This is my first post here but I'm absolutely devastated... I am overseas and received a call from my boyfriend telling me my green cheek conure Alby passed away. My boyfriend was in tears and I know it is not his fault but I just cant believe it. He found Alby dead at the bottom of his cage this morning. There were no signs or symptoms, he was fine last night and now he is dead. I feel broken, devastated, guilty. I loved that little guy so much. He was only 3 and I just feel awful that he didnt get a long life like he should have. He loved to sing and dance and he loved me very much. I hate that I am so far away and that he died all alone. I don't know what to do with myself, I feel useless. I cant ever imagine listening to his favourite songs again or whistling his favourite tunes. Making it even harder is the fact that my family who I am away with dont understand the pain I'm going through. My sister had the audacity to tell me it's 1am and to stop crying and go to sleep. I asked her how she would feel if she lost her dog and she told me Alby is nothing like her dog. I really just need some support from you all.
Heartbroken... my conure died while I'm overseas
- Thread starter Albysmum
- Start date
Hello Albysmum,
I'm so sorry to hear that. Reading your lines, Alby must be a really loveable and precious bird. If you loved him this much, i bet he has a beautiful life even if it wasn't that long unfortunately.
Lost a friend, your pet is always a nightmare. I don't think they should make a difference between a dog and a bird this way. They are just not the same, but both animals can be a partner and friends in life.
I just wish Alby to rest in peace, and for you a fast recovery from this tough situation. Maybe time will heal it a little bit.
<3
I'm so sorry to hear that. Reading your lines, Alby must be a really loveable and precious bird. If you loved him this much, i bet he has a beautiful life even if it wasn't that long unfortunately.
Lost a friend, your pet is always a nightmare. I don't think they should make a difference between a dog and a bird this way. They are just not the same, but both animals can be a partner and friends in life.
I just wish Alby to rest in peace, and for you a fast recovery from this tough situation. Maybe time will heal it a little bit.
<3
I’m so sorry for your loss. Most people that do not own a parrot don’t understand the bond shared. Kind of like when a dog person talks to a non animal person it’s just a dog. Well no they’re not just an animal they are our companions and loved ones. And loosing a loved one is always hard. Try not to beat yourself up he’s flying free now.
Thank you for sharing your grief. My grandmother always used to say that "a burden shared is a burden lightened". Please feel our profound sympathy and support.
Flboy
Well-known member
- Dec 28, 2014
- 12,601
- 4,106
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- JoJo, 'Special' GCC, Bongo, Cinnamon GCC(wife's)
I am so sorry for your loss! I have also lost a daughter, and it is a similar pain that will soften over time!
You gave Alby a beautiful life. Remember the good parts of it. I lost my little Max the same way, just.... gone. And while it is easy to remember the grief later on, remember instead to details of the good life you gave him. RIP Alby.
T00tsyd
Well-known member
Your little bird must have had something wrong so perhaps he is now in a better place. You will feel sad but know that he will know how much you loved him. If this is the first loss you have experienced it will be tough, but take heart that you will get used to the loss eventually. It might never leave you completely but it will get better. In time you will understand that there was nothing to be done, but you will remember the great times you had together and perhaps one day you will have another bird and all the experience that your little one gave you will not be wasted in bringing joy to another and at the same time to you too. Don't rush to 'get better'. Others might not understand now but they will one day and you will be able to help them because you are stronger for this experience.
Lots of hugs - take heart.
Lots of hugs - take heart.
- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #8
Thank you all for your lovely comments. My heart is warmed knowing other people have taken the time to share such kind words. Alby really was the most precious bird. He had so much personality and will be missed dearly. I lost my beautiful old cockatiel a number of years ago but I was able to take solace in the fact he was old and lived a good, long life. This time it seems so much more painful because I expected to have Alby for many more years to come. I expected to have children that would grow up with him, to buy a house that he would live in with me... I just thought we’d have so much more time. Maybe one day I will get another bird but for now I need to heal and forgive myself. I’ve asked my boyfriend to pack away all his toys and his cage. I can’t bear the thought of coming home from overseas and seeing an empty cage.
noodles123
Well-known member
- Jul 11, 2018
- 8,145
- 475
- Parrots
- Umbrella Cockatoo- 15? years old..I think?
I am so so sorry.
