I finally feel able to post about my loss, but I'm still struggling badly with it. Apologies for the length of the post, I guess I just have to let it out.
My African Grey Charlie passed away on 26th December 2014 at 11:06 PM. I got him as a 4 year old in early 1986, he'd been rescued from the foyer of an hotel where he was ill treated by several staff members.
It took a while to earn his trust but the bond we developed was just beautiful, though I was the only one he'd ever let handle him.
He'd never shown any signs of illness but in 2004 he developed aspergillosis. The first vet we took him to didn't know enough about birds but instead of referring him straight away. Eventually he saw a specialist who saved him with major surgery to his nose and he has had to be nebulised twice daily for the rest of his life, as well as being on a course of anti-fungal drugs (a shame VFEND wasn't available back then.
Unfortunately the asper came back again a couple of years later, this time internally. More major surgery but the wonderful vet pulled him through, though the pain medication left him immune suppressed and he developed pneumonia. He spent nearly 6 months in hospital in total and I visited him every day making a 110 mile round trip after work (the staff there loved his character even if he did try and bite them).
He suffered recurrent breathing problems and had frequent vistis to the vet in the following years, the asper also flaring up again in late 2013. Fortunately, with vfend now available he seemed to recover well.
Then on Christmas day he seemed to develop breathing problems briefly. He'd had a number of episodes like this and a fair few late night/early morning dashes to the vets as false alarms. Just a bit of quiet needed. So I put him back in his cage overnight, getting up regularly to check on him. The next morning he seemed fine. He was happy, his normal self and eating well on the 26th. Then at around 10:15 PM he started to display symptoms again. I prepared his carry cage and was going to ring the vet in the hope he was available because of the time of year (we only have two Avian specialists within a 70 mile radius). He was sat on my shoulder, slwly getting worse and then he was gone.
I was totally beside myself. He wouldn't have survived the journey to the vet in any case. 28 years with him and 10 years of almost constant care and very large sums spent on veterinary bills (I'd have re-mortgaged the house if necessary to pay for his care). Regular checkups during which he had to go under anesthetic to be scoped. Those 10 years of care made the bond even closer.
We knew he might not reach his potential lifespan because of the illnesses, but you still can't prepare yourself for that sudden departure and we'd hoped we'd have a few more happy years with him yet.
I know in my heart I'd given him a lot of love, care and a happy life, but it's still impossible to escape the feelings of guilt and worry that I'd failed him somehow. Was his original illness preventable (the vet assures me there were many possible reasons he could have fallen victim to aspergillosis originally and because he had illnesses when we first got him, his immune system was already weak). What if I'd been able to contact the vet on Christmas day? Was there something that could have been done? Should I have tried and not seen how he was overnight, taking a risk that it was just another false alarm.
He positively hated the vet, if I'd gotten him there on the 26th, his respiration was so bad he may have had a heart attack just through being handled and the stress might have killed him. I'd have hated for him to have died in that situation. I also think about the fact he could have been in the vet's overnight, still not have made it. I wouldn't have been with him and he might have died alone.
At least I was there with him at the end and he was in his own home, but it's difficult reconciling that knowledge and the fears of him dieing alone with the worry that he could have been saved and that I failed him.
The house is so quiet and empty without his presence. He had such an impressive vocabulary and was incredibly interactive. What's worse is, I've been hunting through old photos and searching for video of him and find I've actually got very little. 28 years and it feels like I took his presence for granted.
I found this forum because I was struggling to come to terms with it and wondered how others coped. I wish I'd found it while he was still around. I don't know many other parrot owners locally and very few people can understand the sense of loss as in their eyes it's just a bird, whereas I feel like I've lost a child and a best friend.
My African Grey Charlie passed away on 26th December 2014 at 11:06 PM. I got him as a 4 year old in early 1986, he'd been rescued from the foyer of an hotel where he was ill treated by several staff members.
It took a while to earn his trust but the bond we developed was just beautiful, though I was the only one he'd ever let handle him.
He'd never shown any signs of illness but in 2004 he developed aspergillosis. The first vet we took him to didn't know enough about birds but instead of referring him straight away. Eventually he saw a specialist who saved him with major surgery to his nose and he has had to be nebulised twice daily for the rest of his life, as well as being on a course of anti-fungal drugs (a shame VFEND wasn't available back then.
Unfortunately the asper came back again a couple of years later, this time internally. More major surgery but the wonderful vet pulled him through, though the pain medication left him immune suppressed and he developed pneumonia. He spent nearly 6 months in hospital in total and I visited him every day making a 110 mile round trip after work (the staff there loved his character even if he did try and bite them).
He suffered recurrent breathing problems and had frequent vistis to the vet in the following years, the asper also flaring up again in late 2013. Fortunately, with vfend now available he seemed to recover well.
Then on Christmas day he seemed to develop breathing problems briefly. He'd had a number of episodes like this and a fair few late night/early morning dashes to the vets as false alarms. Just a bit of quiet needed. So I put him back in his cage overnight, getting up regularly to check on him. The next morning he seemed fine. He was happy, his normal self and eating well on the 26th. Then at around 10:15 PM he started to display symptoms again. I prepared his carry cage and was going to ring the vet in the hope he was available because of the time of year (we only have two Avian specialists within a 70 mile radius). He was sat on my shoulder, slwly getting worse and then he was gone.
I was totally beside myself. He wouldn't have survived the journey to the vet in any case. 28 years with him and 10 years of almost constant care and very large sums spent on veterinary bills (I'd have re-mortgaged the house if necessary to pay for his care). Regular checkups during which he had to go under anesthetic to be scoped. Those 10 years of care made the bond even closer.
We knew he might not reach his potential lifespan because of the illnesses, but you still can't prepare yourself for that sudden departure and we'd hoped we'd have a few more happy years with him yet.
I know in my heart I'd given him a lot of love, care and a happy life, but it's still impossible to escape the feelings of guilt and worry that I'd failed him somehow. Was his original illness preventable (the vet assures me there were many possible reasons he could have fallen victim to aspergillosis originally and because he had illnesses when we first got him, his immune system was already weak). What if I'd been able to contact the vet on Christmas day? Was there something that could have been done? Should I have tried and not seen how he was overnight, taking a risk that it was just another false alarm.
He positively hated the vet, if I'd gotten him there on the 26th, his respiration was so bad he may have had a heart attack just through being handled and the stress might have killed him. I'd have hated for him to have died in that situation. I also think about the fact he could have been in the vet's overnight, still not have made it. I wouldn't have been with him and he might have died alone.
At least I was there with him at the end and he was in his own home, but it's difficult reconciling that knowledge and the fears of him dieing alone with the worry that he could have been saved and that I failed him.
The house is so quiet and empty without his presence. He had such an impressive vocabulary and was incredibly interactive. What's worse is, I've been hunting through old photos and searching for video of him and find I've actually got very little. 28 years and it feels like I took his presence for granted.
I found this forum because I was struggling to come to terms with it and wondered how others coped. I wish I'd found it while he was still around. I don't know many other parrot owners locally and very few people can understand the sense of loss as in their eyes it's just a bird, whereas I feel like I've lost a child and a best friend.
