Emotional advice for me, questions rerding this

[joshwahwoo]

I have done a lot of research, spent time at rescues, and was very happy and excited, i am 16 boy and i have bonded with a blue and gold macaw. After taking him home, he bit me hard a few times but he was very sweet and funny. He screams for a few minutes whenever I leave his sight, and i love him so much already when ive only gotten him for a few days. I have had a dog before but passed away(got him when i was 2 weeks old so we grew up together), and me caring(emotionally) for the macaw has made me very stressed and has given me so much pressure. I still am not too sure why i am stressed/depressed/anxious but it is because of my love for the bird, somehow caring emotionally of something has made me very stressed and tired.

I have not left my house for a week because of the pressure and all ive done is take care of the bird, do work/study, eat, sleep, cry.
the bird has indirectly given me anxiety, although he loves nibbling and cuddling and i love him so much. I do not know how to describe it but its like putting so much love in a small container you want to explode(in a negative way).

Right now i plan to keep him for a while more to see if the anxiety and depression gets better. but i wanted to ask some questions:
Will rehoming/returning him(cookie - my macaw) hurt him emotionally? will he be scarred for life?
Will he still like me if i visit him sometimes?

Any other advice/experiences would be appreciated

 

[wrench13]

Josh, a macaw is a HUGE responsibility for a 16 yr old. Aside from the time every day that you will need to spend with him, out of the cage (which is going to eventually be less and less as you grow up, attend college, have a social life, meet and date a GF, hold a job), the financial cost for macaw ownership is huge compared to even a amazon or other medium size parrot. Big birds have big $$$ costs. Food and toys, both which need to be replaced, toys especially, can run well over $100 USD a month. WHo is paying for those? If its you, then factor in holding a part time job on top of school.

Generally the experienced people here do not recommend teen agers or college students to get a parrot because of the above. Even tho you nhave bonded a it with Cookie, I suggest you return him to the shelter, and let him have a long term home with people who would be better equipped to raise him. The longer you keep him, the more he will be affected by a change in his life.

This may seem harsh, but it will be for the best of the macaw. Once you graduate college, and have your career in sight, thats the time to think about taking on the parronting of a large parrot like a macaw.

 

[SailBoat]

I do not understand why a Rescue would release any Parrot to a 16 year old, let alone a Macaw. Not because of your age, but as stated above, the extensive costs involve with a Macaw! The cost list for a single year is in the thousands of dollars.

Kindly return the Macaw today. It will be better for everyone!

 

[Flboy]

I am so sorry, but the above advice is your best direction!

 

[LaManuka]

No amount of reading and research can truly prepare you for what a huge commitment a macaw is, not only financially but physically and emotionally. Nobody will think badly of you if you were to return Cookie to the shelter where they have all the resources to care for him. I’m sure you want what’s best for him, they certainly are magnificent and beautiful birds but they are a huge responsibility to care for properly.

 

[Laurasea]

I feel your stress. You can return flock calls. But the parrot has to be able to entertain himself with chewing, foraging, puzzles, ECT. Even having an outdoor avairy can be helpful.

Obviously you love parrots. And you are wise to reach out. You know you can't go on like this. You wouldn't adopt a baby at this time in your life, and that's what this is like.

I too think rehoming would be wise. And yes he will be ok emotionally in a home that priorities a parrots well being, understand the time, money, noise, destruction and all that comes with a parrot.

To keep him you would need the support of your family, a way to keep the parrots mind busy, a wsy to get the parrot a lot of excerise, a lot of social time.

If you rehome, you are still a good person, you can still have parrots in your future.
Much love to you.

 

[joshwahwoo]

Josh, a macaw is a HUGE responsibility for a 16 yr old. Aside from the time every day that you will need to spend with him, out of the cage (which is going to eventually be less and less as you grow up, attend college, have a social life, meet and date a GF, hold a job), the financial cost for macaw ownership is huge compared to even a amazon or other medium size parrot. Big birds have big $$$ costs. Food and toys, both which need to be replaced, toys especially, can run well over $100 USD a month. WHo is paying for those? If its you, then factor in holding a part time job on top of school.

