are together all day, every day. We have bonded so well in a short time.
My husband on the other hand works A LOT. Most days he is gone before she gets up and comes home after her bed time. On days when he does get home before bed or does have the day off, he tries bonding with her but it doesnt seem to be getting better because there could be days in between.
I try to do things like let him feed her when he is home, have him give her treats.
Anyhow, I am not sure how this will work since it is such little time.
Any suggestions of things I can do? Don't get me wrong, it is nice to be HER person. It also bothers me to see her nervous or scared and I just want to comfort her when he tries to interact with her and you can tell she is wanting me. It is like sending your child to school for the first year. You want to protect them and keep them from being afraid... but you make them do it because in the long run it is better for THEM. The things they will learn and the socialization skills they will get, they will be happier and well adjusted in the end (at least, ideally anyway).

I may as well add my children are coming home from their dads next week. They spend their summers with him. So having them here will be a change for Gollum as well. I had not planned on letting them handle Gollum. I figured they could talk to her but not handle her. Maybe give her scritches while I hold her, if or when she allows. They are 7 and 8.
How did you get your children to bond with your bird?

 

[Kyoto]

I will chime in about children and birds.

My ex had three kids. Two of them were little terrors with the birds and I never would let them around them unsupervised. The last child though, she was AMAZING with them. One of those little girls that was very gentle that all animals seemed to love. She even would ask us if she could help feed them and clean the cage. She was the only other person in the family that my cockatiel Joey really liked other than me.

It just depends on your kids! If they are well mannered and gentle and responsible, sure let them handle her supervised. But, if they are like my exes other kids and will do stupid things like try to take the birds in the bath with them (this happened at their mother's house when they had their own budgies much to my disapproval) absolutely under no circumstances should you allow it.

….Did I mention that the girl was the youngest of the three? Always blew my mind that she was the most responsible.

 

[GreatBlue320]

I am having the same difficulty with Baxter. He has definitely decided I am his person and is very aggressive with my son and husband. He lunges at them if they try to approach him and definitely will not step up for either of them unless a treat is involved and sometimes the treat isn't enough of an incentive.

I'm trying to have my son do training with Baxter so that he will associate my son with interesting activities and treats. I'm also going to try to have both my son and husband do the majority of Baxter's handling during the weekend when we are all home. I will have to be out of the room when they do this because Baxter will refuse to deal with them if I am in the same room.

It's going to be a very slow process and I hope that given time Baxter will warm up to them. I can see that both my husband and son are feeling a bit disappointed that they can't handle Baxter right now. I'm trying to explain to them that we have to take it slow and that we have to try some socializing techniques and be consistent with them, but they are a little impatient.

 

[Newbsi]

I am sure my son will care less. He is not a animal person. My daughter however loves animals and is very gentle. I have no fear of her hurting gollum at all. I am afraid that I will not recognize a bite coming and gollum bites her and then she has a fear of birds. I will cross that bridge when it comes. She may not be interested either. We will see.

Honestly I could have Gollum out with me all day and when the kids and hubby get home, I can put her away if needed. I am not looking for gollum to love us all equally. I would be happy with her non aggressively tolerating everyone else lol. Just to be clear she doesnt bite my husband, well she did give his finger a bite the other day but it was a warning bite not a hard one. Because he was trying to get her to step up and she was on her swing perch and couldnt move away and he was not reading her body language. He is clueless (more so than me lol) I am the one that has been reading and practicing and watching etc. Anyhow this is going to be a long process. Trying to teach him what to do and what not to do while I am still learning myself.

You are right. She is better with my husband if I am not in the room and that is SO HARD for me! Because I want to be there to coach him on what to do and what not to do. Reminding him when she DOES step up to praise her etc. To leave her alone when she is saying no in her own way. Then again maybe she is only saying no because she can see me. I keep telling myself it will be better for Gollum in the long run!

 

[GreatBlue320]

I feel the same way about being out of the room! I'm a total helicopter mom when it comes to anyone else being around Baxter!

 

[riddick07]

None of my birds really get an option to step up or not. If they don't do it easily then the issue is forced but not everyone agrees with that method. Though obviously for reasons that most know Folger doesn't get forced to spend time with other people or step up for them. He does know that flying attacks are not allowed and yes he did those for a brief period of time. Loki my sun knows the minute I say her name in a certain tone that she either cooperates or gets in trouble. She always cooperates. My amazon is the worse about stepping up for other people because he is so super bonded to me and hates everyone else. No one in the house really wants to train him to cooperate with them but Kelly does know that they will take the towel out, bundle him up, and dump him somewhere else. The towel is the only reason he isn't uncontrollable aggressive....he knows that he can only push so far before he gets pushed back. He was that super bonded pretty much right away from the minute he came home. He isn't the worst bird aggressive wise even with that bonding because he knows everyone in the house can kick his butt if need be but Kelly still won't cooperate easily with anyone else that isn't me.

