Disability: Inability to preen my bird...

[GaleriaGila]

I thought long and hard about posting this rather personal issue, but I have become very comfortable here, and I could really use some input.

I have a neuromuscular disorder that has resulted in loss of feeling in my feet and hands. It was mild for a very long tme, but has finally resulted in complete numbness and significant decline in fine muscle control in my fingers. I have a lot of support, and great medical care, and I manage to do most things I want. One problem I have not solved, however, concerns the Rickeybird.

Specifically, I can no longer preen his head (or anything else)... light strokes are about all I can manage. After many years of ridding him of feather sheaths on his head and neck, and smoothing his wings and tail, it has all ground to a stop.

We all know how important mutual preening is. I can only imagine that he interprets it as rejection, if not hostility. Annnnnnd... those of you who know the Rickeybird will already be aware that he is pretty much a terror in the BEST of situations, let alone this one.

I got him a brush-like fixture that is supposed to allow single birds to preen their own heads; he didn't lile that. I tried preening his head using one of his own flight feathers; he didn't like that. I tried using my knuckles on him; he didn't like that.

He used to preen my bangs... he would do one or two hairs and then bow his head for minutes and minutes of me preening HIM. But now he doesn't even do that.

I feel sorry for him. Any thoughts? At least I'll feel like I left no stone unturned by asking here. You're all the best!

Here's a video of his poor little green head full of pin-feathers.
But isn't he cute with his funny little toy-link-colorful-thingies?

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifBXuWS7YG8"]rickeybirdproductions - A trick! - YouTube[/ame]

Which reminds me... I was going to post this video but felt ashamed of his pin-feathers, and that convinced me to go ahead and bring the issue up.

Thanks as usual, everybody!

 

[Teddscau]

Well, until you can come up with a way to preen him better, maybe you should let Rickeybird know that your fingers are "sick." By not preening him like you used to, he probably thinks you don't love him as much, not knowing you can't preen him. For example, one of Washoe's (a chimpanzee) caretakers took time off work for a month after having a miscarriage. When she came back, Washoe ignored her and wouldn't communicate with her. So, her caretaker explained to Washoe that her baby had died, and Washoe just sat there quietly for a minute before signing that she (Washoe) was sorry that the woman's baby had died and wouldn't let her leave without hugging her.

If you could maybe convey the idea that your fingers aren't able to work properly, he'll understand and be more accommodating? Like, when animals are living with disabled friends, they treat them differently to accommodate their needs. Like, a lot of times with animals in captivity (and in the wild), if a member of their group has some sort of disability, whether physical or mental, they'll be very compassionate. For example, if one of their friends is mentally disabled and has a tendency to pull their hair/feathers or be generally "weird" and irritating, they'll often just let it go, understanding that individual is special and can't help it.

As for actually preening him, have you thought about one of those finger toothbrushes? Like, the kind with actual bristles and not just rubber nubs. He'll probably have to know first that your fingers don't work properly so he'll accept the finger brush as the best thing you can offer in the way of mutual preening.

From the video you posted, it appears as though nothing is wrong with your fingers. You're able to move them and get the job done. This is what Rickeybird sees most of the time. To him, you can still pick things up, use the remote, and everything else that doesn't require very delicate fine motor skills. He probably thinks your fingers are fine because you can still do all these things as your neuromuscular disorder progressed slowly, allowing you to adapt. Had it happened quickly, he would probably be able to tell that your fingers don't work like they used to and he would probably be more understanding and receptive to different preening and bonding methods. You have to help him understand.

 

[SailBoat]

I hear you and had a couple of ideas float in and out of my head. Prior to expanding on anyone or considering others, what is your comfort level with hand /eye coordination at this point? Available finger motion, etc...

This subject can /could become uncomfortable in an open Forum and based on your consideration, I am willing to take this as a PM with a third party as oversight like one of the SM's.

 

[Puck]

Hey Gail, I'm really sorry that you're going through this! That is super tough for you and the Rbird, physically and emotionally. If I were you I would continue to try the alternative methods of preening that Rickeybird wasn't too fond of, giving him time to adjust to this as the new way for you two to have your mutual preening sessions. Is there any chance that Rbird might let his dedicated Rival get the actual pin feathers (do the literal preening) then you could just do a lighter, alternative version with your knuckles? I really hope you figure out a way to work it all out, and much love to you! *hugs*

 

[GaleriaGila]

Teddscau... I think that's a brilliant idea. I will ponder it... how to show him my fingers don't work. OF COURSE he sees my fingers working elsewhere, not understanding that the sensitivity and gentleness needed for preening is so much greater. How exasperated he must be with me. I'll really study the idea, maybe do some reading. At some point, I'm more than willing to try a finger-thingie. I actually have some. Thank you so much for such an intriguing possibility.