Generally the experienced people here do not recommend teen agers or college students to get a parrot because of the above. Even tho you nhave bonded a it with Cookie, I suggest you return him to the shelter, and let him have a long term home with people who would be better equipped to raise him. The longer you keep him, the more he will be affected by a change in his life.

This may seem harsh, but it will be for the best of the macaw. Once you graduate college, and have your career in sight, thats the time to think about taking on the parronting of a large parrot like a macaw.

Thanks, financially I am actually doing good. My parents can provide plenty of money for the bird, giving time for the bird is actually no problem. It’s the emotional stress I have - right now the same vicious cycle of thoughts are running through my head, it’s mainly deciding whether I should take care of him and love him for 70 years but have my heart broken and depressed when he passes, or give him to someone else now but I will also have my heart broken but less. Believe it or not but the bird is doing good, it’s me that’s having trouble. Again I still need to think about it.

 

[Jottlebot]

I saw this thread yesterday and I've been thinking about it a bit.

It does seem to me that your anxiety response has been very intense. I respect and would listen to the above advice on returning the bird to the shelter, it isn't often advice that is given here. I think you should return your macaw.

After that I, however, do feel there are other issues that you might want to be thinking about. I'm wondering whether you have problems with anxiety more generally? I'm not suggesting this is the right place to discuss them, but perhaps you need to do a bit of work on managing and reducing this anxiety? Understanding the responsibility of bringing a bird into your life is excellent, but I don't think it should have weighed on you as much as it did. People care for birds beautifully and still feel able to go to work and go out and leave the house.

If this is a one off, well maybe that tells you that actually, you aren't ready for a bird yet because you understand the responsibility, but haven't developed a way to manage that in an effective way yet. If that is the case you're 16 there's no rush! If this isn't a one off, or you've had similar experiences before then maybe think about looking at your own wellbeing and mental health. There are plenty of online sources of support and also no doubt face-to-face help too you and your parents could look at. I wish you all the best

 

[joshwahwoo]

I saw this thread yesterday and I've been thinking about it a bit.

It does seem to me that your anxiety response has been very intense. I respect and would listen to the above advice on returning the bird to the shelter, it isn't often advice that is given here. I think you should return your macaw.

After that I, however, do feel there are other issues that you might want to be thinking about. I'm wondering whether you have problems with anxiety more generally? I'm not suggesting this is the right place to discuss them, but perhaps you need to do a bit of work on managing and reducing this anxiety? Understanding the responsibility of bringing a bird into your life is excellent, but I don't think it should have weighed on you as much as it did. People care for birds beautifully and still feel able to go to work and go out and leave the house.

If this is a one off, well maybe that tells you that actually, you aren't ready for a bird yet because you understand the responsibility, but haven't developed a way to manage that in an effective way yet. If that is the case you're 16 there's no rush! If this isn't a one off, or you've had similar experiences before then maybe think about looking at your own wellbeing and mental health. There are plenty of online sources of support and also no doubt face-to-face help too you and your parents could look at. I wish you all the best

Yes, what you said is pretty much what I’ve been going through my head. I’ll summarise things about myself, my parents are financially stable and can provide money for the bird. I have ptsd and stress more than foreigners, I am from Hong Kong, and I am a student, you can probably figure out the rest. It’s only been a week, but I’ve grown quite attached to the bird, it seems like he likes me too, he loves scratches and loves dibbling and playing with my fingers with his weird leathery tongue. My dog past away a year ago and it was very depressing, I am thinking about after 70 years I am going to have to deal with this again and I emotionally don’t want to go through it again- this is one of the reasons I want to regime him. But on the opposite side the previous owner was a horrible owner, he came to my house to remove a chain he put in the bird, once the bird saw him he flew instantly and was extremely stressed. Since he has bonded to me, if I return him will he miss me - thinking about him missing me hurts me so much, I have cried and am so depressed and anxious - even though it’s only been a week i already know I will miss him so much. I’ve been going back and forth with the rehoming or not rehoming. Most of the advice here are on financial perspectives and don’t really help the situation. And btw, I am not the only one caring for the bird, I was the one who wanted to rescue him but My whole family is caring for him too.