You loved your bird very much, and your bird loved you. Just like children, sometimes life is very unfair and unexpected tragedies are all too common. I know you are devastated, but remember, you gave Alby a great and happy home. Think about all of the birds who live long, miserable lives scared of people and locked up. Your bird experienced love and happiness for 3 years and not all birds get that chance. You should feel comfort knowing that you gave him a life filled with joy and that he knew he was loved (and loved you in return). Death is such a miserable part of life, but you did everything you could (and we can't live life constantly passing by opportunities for travel etc due to "what if" scenarios). I know that you wish you could have been there, but as he passed very suddenly, it is likely that whatever it was was quick. I hope things get easier as time passes, but I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
You loved your bird very much, and your bird loved you. Just like children, sometimes life is very unfair and unexpected tragedies are all too common. I know you are devastated, but remember, you gave Alby a great and happy home. Think about all of the birds who live long, miserable lives scared of people and locked up. Your bird experienced love and happiness for 3 years and not all birds get that chance. You should feel comfort knowing that you gave him a life filled with joy and that he knew he was loved (and loved you in return). Death is such a miserable part of life, but you did everything you could (and we can't live life constantly passing by opportunities for travel etc due to "what if" scenarios). I know that you wish you could have been there, but as he passed very suddenly, it is likely that whatever it was was quick. I hope things get easier as time passes, but I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
dhraiden
Member
What a sorrow: you have my sympathies...the hurt will eventually subside, with time. Your conscience should be unburdened, knowing you provided a caring and loving home for your bird, and that sometimes their inherent lifespan simply is a function of innate genetics beyond our control.
- Aug 21, 2010
- 32,673
- 9,798
- Parrots
- Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /
RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
My deepest condolences for the passing of beloved Alby. The abruptness of loss and your separation only add to your despair and sadness. Many of us have endured similar and know how close the bond is with our parrots.
If your family continues to ignore or make worse your pain, I would leave early and return home. Not that this will change reality, but rather allow you to properly grieve.
As you state, three years is young; there might have been a genetic issue or possibly an unforeseen illness or environmental issue. Some folks prefer to seek an answer, and one possibility is to conduct a necropsy. (autopsy) This will require a certified avian vet and possibly lab tests.
If your family continues to ignore or make worse your pain, I would leave early and return home. Not that this will change reality, but rather allow you to properly grieve.
As you state, three years is young; there might have been a genetic issue or possibly an unforeseen illness or environmental issue. Some folks prefer to seek an answer, and one possibility is to conduct a necropsy. (autopsy) This will require a certified avian vet and possibly lab tests.
LeaKP
Well-known member
I’m so sorry to hear of this terrible loss. We are all here taking part with you!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
- May 23, 2018
- 3,559
- 157
- Parrots
- Sunny a female B&G macaw;
Japie (m) & Appie (f), both are congo african grey;
All are rescues- had to leave their previous homes for 'reasons', are still in contact with them :)
Losing a friend is losing a part of yourself.
Don't feel guilty (and yes...by all means do cry! It's part of dealing with all your feelings and later on a bit of healing).
You gave him 3 wonderfull years, and so did he.
Don't feel guilty (and yes...by all means do cry! It's part of dealing with all your feelings and later on a bit of healing).
You gave him 3 wonderfull years, and so did he.
EllenD
New member
- Aug 20, 2016
- 3,979
- 68
- Parrots
- Senegal Parrot named "Kane"; Yellow-Sided Green Cheek Conure named "Bowie"; Blue Quaker Parrot named "Lita Ford"; Cockatiel named "Duff"; 8 American/English Budgie Hybrids; Ringneck Dove named "Dylan"
I'm so very sorry that you lost your fid, no matter how this happens or where you are this is a horribly painful thing to go through; to not be there with them when they pass stirs-up all kinds of different emotions, guilt being a big one of those emotions...However, you personally know how strong and special the bond between a person and their bird is, and I hope you find some solace in knowing that no matter where you were during his last days or on the day he died, he was thinking of you and loving you, and he certainly was not thinking negative thoughts about you in any way. He just loved you, and this experience between a person and their fid is one that most human-beings don't at all understand, simply because most people aren't lucky enough to have ever experienced any relationship like it in their lives. That's a relationship and a love that you will always have and be able to treasure, and this makes you a very lucky person, and your bird a very lucky bird.