How I socialized my sun was that I simply dumped her on people and ran away. If she came back to me I dumped her back on to someone else. I didn't stick around to see how it went. I just dumped her and moved on to whatever I was doing. Sometimes I would pick her up bodily and dump her over the back of the couch then slink away to my room while those people I dumped her on protested I guess I was different than other people around here when it came to spending time with the birds....if I could get away with dumping them on someone else in the house and running away I did:54:

 

[Mimsy01]

Riddick you're whole response just made me giggle. I dump Foo on my husband and daughter all the time btw

 

[itchyfeet]

Lol Riddick I do the same with my IRN - gold.

Newsbi if you're considering a second parrot, your life will be a gazillion times easier if your daughter is able to handle them with ease. Day one with Henry here, and I had him on Hollie, Hollie fed him an almond. Now, every afternoon, she comes home from school and theres a Henry sized banana slice on her afternoon tea plate for H to share. There was no easy introduction, I expected confidence from Hollie, and I expected Henry to respond. She's 6.

This being said, two sets of Hollie's grandparents have cockatoos, one sulfur, the other rose breasted, so the kid's had exposure to birds, and bird behaviour. She'll squeal at a spider unless he's on her, she know's she's got to be conciously calm and collected around the birds.

We've taught her to respect the beak, and we've taught her about reading behaviours. She knows if she did get a bite, chances are it's not the birds fault, even if she can't put a finger on why. She's an avid reader and we've thrown many care and behaviour books her way.

Currently I'm pretty ill in bed. This morning she had Henry out on his playstand, did the paper and water, directed her father on the chop, and gave him a kiss and put him away before school. That would be a mammoth effort for me now. There is a second person in this house completely capable and comfortable with my parrot, whom my parrot is completely comfortable with. It's a great gift.

When Hollie was reading incredible novels at home, yet refusing to do her school reading because it was boring, Henry was our saving grace. She's allowed him in her bedroom to do her school reading in the afternoons. It seems beneficial for both of them.

So in short, be brave, educate your daughter, and at least with the IRN, let her all hands on baby. Obviously we need to respect our birds, but with birds is risk, just as with reading the behaviour of a dog, or a horse. it's possible her confidence will be higher when allowed a little responsiblity, then if she knows your treating her with kids gloves out of bite fear. (There's photos here somewhere of Mark's daughter super young, handling Macaws - that reassured me!)

For Gollum, what about connect four? It could be a new toy, a game that he associates with your daughter. It may just be stopping her from getting the disks in, or throwing the disks down for her to pick up, but it might be a way to have a fun interaction, under supervision, that isn't too hands on?

 

[Birdman666]

Well, for starters, none of mine were Sennies... Py was like this with everyone... so it wasn't hard. Kids argued with each other over whose turn it was to hold Py...

 

[Birdman666]

Sarah used to come with me to the rescue from about the age of 6 or 7.

She essentially handled all sorts of birds, and heard me teach so many people how to handle them, she could give the speech as well as I could.

By age 7 she was handling everything from conures, to hyacinth macaws, and was actually helping with some of the rehab work we did...

It was essentially handling with supervision, followed by demonstrated skills, followed by... ready to solo.

 

[itchyfeet]

Well, for starters, none of mine were Sennies...

Whoops! Good point!

Just to clarify - I wouldn't let either of the parents 'toos unsupervised with Hollie. I'm hesitant any time she is near them, but let their owners, her grandparents, call the shots. They know her, and they know their birds.

 

[Birdman666]

Well, as you may recall, Sally was one of the worst biters we ever had down at the rescue... quite attacky. In fact, for the first few months we had her at my house, Sarah was under strict instructions NEVER to handle her...

BUT...

About three months later, after I got her behavior under control, and we were just doing the socialization work, guess who helped me socialize her?!



So, even with attitudinous birds, it can be done!

(This is the same bird that was taking fingers off...about three months later! If she wasn't trustworthy, my daughter wouldn't be handling her at all, period! This was the bird's "final exam." so to speak.)

 

[Birdman666]

The thing about Sennies is they can be territorial.

You have to introduce them to things.

You have to make it clear to the bird that HE is NOT the one in charge here... (He's likely to "debate" that point, rather forcefully.)

And you have to teach the kids how to handle them safely, what to watch for to prevent bites (i.e. territorial triggers and obvious signs of "tude), and how to control the bird if the bird acts up.

If they do that, the rest takes care of itself with time.

Right now with the kids, no fingers in cages, and no unsupervised handling.

"Even tame friendly birds can, and will, bite."