Back to school - making friends?

[Psittaciformes]

Hello!

So basically, ~4 years ago I went to school to become an electrician, but I couldn't take it and ended up dropping out shortly after starting.
At the school before i was bullied for years and therefore don't handle being around people well.

In elementary school I did have friends outside of school for a while, i grew apart from most of them, some just ended up leaving.

Anyway, for 4 years I've lived like a recluse, battling addiction and mental health issues. I currently have 2 friends. My best friend lives in a different country and we've never met, but we've been friends for 7 years or so. My other friend I meet with like once a week sometimes.
We used to meet everyday, then every few months, then i think we didn't even meet for a year, barely even spoke. But we've gotten back in touch again and we're kinda close.

The problem is, I don't know how to talk to people anymore.
I've lost track of myself, I barely know who I am anymore, I seem to have forgotten how to live a sober life. I'm trying so hard to better myself and learn the joys of a sober life, doing things while being sober. Which is why I wanna go back to school again, I'm so incredibly tired of living like this.
But I'm scared of being bullied again and/or not even making any friends at all in school.

Any advice? ...

 

[Christinenc2000]

Not sure of your age but one thing I learned is . You have to like yourself before others will like or respect you. Sounds like you are well on the way there !!

 

[Psittaciformes]

I'm 20, turning 21 in a few months.
Yeah, I'm trying really hard. It's difficult, but I really want a change, not just myself, but my whole situation.
I just want to get my own place, but that's obviously not happening now unfortunately. But it's a goal worth working for.

 

[kq_fan]

Yes! Love yourself and ya I know that is hard to do! And it is wayyyy easier to befriend people on the computer than it is in real life! It can be scary. So what you can try is just smiling at people, that makes you happy and they feel a bit better and they say oh, your friendly! Even if they don't smile back, it still probably helped them a little. Say hi! Ask people about things like do you have any pets? what are their names? aw they sound so cute! Like that But um ya it is harder to do it... I am shy and I try but sometimes I just come off awkward... lol but my friends love me so I try to be a good friend!
I don't know, that was obvious I guess but still, my small advice for the day!

 

[Psittaciformes]

I guess that's something I need to work on a lot, I just feel so awkward and I start blushing so much, which makes it worse.
I've asked my friend if we could meet some of her friends one at a time, I used to be friends with some of them years ago. But I still get so anxious.
It's hard enough talking to people here as well, I've been postponing this thread for days. But i really need to get a social life again and try and gain trust in humans.

My social anxiety used to be way way high, I only started riding the bus again late summer/early autumn after not being on one for probably 2 years.
I get CBT done for social anxiety, which definitely helps, but my time there is almost up and I have a long way to go, but as long as he can give me some ideas on what to do and how to work on certain situations, it should work out well.

 

[riddick07]

You could volunteer with a parrot rescue. I always find it easier to talk to people with the same interests as me. It could help you start to talk to people again so that it isn't quite so hard during school.

 

[Psittaciformes]

There are no parrot or any kind of bird rescues in my area. You can barely even find cat or dog rescues. I'd love to volunteer somewhere though.

 

[RavensGryf]

Can you continue with where you go for CBT? Or get another professional therapist to help you? I think that this is very important for you at this point to continue seeing someone who can work with you on these valuable life skills. Even better is this in a small group setting with others who need help in the same areas. What state or area do you live in? If you let me know, I can try to help you research.

 

[sonja]

Volunteering is definitely the way to go! Do you like kids? If so, find something kid related to do because they will look up to you and perhaps that will make you more confident. It doesn't have to be wild and crazy activities with lots of kids - even helping a kid learn to read one on one would be a great confidence boost for you and a great service to a child.
Also, while bullying isn't unheard of at your age, it is nowhere near what young bratty kids will do with teasing and taunting and physical stuff. So, I wouldn't worry about that.
I think it's great that you were going to electrician school - for folks who don't wish to go the university education route, a professional trade is definitely the ticket to a better life.
Good luck - it sounds like you are thinking of all the right things, just take one step at a time to move forward.