Sailboat... if I am looking at my hands (or feet) I can control what they do. I still have dexterity with things like those link-toys. But as for sensation, absolutely none. When I reach into a bag of chips, I don't know what I'm bringing out, a hand full or none. Plus there's some motor control problems: I can't thread a needle, for example. I'm not very self-conscious, but I trust your judgment and would be grateful for private chat if you think it would be best.

One thing I should add is that we have had this preening stand-off for six months or so, and he is MAD about it. Still is. He hates my hands now. Will perch but even an attempt to groom makes him bite (sadly, as I was discovering I couldn't preen, I know I pulled and bent and hurt the tender shafts). He still nuzzles my lips and rides my shoulder and flies around after me if I leave a room without him. It's the quiet preening he used to love to do at dusk and dawn that he misses. So do I.

Thank you both.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Puck, thank you so much. I will go back to trying to think of some possible "instruments"... maybe just stick with the flight feather thing and see if he'll accept it.
No, sadly, the Rival is not ac acceptable nor willing preen-er. That would be a knock-down-drag-out fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for your good thoughts.
I really do feel sad for him. Here he stuck by his gigantic featherless eggless beakless hen all this time and now she won't even do her wifely duties.
I'll keep working on it!

 

[Terry57]

Gail, I am so sorry you are going through this, and so glad that you chose to share this with us. I am going to do some research to see if I can find something for you to try, I honestly can't think of anything right now. It would be great if RB would allow Rival to do that, it would be an incredible bonding experience for them.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Terry, thank you so much. I feel good about sharing it and asking for thoughts. The good wishes are pleasant, too! I will remain open to any ideas ANY of you have!!!!!!
Rbird and Rival hate each other so much. Despite my best efforts to build a bridge between them. Our biggest accomplishment has been that he will allow Rival to change his food and water, and IF AND ONLY IF we are at the vet's he will step up for him. If Rival tries to get near him OR ME, Rbird makes a flying attack. So it looks like my bird and I have to work it out between the two of us.

 

[Marileen]

Dear Gail, I understand very well that you feel sorry for RBird.
I am going to think real hard..... Maybe I'll get an idea.
My motor skills is also bad. That is why my crochetwork also is slow.
But I keep doing it.
Preening RBird requires all fine motor skills.
Like I said ... ... I'm going to think twice.

 

[Teddscau]

I'm glad I could give you some ideas into the issues the two of you are experiencing. Also, don't feel bad about not being able to thread needles, as whoever designs them are sadists! I've spent a solid two minutes once trying to thread a needle before yelling at it and getting someone else to struggle with it.

With Noah, he's quite flexible when it comes to preening. He just enjoys the intimacy, whether I be actively working on pin feathers, gently petting him, or softly pressing my head against him and gently moving my head while he's cuddling on my shoulder.

When you two used to preen, was it more of "I love you Mommy, I want to enjoy the physical intimacy that comes with preening", or "What are you doing just sitting there, can't you see I have itchy pin feathers?!"

Man, I'm really tired from worrying about Ju, so just pretend what I'm writing doesn't sound weird or lame.

Anyways, if it's the bonding he's missing, you could try just having him sit on your shoulder in the evening and gently caress him with your chin if you don't think he'll try to peck out your eyes or anything (I don't know very much about your little guy, so don't blame me if he chomps on your lip or something ). A lot of what Noah and I do in the evening involves him nestling on my shoulder in my hair, making weird little noises. He just wants to be close to me, and he loves it when I nuzzle him and caress him with my face/head. Rickeybird probably misses cuddling with you. During the day, Noah can be picky when it comes to preening, but pretty much anything goes in the evening, and it's probably the same for most birds.

And while we're all sharing how much our bodies suck, I might as well join in. I also suffer from mobility issues and whatnot. I suffer from hyper-mobility which means I tend to injur myself. There was a period of time a few months ago when my right should would get stuck whenever I reached and I'd have to pop it back in place (you have to be there, it's not as gross as it sounds). I also have to be careful when I use my left hand or else my wrist develops a ganglion cyst. Once, I couldn't use my left hand for a month because of a ganglion. I'm also flat footed which means I spend most of my time just sitting. Walking for more than five minutes causes me discomfort, but standing in one spot for more than a couple of minutes is far worse. I couldn't walk for two days after I went to the Smithsonian. Because I stood for so many hours (taking frequent breaks), I'd injured my joints and my left hip couldn't even support me by the time we got back to the hotel. So, you shouldn't feel bad about any disabilities or difficulties you have. I understand how hard this must be for you.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Thank you, thank you, Marileen. I knew you'd have a special view point. You and I share a lot and I really think we can help each other find new ways to do old stuff. I think your 'ladder perch attachment' (or whatever you call it!) to your chair is brilliant.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Teddscau... again, thanks. When we used to preen, the message was pretty sexual and selfish (that's my guy Quagmire)... he would demand preening, regurgitate a little (I'm so grateful that his "barf" smells like wet crackers... not bad at all) and he would sometimes do his little courting dance back and forth on my leg or the armchair, clicking his beak and head-bobbing... stuff like that.
Something you said caught my attention, though... just letting him be on my shoulder and nuzzling. He has never bitten my face. Just ears and hands. I will definitely give that a try. It didn't occur to me to give up on the knee-preening set-up and go to totally different location!
Noah sounds like a doll!
I hope your worries about Ju can be eased, and soon.

