Help me with closure

[thebeatlesproyector]

Hey! I'm new here and it actually took me a while to figure out how to post a thread... but here I go haha

So, unfortunately my orange chinned died on Saturday.
It was a normal day, I woke up, spent some time with her, we played for a while and then it was time for me to go because I had to go out for the rest of the day. I left her with people at home.
When I got back home really late I noticed she didn't make any noise like she normally would when she hears the car. I didn't think much of it and went to sleep.
The next day I was told she died.
She was normal the day before and the one before.
She wasn't hurt or anything. Her body was perfectly preserved and no signs of injury.

I just don't understand, how... and especially why?
She wasn't showing signs of illness. Not even subtle ones.

One day she was tail bobbing but it was just one day and never again so I didn't think much of it. Maybe it was that.

Or maybe it was old age. I want to think that. I don't know if she was old or young because she was wild-caught.

I don't know if the fact that she was kept next to the laundry room had to do with poisoning, but if it was over-time intoxication I think I would've noticed.

I know a lot of you will tell me that if I want to know the exact cause I should do a necropsy, the thing is, where I live, there aren't even avian vets let alone necropsy places. Besides, we burried her right away.

What pains me the most is that she died without me. The last person she basically saw was the cleaning lady who she didn't trust. She died in her cage, alone. I am filled with guilt and I just wish I could bring her back. I wish this didn't happen.

We only had her for 2 years and 20 days. My little baby we miss you.


​

 

[LaManuka]

Hey! I'm new here and it actually took me a while to figure out how to post a thread... but here I go haha

So, unfortunately my orange chinned died on Saturday.
It was a normal day, I woke up, spent some time with her, we played for a while and then it was time for me to go because I had to go out for the rest of the day. I left her with people at home.
When I got back home really late I noticed she didn't make any noise like she normally would when she hears the car. I didn't think much of it and went to sleep.
The next day I was told she died.
She was normal the day before and the one before.
She wasn't hurt or anything. Her body was perfectly preserved and no signs of injury.

I just don't understand, how... and especially why?
She wasn't showing signs of illness. Not even subtle ones.

One day she was tail bobbing but it was just one day and never again so I didn't think much of it. Maybe it was that.

Or maybe it was old age. I want to think that. I don't know if she was old or young because she was wild-caught.

I don't know if the fact that she was kept next to the laundry room had to do with poisoning, but if it was over-time intoxication I think I would've noticed.

I know a lot of you will tell me that if I want to know the exact cause I should do a necropsy, the thing is, where I live, there aren't even avian vets let alone necropsy places. Besides, we burried her right away.

What pains me the most is that she died without me. The last person she basically saw was the cleaning lady who she didn't trust. She died in her cage, alone. I am filled with guilt and I just wish I could bring her back. I wish this didn't happen.

We only had her for 2 years and 20 days. My little baby we miss you.


​

Welcome to the forums, @thebeatlesproyector, but I'm so sorry that your first post is such a terribly sad one. Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your little one You are certainly among friends here who understand how deeply it hurts when our little ones pass without warning this way - birds certainly are very good at masking signs of illness, with all my heart I wish they weren't, but they are. Necropsy can often pinpoint the cause, but not always, and would probably not be of as much value to you if it couldn't be performed by an avian specialist anyway.

As I have learned from bitter experience myself, sometimes it doesn't matter how hard we try, it's simply just their time. Knowing exactly why they pass does not make the pain any less, and whether we know the exact cause or not, many times we still torment ourselves with all those "what ifs" and "if onlys" that can only make us feel worse. I do know that being among a community like this that understands how much this hurts is in itself immensely valuable, and I also know that your precious girl would not want you to blame yourself. I think we often do that because it just seems to make it a tiny bit easier to cope with the loss, but our babies love us and they do not want that for us. And sometimes they pass without us being there because they cannot bear to see the sadness in our eyes, I've had that happen to me too. The only remedy is time, you must allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself, it's what your baby girl would want for you.

This I do know for certain though - we will see our beloved ones again one day when our time comes to cross the Rainbow Bridge, and what a wondrous and glorious reunion that will be!

I wish your little angel Godspeed, until we all meet again

 

[GaleriaGila]

Beautifully said, as always, LaManuka.

I'm glad you found us, and glad you wrote and shared.
It's all a big wonderful, scary, precious magical journey, isn't it?
One thing I do know... here, you are among people who care and understand and will support you.
Another thing that I believe with all my heart. Your darling passed while LOVED, and THAT is something she knew and took with her in her soul, and that lasts into Eternity.

May I share a little poem I wrote for my 38 year old Patagonian? I hope you find it soothing.




Old Bird
Dedicated to the Rickeybird, and to Old Birds everywhere, and to the people who love them.


Old Bird. My bird. My bird, forever.
Time finds such meaning in our time together.

Mi vínculo con la Verdad (My link to the Truth).
And to Nature. And to youth.

And age.
And ages.
We have both had cages...
Of work and wages, loss and rages, dark back stages.
But we've turned the pages.

We've cut through the mystery.
Of life, love and history.
For us, it's just chemistry.

This morning, you greeted the dawn with your usual screams. Animation, jubilation, exultation!
Mid-day, I caught you in an unexpected nap. It's late afternoon now. Need another quick rest, my little rooster?

Someday our play here will draw closed its curtain.
We'll stay together, though. Somehow I'm certain.

That's what Eternity's for!

Old Bird. My Bird. My Bird Forever.


Stick with us.

 

[SailBoat]

It is not an issue of not wanting to visit and more importantly providing words of support as part of the Bereavement Forum, but my own difficultly in fully facing our many losses over the years. It is a reality of what we have committed ourselves to and each loss returns us to that clarity. When one opens their home to the very old, very sick and/or very poorly cared for, losses are part of the commitment. I ask not forgiveness, but understanding of not often enough in sharing your grief dear friends. For those of you who loss a Loving Feather Family Member, I offer you this Pray.

“Passing of a Feathered Friend,” that we provide our Loved Ones!

This Segment is Rated: To be Read in the company of close Friends and Family.
May Pease find and stand with you as part of your loss my friends…

Passing of a Feathered Friend
Provided By: Steven (SailBoat), November 2016

“All of us feel such deep sadness when our Parrot friends die, and because they are Animals and not Humans, we are at a loss for words. Often, it is only other Parrot Owners who can understand the depth of the loss that we feel with this complex, loyal, and loving creature. Resulting from such a loss, I have placed feelings and emotions into words and found verse to console the loss of my Cleo and since her, other sweet Amazons, in turn; I hope it will speak for all of you.” - Steven

You left this world so quickly. I can hardly comprehend your leaving. Yet there, in my hands, your still body rested — no longer your home. So much I have learned, so much you have taught, your purpose a full measure beyond your size. Comprehensions of your loss still a mist but yet, I know you are whole and happy - now beyond Rainbow Bridge. And so busy you must be upon your green wings, guiding angles to those of us yet to cross. With in my ear, I still hear you, those special sweet sounds of comfort and contentment:

“Do not stand by my grave and weep my friend.
I am not here. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the gentle summer rain.
When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry my friend.
I am not there. I did not die.”

My pray for you my beloved feathered friend:

“May your body nourish this earth.
May your soul find release and contentment.
May you fly high and free upon wings of spirit.
Rest in peace little green one.”

The love and tender warmth of you is a un-full-fill-able void.
I do so much thank-you for creating a space for another, a special place next to yours’.

In remembrance of Cleo, (Estimated) Spring 1959 - May 2003
Amazon’s Have More Love!
Sources: Cheyenne Warrior Blessing, The Amazona Society’s Forum, Steven (SailBoat)