 

[SailBoat]

Please read back what you have stated...
You are rolling within a fear blanket, adding /creating narratives of 'what might happen.' Thus blinding you from other realities...

You need to change your Vantage Point!
Your current vantage point is self-defeating and destructive.

If you cannot break this trend by yourself, you should consider find support services.

Parrots and especially Macaws are highly emotional creatures that also deeply tie into our emotions... It is important for their good health that you are healthy.

 

[joshwahwoo]

Please read back what you have stated...
You are rolling within a fear blanket, adding /creating narratives of 'what might happen.' Thus blinding you from other realities...

You need to change your Vantage Point!
Your current vantage point is self-defeating and destructive.

If you cannot break this trend by yourself, you should consider find support services.

Im managing myself now. I just want to ask a question, what are the impacts on rehoming him? Will he miss me ? Will he be depressed?

 

[itzjbean]

One additional thing to thin about -- unless you will be living with your parents for 50 more years (likely not), you need to think about your own income. Mom and Dad won't take care of you and the macaw forever. If you keep the macaw eventually kids leave their parents homes (age 18-21 is normal) and after that it is up to YOU to handle all costs of the bird. This is not an easy task if you will be continuing school for university/college or plan on dating and starting a family of your own someday. I know it seems a long time away, but take it from someone who got a bird as a teenager and had to rehome him after 5 years because I didn't realize the commitment -- rehome your macaw, it's for the best for all involved.

 

[shinyuankuo]

Although I am a nobody on the forum, I would like to stop this thread from going to the wrong direction here. Guys, as much as we want advocate for the bird, we need to communicate in the best way to get our points across, so let’s communicate in the way that OP understands.

Josh, I remember your last post, and you probably remember me, too. The members on the forum did not really recommended a bird to you because of multiple reasons. You are now experiencing one of the consequences of having a bird (by consequence, I don’t imply any negative or positive. It is simply an occurrence of something followed by an action.)

Your health is vital to your birds health. Your bird will suffer temporarily if you return him, but the suffering might become more and more if he becomes too invested in you. If that makes any sense. I believe your love and your concerns, but I agree that you are probably not in a great position to keep him.

 

[Terry57]

Although I am a nobody on the forum, I would like to stop this thread from going to the wrong direction here. Guys, as much as we want advocate for the bird, we need to communicate in the best way to get our points across, so let’s communicate in the way that OP understands.

Josh, I remember your last post, and you probably remember me, too. The members on the forum did not really recommended a bird to you because of multiple reasons. You are now experiencing one of the consequences of having a bird (by consequence, I don’t imply any negative or positive. It is simply an occurrence of something followed by an action.)

Your health is vital to your birds health. Your bird will suffer temporarily if you return him, but the suffering might become more and more if he becomes too invested in you. If that makes any sense. I believe your love and your concerns, but I agree that you are probably not in a great position to keep him.

Some posts have been removed and will hopefully get this thread back on track.
Excellent advice in this post!

 

[Laurasea]

This article might be helpful
https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/stress-reduction-for-parrot-companions/

 

[Ira7]

This might make you rethink your anxiety, but in a bizarre way:

You’re still a kid, a young man who thinks life is forever...and you’ve already determined that you will outlive your bird. Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.

Life is full of tragedy, and with the life expectancy of macaws, when properly fed and cared for, I wouldn’t bet the house that you’re going to outlive him anyway!

Feel better?