 

[Marileen]

Thank you, thank you, Marileen. I knew you'd have a special view point. You and I share a lot and I really think we can help each other find new ways to do old stuff. I think your 'ladder perch attachment' (or whatever you call it!) to your chair is brilliant.

Harry and Toon preen each other, but sometimes has one of the two a wing that have to be preened anyway.
Then I use a tiny squeeze tweets and a drinking straw.
I do not know how to explain this in the right way......I will try and hope you understand what I mean.
I squeeze the tube with the small tweets broke down and with the beginning or end of the drinking straw I slide it from the wing.
Do you understand a bit what I mean Gail?

Is RBird o.k. with it.... if Kirby does the preening?

 

[GaleriaGila]

Marileen, I think I can picture that! Very clever!!!!!!!!! Your guys are lucky to have each other, I'm sure of that.
Oh, noooooooooooooooooo... if the Rival tried to preen the Rbird, the Rbird would try to preen the Rival's eyeballs out of his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:33:

 

[Marileen]

Marileen, I think I can picture that! Very clever!!!!!!!!! Your guys are lucky to have each other, I'm sure of that.
Oh, noooooooooooooooooo... if the Rival tried to preen the Rbird, the Rbird would try to preen the Rival's eyeballs out of his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:33:

Sorry I have to laugh ... ... but the way you say this hahahahaha

 

[Teddscau]

Noah's a pretty good guy, but he's been a bit of a butt this past month. He's been having tantrums for some reason. The one day he flew over to my mom and just started biting the heck out of her throat. She'd done nothing to provoke him. He just suddenly became angry and wanted to hurt her. I gave him heck and had him step up, but he flew over again and was just started attacking her on the throat again. He was so out of control that he wouldn't listen to me and attacked me when I tried to get him to step up. I actually had to grab him with my hand and put him back in the cage to cool off. Mom had welts on her throat for two days. He kept trying to pick fights with her until I had her do some play sessions with a plastic baggy (crinkling a plastic bag to make him happy was the only way I could handle him for the first month I had him). He's a parrotlet, so I knew what I was getting into when my mom's coworker gave him to us.

With Noah, our relationship is pretty non-sexual. He mainly sees me as a friend and only regurgitated once for me. He does the wiggle neck dance when he eats sunflower seeds, but he uses it as more of a "happy dance." The more sunflower seeds he eats, the more he does his little dance . I try not to give him too many since he'll probably start regurgitating everywhere out of (non-sexual) excitement.

Maybe if things became less sexual with the two of you, he might start getting along with the Rival? Parrotlets are often very possessive are their mates, but Noah doesn't seem to become jealous and is will fly over and land on complete strangers even though I haven't really worked on socializing him. Maybe it's because he sees me as a friend rather than as a lover? Man, if someone who didn't know anything about parrots read this conversation...

And thanks for your words...something about Ju. Sorry, I start becoming incoherent with my typing when I'm tired.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Marileen... sometimes the only thing ya *CAN* do is laugh, right??????

Teddscau... I think you're handling Noah like a pro. A great combination of consistency and fun-loving-ness. Yes, I make up words when I want to.

I tried your nuzzling/shoulder suggestion tonight... he was a little cranky about it because he isn't used to it, but I think it's going to be nice once he settles into it. It's not preening, but it is close, and it was very pleasant for me.

I am pretty resigned to the idea that Rbird and Rival are not going to be friends. At least they tolerate each other in a civil manner. By the time Rival came along, Rbird was an adult male and he saw me as his hen; Patagonians mate for life, so I think the bond was pretty well a done deal. I am SURE I could have handled it better over the years, but we're all pretty set in our ways at this point. I'll be happy if Rbird and I can get a compromise or substitute for the preening problem.

Of course I would remark about Ju. We're a community here. I care.

 

[BeatriceC]

I don't have any advise, but hugs. That's got to be awful. I'm sorry.

 

[Teknogeddon]

My mom has FMS, so I'm quite used to shaky, unworking fingers. Catch is she can feel hers... too much actually. Constant, agonizing pain. For no reason. I really hope you and RBird can work this out, we all know how much you care for the little dinosaur.

 

[wrench13]

Gail, I am sympathetic to you ; Geri has something similar. What about just going back to preening him like you used to, just make a consiuod effort to do it badly; ie make the motions of doing it but dont even try to pinch off the shafts. Im sure he will miss the actual relief of having the shafts broken open, but this might convey to him that you dont do it well any more. An abstract thought like that is going tough to convey to him. But, I almost certain he also misses the close contact that preening offers, its like giving him scratchies. im not sure if I am explaining myself clearly; we can skype a bit if you think it will help.

But it may be time to give up the concert violinist gig.