 

[Psittaciformes]

I'm not sure, I'll probably have to be remitted again which might take months, but as long as he can give me a list of ideas and things to do and practice with, plus i can take into account what i did years ago for OCD as well, which also helped my social anxiety back then, but once I turned 18 i had to quit, was good for a short while, then it came back.

Well, I live in Sweden, so it might be a little hard for you. My Swedish isn't even that great anyway...
In fact, when I dropped out of school one of my teachers told me to learn Swedish before coming back.

 

[RavensGryf]

Forgive my ignorance on how the system works in Sweden, but is there something like government social services agency to at least get info from and get pointed in the right direction for help? A hospital or university might be a source for info on where/how to get help also.

It's tough enough to have these issues, and it sounds like you're not a native of Sweden and aren't fluent in the language, which I can see would make being social even more of a challenge. Still, I commend you for trying, and wanting to get out there and conquer this. all the best to you! Don't give up!!

 

[Psittaciformes]

Volunteering is definitely the way to go! Do you like kids? If so, find something kid related to do because they will look up to you and perhaps that will make you more confident. It doesn't have to be wild and crazy activities with lots of kids - even helping a kid learn to read one on one would be a great confidence boost for you and a great service to a child.
Also, while bullying isn't unheard of at your age, it is nowhere near what young bratty kids will do with teasing and taunting and physical stuff. So, I wouldn't worry about that.
I think it's great that you were going to electrician school - for folks who don't wish to go the university education route, a professional trade is definitely the ticket to a better life.
Good luck - it sounds like you are thinking of all the right things, just take one step at a time to move forward.

It depends on their age and how well they behave, if they're at the age where they sneeze and cough without covering their mouth and they touch all kinds of stuff to then stick their fingers in their mouth without washing them, or eating stuff off the ground, then no. Definitely no.
It makes me so incredibly anxious, I have emetophobia, phobia of throwing up/feeling sick.
It's one of the hardest psychological barrier I'm ever gonna have to overcome I think.

Helping someone read or helping them study could be fun, I've looked online for stuff like that, but I never meet the requirements.
I'd love to help handicapped people as well, same thing there, usually you need a drivers license and stuff, which I cannot afford.
Even if I could, I'd be a hazard on the road I think haha..

Problem is I have with people is I used to get beat up a lot growing up, chased home from school and what have you. No human friends.
When I tried the electrician school, my anxiety got really bad and I got so stiff and couldn't concentrate in class, I ended up getting a small room for some of the classes that I could study in all by myself. Which was great, until people tried kicking down the door.
But that was with younger people.

The school I'm gonna go to now is for people between the ages of 18-24. Compared to other schools, they're small groups of like 8-10 people I think the woman at the employment service said, which is a good start.
You can also get a room to study in occasionally if needed.
So I will be starting out with a 13 week motivational course, then a year of reading up my grades, then I wanna try and become a vet, preferably an avian vet, although I've never heard of one in my country. But I'm planning on moving to England eventually, as my best friend lives there.
So maybe once I'm there I could become an avian vet.

 

[sonja]

Sign up for a Swedish class!!! Everyone in the class will be in the same situation as you, trying to learn the language, so that will put everyone on the same level. And, you can try to do some outside practice with one person at a time that you feel comfortable with.
And, of course, knowing the language in the country you live in would be a huge help in every day social interactions.

 

[Psittaciformes]

Forgive my ignorance on how the system works in Sweden, but is there something like government social services agency to at least get info from and get pointed in the right direction for help? A hospital or university might be a source for info on where/how to get help also.

It's tough enough to have these issues, and it sounds like you're not a native of Sweden and aren't fluent in the language, which I can see would make being social even more of a challenge. Still, I commend you for trying, and wanting to get out there and conquer this. all the best to you!!

I actually am a native, but the only people I speak to in Swedish are my mum and my friend Jenny.
Jenny and I don't talk everyday and mum and I barely talk, she usually just yells or moans at me.
I learned English as a kid though.

I've tried getting help, first for social anxiety and severe OCD, then I turned 18 and they had to let me go, but I went right to rehab, then I went to a psychiatric clinic, they ended up kicking me out 'cause I relapsed 4 months after rehab.
Then from then on, there hasn't been a whole lot going on quite frankly.