 

[LaManuka]

Although I am a nobody on the forum, I would like to stop this thread from going to the wrong direction here. Guys, as much as we want advocate for the bird, we need to communicate in the best way to get our points across, so let’s communicate in the way that OP understands.

Josh, I remember your last post, and you probably remember me, too. The members on the forum did not really recommended a bird to you because of multiple reasons. You are now experiencing one of the consequences of having a bird (by consequence, I don’t imply any negative or positive. It is simply an occurrence of something followed by an action.)

Your health is vital to your birds health. Your bird will suffer temporarily if you return him, but the suffering might become more and more if he becomes too invested in you. If that makes any sense. I believe your love and your concerns, but I agree that you are probably not in a great position to keep him.

Shinyuankuo you got something wrong in your post. You are most certainly NOT a nobody on this forum!!

 

[bug_n_flock]

Yeah I agree. Kid, you're 16. You are assuming to still be around and caring for a macaw at age 86? I got some statistics you should take a look at. Freedom, my B&G, is 3 years older than me, give or take. My goal is to have her outlive me, and leave her to a family member.



Not saying you should or shouldn't keep your bird, but I am saying that nothing in this life is guaranteed. Not even tomorrow. You could get hit by a bus next week. Don't stress about losing the bird in 70 years and being sad at the loss...

 

[Betrisher]

I've kept all sorts of animals all my life (and I'm old now), so the notion of a 16-year-old keeping a macaw doesn't horrify me as it might horrify some. In fact, one of our most esteemed members was only a teenager when she acquired her famous macaw, Fargo, and began training him to do the amazing things he does. She's left home now and working as a biological scientist and Fargo is still doing *fabulously* well!

So it can work.

The thing is, everything depends on you: the amount of commitment you're prepared to make; the quality of food and toys you provide; the time you spend training and cleaning and occupying your bird. That's all completely up to you. So is your mental health. It seems to me you're in a pretty wobbly state right now: depressed, anxious, crying, right? So, do you think now is the best time to be making lifetime decisions? When you're not well and at a time when everything you approach is coloured black? Might be a better idea to step back and take stock.

Seems to me, you have two options:

(i) keep Cookie and struggle on, subjecting him every day to your own ill-health and communicating your anxiety to him;

(ii) rehome Cookie and battle your problems until you're better and more able to truly provide a secure home for a living creature.

From your posts, it seems you're hoping someone will give you 'permission' to keep Cookie, despite all the odds being against a happy outcome. We can't do that! You're sixteen! Even if some magic caused your life to be perfect, you'll be undergoing massive changes in the next ten years. You'll graduate from school and move onto to higher education or work. You'll probably have one or more relationships and may or may not suffer heartbreak. You'll move house, maybe to a place far away (college?). And you'll have to cope with all this because that's just the way it is. Every one of those changes will impact Cookie in a major way and he won't know why you're doing the things you are, just that he's confused and wishes things stayed the same. OR you could allow him to try for another home where his needs can be met right away and where he needn't be subject to the upheaval in your life.

This is where you have to be most honest with yourself. Do you seriously believe your mental health issues can be addressed successfully in the short term and do you honestly know that you'll be able to keep Cookie in a stable, stimulating and angst-free environment for the foreseeable future? Only you can answer this.

If your answer is 'I think I can', then go ahead and keep the bird. HOWEVER! You absolutely must seek professional help for your depression and anxiety (because those are not connected to the bird: I think we all know that) and do your level best to improve your situation. If you can't do that for yourself, then you're certainly not a good prospect as a bird owner.

Before anyone jumps on me, I have to say that people with mental health problems have children and no one would ever suggest relinquishing a beloved child simply because of a temporary illness. This young man is in the same position. His age really means nothing (look at Tab and Fargo or Tay and Rio) and he has already stated his intention to commit to his bird for life. He may make mistakes (who among us hasn't) and it may be the bird will be rehomed later on (plenty of our members rehome birds for a plethora of reasons), however he deserves the chance to try providing he seeks help for himself and continues to provide the best for his bird.