I can understand why people who have never had any pets at all in their lives, or that have never had any connection or experience with animals in their lives, can't understand the relationship, the bond, the connection between a person and their non-human family members. That's makes sense to me, though I wish that they would at the very least respect the relationship between a person and their non-human family members, even though they don't understand it. However, I will NEVER be able to even begin to understand how a person who has had an extremely close bond/relationship with a pet, whatever type of pet that might be, doesn't matter, how they very often tend to discount the relationship that another person has with a different type of animal/living creature than they have had...that makes absolutely no sense at all to me...And it's quite common too, it's not like it's a rare phenomena, which is what makes it so strange to me. If it was just a sporadic point-of-view that popped-up once in a while, in arrogant, narcissistic people only, then it would make sense and could easily be ignored, but that isn't the case at all. I've know many an otherwise kind, loving, friendly person that has held this point of view, and who has unfortunately been extremely vocal in expressing that point-of-view in a horribly cold, non-compassionate way, and most of the time it doesn't even occur to them how much this hurts the person they are aiming this attitude and opinion at...
And yes, it does tend to be dog and cat people (mostly dog people) who look-down upon the relationships/bonds that people have with any other types of non-human family members. Why I have no idea at all, as I have always had at least one dog in my life from the time I was a very young child and I have never put one of my pets above the others. It's not a "size" thing, as people who own horses and other huge animals don't tend to look-down upon any other pets...so why do specifically people who own dogs tend to discount the relationship between a person and any other type of "pet"? Who knows. And who cares. I myself feel sorry for anyone who doesn't understand nor appreciate the type of bond a person can have with a bird, a reptile, an amphibian, a rabbit, a hamster, a gerbil, a guinea pig, a horse, a goat, a pig, a cow, a suger-glider, a monkey, a ferret...hell, a fish. I'm not a cat person at all, I just have never formed that kind of close bond with a cat, nor am I the kind of person who wants a pet that is so independent. That being said, I certainly understand and appreciate that many, many people love their cats every bit as much as they love their human children, and every bit as much as I love my birds, my dogs, or my Bearded Dragons.
I'm so sorry that your sister was not supportive of you and didn't show you any compassion at all while you were going through the intense pain that you were right after finding out about the death of your little Conure. For anyone to tell you to basically "be quiet, stop crying, and go to sleep" literally minutes after you had been told that your bird had passed-away is just cold-hearted, and frankly just mean and nasty. For your sister to act this way towards you and to say those words to you is unthinkable, and then to also tell you that her relationship with her dog is somehow more important or meaningful than your bond with your bird could ever be, well, that's just an extra kick in the butt. There's no way to explain her behavior to you, as there is no explanation for it, and honestly it doesn't matter, It's just the way she is and the way she thinks, again not an uncommon take on this particular situation, and you're obviously the bigger person. And I know damn well and have no problem saying this, even though I don't know you, that when your sister's dog passes-away and she's devastated about it, you'll be there to comfort and support her through the whole grieving-process.
I hope that you're able to heal, and I hope you're able to take solace and find peace in all of the memories you have of your bird, and remembering how special the bond that you had with him really was. That's something that you will always have and that no one can ever take away from you.
I can understand why people who have never had any pets at all in their lives, or that have never had any connection or experience with animals in their lives, can't understand the relationship, the bond, the connection between a person and their non-human family members. That's makes sense to me, though I wish that they would at the very least respect the relationship between a person and their non-human family members, even though they don't understand it. However, I will NEVER be able to even begin to understand how a person who has had an extremely close bond/relationship with a pet, whatever type of pet that might be, doesn't matter, how they very often tend to discount the relationship that another person has with a different type of animal/living creature than they have had...that makes absolutely no sense at all to me...And it's quite common too, it's not like it's a rare phenomena, which is what makes it so strange to me. If it was just a sporadic point-of-view that popped-up once in a while, in arrogant, narcissistic people only, then it would make sense and could easily be ignored, but that isn't the case at all. I've know many an otherwise kind, loving, friendly person that has held this point of view, and who has unfortunately been extremely vocal in expressing that point-of-view in a horribly cold, non-compassionate way, and most of the time it doesn't even occur to them how much this hurts the person they are aiming this attitude and opinion at...
