Guilt over a passed bird

[Vilatus]

Hi everybody, how are you all?

This isn't a post about a recently passed parrot, but rather one I lost early this year. I was looking through my photos last night and I came across the few photos I have of him.

I've learned a LOT about keeping parrots within these past 9 or so months. From knowing the basics, to being able to identify if my bird is feeling sick, or is just off. Unfortunately, when I got my Murphy, I was not as experienced. I got him from a reputable breeder, bought him all the supplies I might need, but I didn't have the knowledge of how to identify a suffering bird.

I intended to take him to the vet within the first couple weeks of owning him to check his overall health, but I had gotten busy and not taken him in yet. Murphy was not old enough to be away from his parents, despite looking it. He received handfeedings with the store keepers, but only small amounts to supplement solid foods. They failed to tell me this. He was eating seed just fine (I planned to ease him into pellets over the next few months), but he wasn't absorbing the nutrients from it. He was constantly eating, but I thought nothing of it considering my budgie eats a lot as well.

After only two weeks, I came home from an overnight celebration of my friend's birthday, to Murphy acting very sluggish. Immediately I knew something was wrong, so I tried to give him some water, thinking maybe he was just dehydrated. I knew birds hid their illnesses to the last moment, and I became extremely worried. His situation went downhill as the day went on, and my family and I drove him to an emergency clinic an hour away, as they were the only ones who would take birds. There was multiple times that I thought he died in my arms. He was still shy around people, but he wouldn't rest unless I held him on that ride. The vet managed to stabilize him, and recommended we leave him there and go home to rest. He passed only a few hours after around 1 AM.

This haunts me. I was negligent, and ignorant. I truly did not know enough about the signs of a sick bird to own one. Looking back, there was signs straight from day one.

Murphy made me love cockatiels, despite having him for such a short time. They're my favorite small parrots now, and I'm thankful I had the time I did with him. I just think I'll forever wish I could have done something, or give him a second chance.

Sorry for such a long post, and I hope this isn't too much of a mess to read. I probably forgot some stuff but I don't feel like editing this much, I just needed to get this off my chest. I attached a couple pictures of Murphy below. I miss my handsome little guy.

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[LordTriggs]

I've gone down this road, don't do it

you know deep down you did the best you could with the knowledge you had. If there is blame to be had it's the shopkeepers who sold a bird who wasn't fully weaned and who clearly had troubles.

 

[Vilatus]

I've gone down this road, don't do it

you know deep down you did the best you could with the knowledge you had. If there is blame to be had it's the shopkeepers who sold a bird who wasn't fully weaned and who clearly had troubles.

I know it's not my fault. I've come to terms with that. I just think it's one of those things I'll think about for a long time. I'll always wish I would have known, or he could have told me so I could do something. Thank you for reassuring me though. [emoji173]

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[Scott]

My deep condolences for your loss of Murphy. Unfortunately birds don't come with an owners manual, and the breeder let you both down by not assessing your level of knowledge. We simply don't know what we don't know. Their care is radically different from that of a mammal.

Murphy's legacy is a better prepared parront to your current flock. Please allow yourself to cherish his memory.

 

[Vilatus]

My deep condolences for your loss of Murphy. Unfortunately birds don't come with an owners manual, and the breeder let you both down by not assessing your level of knowledge. We simply don't know what we don't know. Their care is radically different from that of a mammal.

Murphy's legacy is a better prepared parront to your current flock. Please allow yourself to cherish his memory.

Thank you. Unfortunately I've learned after actually working for them for a short period, that they don't necessarily care so long as they sell the bird. They care for them wonderfully while they're there, but they will sell to anyone. Such is business unfortunately I guess. That's very true. Its an entirely different experience.

I miss him, but I do thank him for that. I learned a lot, and because of it I'm a much more prepared and knowledgeable parront.



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[SailBoat]

As well stated; This is a Road that can have no end, a constant circle!

I commonly hear that it must be nice to have all the knowledge regarding Amazons and to a lesser level other Parrots! And yes, it is nice to have that knowledge to support our work!

That said, we also know that had we had this level of knowledge with our early Amazons, more would have had a few days longer. Maybe, just maybe!

This morning, I was cleaning-up for the final time before Winter's snow settles in and was cleaning the small plots on Amazon Hill. Its been near four years since a resting place had been added to the Hill. And this morning, it stuck me just how many sweet Amazons are resting here. That even with all I have learned over all those years, why should there be so many here!

I except that each have created a home in my heart and also, while creating their home, they took the time to begin a place for another. I except that each has taught me life lessons and brought more knowledge to be shared with the next sweet Amazon!

Over all of these years, I have also come to except that what makes you and I different from the masses, is that we remember, we feel the loss, we feel the pain and with tearful eyes, we promise them that we will use our knowledge to better serve and care for those who follow!

Leave the should haves and, could haves begin! They understand! Their only want is that we not forget and promise to better serve and care for those who follow!

Warm Feathered Hugs!

 

[Vilatus]

As well stated; This is a Road that can have no end, a constant circle!

I commonly hear that it must be nice to have all the knowledge regarding Amazons and to a less level other Parrots! And yes, it is nice to have that knowledge to support our work!

That said, we also know that had we had this level of knowledge with our early Amazons, more would have had a few days longer. Maybe, just maybe!