I'm sorry this has turned into an essay, but it's an essay-worthy subject. Good luck to you and please do get help: you don't have to live life in this awful state. Things could be so much better for you.

 

[joshwahwoo]

I've kept all sorts of animals all my life (and I'm old now), so the notion of a 16-year-old keeping a macaw doesn't horrify me as it might horrify some. In fact, one of our most esteemed members was only a teenager when she acquired her famous macaw, Fargo, and began training him to do the amazing things he does. She's left home now and working as a biological scientist and Fargo is still doing *fabulously* well!

So it can work.

The thing is, everything depends on you: the amount of commitment you're prepared to make; the quality of food and toys you provide; the time you spend training and cleaning and occupying your bird. That's all completely up to you. So is your mental health. It seems to me you're in a pretty wobbly state right now: depressed, anxious, crying, right? So, do you think now is the best time to be making lifetime decisions? When you're not well and at a time when everything you approach is coloured black? Might be a better idea to step back and take stock.

Seems to me, you have two options:

(i) keep Cookie and struggle on, subjecting him every day to your own ill-health and communicating your anxiety to him;

(ii) rehome Cookie and battle your problems until you're better and more able to truly provide a secure home for a living creature.

From your posts, it seems you're hoping someone will give you 'permission' to keep Cookie, despite all the odds being against a happy outcome. We can't do that! You're sixteen! Even if some magic caused your life to be perfect, you'll be undergoing massive changes in the next ten years. You'll graduate from school and move onto to higher education or work. You'll probably have one or more relationships and may or may not suffer heartbreak. You'll move house, maybe to a place far away (college?). And you'll have to cope with all this because that's just the way it is. Every one of those changes will impact Cookie in a major way and he won't know why you're doing the things you are, just that he's confused and wishes things stayed the same. OR you could allow him to try for another home where his needs can be met right away and where he needn't be subject to the upheaval in your life.

This is where you have to be most honest with yourself. Do you seriously believe your mental health issues can be addressed successfully in the short term and do you honestly know that you'll be able to keep Cookie in a stable, stimulating and angst-free environment for the foreseeable future? Only you can answer this.

If your answer is 'I think I can', then go ahead and keep the bird. HOWEVER! You absolutely must seek professional help for your depression and anxiety (because those are not connected to the bird: I think we all know that) and do your level best to improve your situation. If you can't do that for yourself, then you're certainly not a good prospect as a bird owner.

Before anyone jumps on me, I have to say that people with mental health problems have children and no one would ever suggest relinquishing a beloved child simply because of a temporary illness. This young man is in the same position. His age really means nothing (look at Tab and Fargo or Tay and Rio) and he has already stated his intention to commit to his bird for life. He may make mistakes (who among us hasn't) and it may be the bird will be rehomed later on (plenty of our members rehome birds for a plethora of reasons), however he deserves the chance to try providing he seeks help for himself and continues to provide the best for his bird.

I'm sorry this has turned into an essay, but it's an essay-worthy subject. Good luck to you and please do get help: you don't have to live life in this awful state. Things could be so much better for you.

Thanks I agree with all of this. I believe I can take care of him without problem, the problem is on my side and my side alone. Since for now he is a family pet when I do move out there might be a big impact on him and I do not want him to be stressed or sad. He has been badly mistreated by his old owner, and anything that reminds him of the owner scares him to death, we removed a chain out and every time he sees the chain he flips out and goes crazy, obviously i have thrown it away now. But honestly I just want some confirmation on here that cookie will be happy and is capable of moving on from me. I believe I am the only/first human to show him any sort of affection and proper care, so when I put myself in cookies perspective : the first person that loves me, my dad is sending me away now. This thought just makes me so depressed. So for now, what I plan to do is to keep him for a week more, talk to some psychiatrists and see if I feel better.