And yes, it does tend to be dog and cat people (mostly dog people) who look-down upon the relationships/bonds that people have with any other types of non-human family members. Why I have no idea at all, as I have always had at least one dog in my life from the time I was a very young child and I have never put one of my pets above the others. It's not a "size" thing, as people who own horses and other huge animals don't tend to look-down upon any other pets...so why do specifically people who own dogs tend to discount the relationship between a person and any other type of "pet"? Who knows. And who cares. I myself feel sorry for anyone who doesn't understand nor appreciate the type of bond a person can have with a bird, a reptile, an amphibian, a rabbit, a hamster, a gerbil, a guinea pig, a horse, a goat, a pig, a cow, a suger-glider, a monkey, a ferret...hell, a fish. I'm not a cat person at all, I just have never formed that kind of close bond with a cat, nor am I the kind of person who wants a pet that is so independent. That being said, I certainly understand and appreciate that many, many people love their cats every bit as much as they love their human children, and every bit as much as I love my birds, my dogs, or my Bearded Dragons.
I'm so sorry that your sister was not supportive of you and didn't show you any compassion at all while you were going through the intense pain that you were right after finding out about the death of your little Conure. For anyone to tell you to basically "be quiet, stop crying, and go to sleep" literally minutes after you had been told that your bird had passed-away is just cold-hearted, and frankly just mean and nasty. For your sister to act this way towards you and to say those words to you is unthinkable, and then to also tell you that her relationship with her dog is somehow more important or meaningful than your bond with your bird could ever be, well, that's just an extra kick in the butt. There's no way to explain her behavior to you, as there is no explanation for it, and honestly it doesn't matter, It's just the way she is and the way she thinks, again not an uncommon take on this particular situation, and you're obviously the bigger person. And I know damn well and have no problem saying this, even though I don't know you, that when your sister's dog passes-away and she's devastated about it, you'll be there to comfort and support her through the whole grieving-process.
I hope that you're able to heal, and I hope you're able to take solace and find peace in all of the memories you have of your bird, and remembering how special the bond that you had with him really was. That's something that you will always have and that no one can ever take away from you.
- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #16
I just wanted to come on here and thank everyone again for their kind words of support. Although it has been a few weeks the pain is still real. I'm no longer overseas and they house is simply too quiet. A huge part of my daily routine is gone and quite often I find that I forget, just for a millisecond and I will go to check on him or let him out, before I realise that he's gone. Today my mother and I put a beautiful pot full of flowers on top of his grave and stuck his favourite perch in it. I really am missing him more than ever...
Tami2
Well-known member
I am very sorry for your loss. 
And I’m especially sorry for your sister’s lack of understanding and compassion.
I’ve had dogs and cats my entire life. There’s no question my bond with Levi is not only different, it is definitely stronger and I’ve only had him 2 years.
What makes it that much worse is you were away and with people who weren’t very supportive.
I’m so sorry.
When I lost my 3 yr old black Lab to Lyme Disease, I cried for a straight month. The only thing that distracted my grief was researching breeders for a new puppy.
Although, I didn’t replace Angus, a new puppy help distract from my overwhelming sadness.
And I’m especially sorry for your sister’s lack of understanding and compassion. I’ve had dogs and cats my entire life. There’s no question my bond with Levi is not only different, it is definitely stronger and I’ve only had him 2 years.
What makes it that much worse is you were away and with people who weren’t very supportive.
I’m so sorry.
When I lost my 3 yr old black Lab to Lyme Disease, I cried for a straight month. The only thing that distracted my grief was researching breeders for a new puppy.
Although, I didn’t replace Angus, a new puppy help distract from my overwhelming sadness.
They say the day you choose your baby is the day you choose to have your heart broken. That certainly appears to be the case with you as it was for me when I lost my green cheek last week aged only 4 and a half, I am still crying over him and don't imagine I will stop anytime soon. To make a bad situation even worse I was not with my boy when he passed either so I feel your pain! I am a new user on this forum too, and it would appear that you certainly are amongst friends here who understand your heartbreak. Eventually it will get a little easier but in the meantime it stinks!! Hopefully one day another feathery little angel will wing his way into your life and lighten your heart. Meanwhile I know I and all the other parrot fanatics on this forum understand and support you and send you much love.
- Aug 21, 2010
- 32,673
- 9,798
- Parrots
- Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /
RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
My condolences for the loss of your young green cheek. May his memories comfort you in this time of sorrow.
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