This morning, I was cleaning-up for the final time before Winter's snow settles in and was cleaning the small plots on Amazon Hill. Its been near four years since a resting place had been added to the Hill. And this morning, it stuck me just how many sweet Amazons are resting here. That even with all I have learned over all those years, why should there be so many here!

I except that each have created a home in my heart and also, while creating their home, they took the time to begin a place for another. I except that each has taught me life lessons and brought more knowledge to be shared with the next sweet Amazon!

Over all of these years, I have also come to except that what makes you and I different from the masses, is that we remember, we feel the loss, we feel the pain and with tearful eyes, we promise them that we will use our knowledge to better serve and care for those who follow!

Leave the should haves and, could haves begin! They understand! Their only want is that we not forget and promise to better serve and care for those who follow!

Warm Feathered Hugs!

Thank you so much for this. This is wonderful. Hearing this makes me breathe easier thinking about Murphy.

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[T00tsyd]

If you blame yourself it will hamper you in the future. The greatest gift you can give your lost one is to learn all you possibly can so that your next friend will benefit.

Many years ago I had a puppy - my first dog. I knew nothing except it was a bundle of fluff and I loved him. Within weeks he had died of distemper and I had absolutely no idea what that even was. From then on I made absolutely sure that I spoke dog language and learned everything possible to know as a dog lover. Hopefully every dog since has benefited.

I am currently doing the same thing for Syd. I am sure he has acted as my learning curve since moving in earlier this year. We are still together but I suspect it is more by luck than judgement thus far, but I'm working on it!

 

[Vilatus]

If you blame yourself it will hamper you in the future. The greatest gift you can give your lost one is to learn all you possibly can so that your next friend will benefit.

Many years ago I had a puppy - my first dog. I knew nothing except it was a bundle of fluff and I loved him. Within weeks he had died of distemper and I had absolutely no idea what that even was. From then on I made absolutely sure that I spoke dog language and learned everything possible to know as a dog lover. Hopefully every dog since has benefited.

I am currently doing the same thing for Syd. I am sure he has acted as my learning curve since moving in earlier this year. We are still together but I suspect it is more by luck than judgement thus far, but I'm working on it!

I should have made it clearer in my post, I don't blame myself. Not anymore. I accept the fact that I didn't know any better, and I was somewhat mislead by the breeder. I just wish I did have the knowledge then.

I'm so sorry about your puppy. Its wonderful though to hear that he pushed you to better yourself so you could help future dogs. I'm sure he's happy.

Hey, that's all you can do is keep working on it. One day at a time.





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[Skittys_Daddy]

I can't tell you how many times I've been down this road, especially in the last few years.

I had my cockatiel, Peaches, for nearly 20yrs when she passed in Dec of 2015. For the first ten years of her life, I fed her bird seed, commercial pellets along with bologna and Doritos.

She kept getting sick with a respiratory infection (not uncommon in tiels) so I never thought twice about it, since she got better each time with antibiotics. Then the third year this happened (in a row), she wasn't getting any better. I took her to a new avian vet who informed me of all the errors I was making (he was very nice about it) and provided me with some very useful information, particularly about Harrisons. I thought it was just a 'selling gimmick', so I passed on it. But Peaches didn't get any better and it was almost a week later and the meds were just about done. So I called the vet back and the vet asked me if I tried the Harrisons (he gave me some free samples) and I said 'no' and he told me to try it. Three days later she showed drastic improvement and never got sick again.

In the summer of 2015, she passed her vet checkup. She was frail, but it was from old age. Peaches NEVER did well at the vet. It was always a struggle for her. She'd pant and sometimes even vomit on the vet. I HATED having to take her, but I knew it was for her own good. But later in the year in 2015, she began to have a bulkiness in her crop, like it had swelled. The vet said I could take her in for a 'cropwash', but I was hesitant. She was eating and drinking fine, behaving as she normally would and still perching. So I decided not too. I was terrified she wouldn't survive the procedure, much less the trip. So I decided to let nature take its course.

She passed in the end of December and I still play 'monday morning quarterback' about it. But not as much as I used too. I keep telling myself ("I should've taken her to have the procedure, she'd still be alive if I had"). But truth is, I don't know that and what if she passed on the way to the vet? Or during the procedure? I'd have NEVER forgiven myself.

There is only so much we can do for our fids (and even human kids). We can't perform miracles no matter how much we may want too. But if we do our best to ensure that ALL their 'needs' are met and they are provided a 'happy' existence, that's all that is required to keep a clear conscience.

But there are two kinds of ignorance: the kind that occurs from lack of knowledge or experience in something vs the kind where you are educated/experienced in something and don't absorb the knowledge or learn from the experience.

The blame and guilt belongs to the latter, not the former.

 

[Skittys_Daddy]

As a side note- before I got Skittles, my sunny, I did a LOT of research due to being warned of the 'pitfalls' of owning a sun. With as much knowledge as I learned prior, I learned so much more after getting him and even since. The 25 years of experience I had when I first got him paid off. I just continue to keep my eyes and mind open to learning new things about ways I can better his life.

 

[GaleriaGila]

I like you already.
Forgive yourself.
I've done far worse, but by the Grace of Fate, all was well...
I'm glad you're here.

 

[Flboy]

Been there, pray to never be again! It hurts!

 

[Chrissiejingles]

So sorry for your loss. I too have many regrets. I just try to remember that my belived parrot had a happy life with me.