Our cheap medical care really, REALLY shows sometimes. A lot of the times, to be quite honest.

 

[Psittaciformes]

Sign up for a Swedish class!!! Everyone in the class will be in the same situation as you, trying to learn the language, so that will put everyone on the same level. And, you can try to do some outside practice with one person at a time that you feel comfortable with.
And, of course, knowing the language in the country you live in would be a huge help in every day social interactions.

It'll just embarrassing for me, I was born and raised here, yet I kinda suck at the language.
If I'm just talking to Jenny or my mum I'm fine, but sometimes I confuse the structure of sentences with English, or I completely forget the Swedish word for something and I'm stuck there explaining what word I'm looking for.

But I think once I'm in school and get to listen to teachers speak Swedish and read books in Swedish, I'll get better at it again.

 

[RavensGryf]

Since Sweden is a bilingual country and they speak English a lot, I can see that . Great that you're on your way back to school. You can do it! Best of luck!

 

[Psittaciformes]

Thank you!
I really do hope it goes well, I'm really nervous. Will try my best not to let the anxiety stop me this time.
Would be nice with some friends as well.

 

[Betrisher]

Gee, I can sympathise with you. I've suffered from social anxiety for most of my adult life. I've recently been finding that it's not as uncommon as I thought and that plenty of people also have emetophobia. You're not alone!

In my opinion (which is only my opinion and others will differ), your first aim should be to get sober and stay that way. Self-medicating won't help you: it will only hinder your success. Once sober, you need to find a therapist you can trust and work your way out of the web of anxiety. Or, you need to remind yourself every single day of the techniques you've already learned and PRACTICE them. Anxiety doesn't go away by thinking about it, you have to work and practice the techniques all the time. The work pays off and you get much better at managing your symptoms.

Also, remember that symptoms are only symptoms. They're just the silly things your body does out of fear. The way I manage my own anxiety is to accept it and laugh at it. I guess at my (advanced) age, it'll always be a part of me, but I'm blowed if I'll let it define who I am. You MUST develop that kind of an attitude too! You're too young to sacrifice your life to a pesky anxiety disorder!

One last thing, about friendships: they will come in time. Slowly, as you get better and learn to forget your acute self-consciousness, you will be able to concentrate more on others than on yourself. Learn to ask questions of people and then simply sit and listen to their replies. Everyone feels flattered by another's interest, so cultivate a genuine interest in other people and you'll find it much easier to converse. A good listener is always the best conversationalist!

I wish you luck in your journey. When you look at it from the point of view of a victim, it's a daunting task. Try instead to think of yourself as just another flawed human being who's working things out one step at a time.

 

[RavensGryf]

Excellent post Trish! Great advice .

Psittaciformes, will you keep us updated? We'll be here for any encouragement you may need too! You'd be surprised if you knew what percentage of the adult population has struggles with something or another. You're not alone!

 

[Sunset_Chaser]

There's been a lot of great advice posted already! Keep your chin up Psittaciformes! We're rooting for you! Btw, you're not the only person who has emetophobia..........:54:Lol, I didn't even know there was a name for it until you mentioned it! I used to be a very shy person but have become more of a "people person" and don't blush nearly as much as I used to (we're roughly the same age) I used to try different tips and tricks to stop myself from blushing. Here's a couple that were supposed to help

"Realize that the person you are talking to is human too, picture them in their underwear as this may help you not blush"

Um....no, That DID NOT HELP!

When you feel yourself blushing, think to yourself "let's see how red my face can get" and by doing this on purpose it diminishes your blush.

Yeah right! That doesn't help either.

What worked best for me was this, realize that NOBODY is perfect. If you want to become an electrician, become one! Stay sober and don't let what other people think run your life, you can't please everyone. Be yourself, be nice to new people that you meet and friendships will develop. Is there a Church youth group or something you could get involved in? Good luck and please keep us posted!

Almost forgot, have you heard of busuu? https://www.busuu.com/enc/ it's a language site, you can get free courses or premium (paid) courses, I was on there a few years ago learning some german. They made learning a language fun!