Are broken bonds repairable?

[Avatar]

I'm new to the forum and have been doing research for weeks without finding the answer I'm searching for. I have three years working at Disney with large parrots, ten years veterinary experience, and ten years ownership of a CAG. Unfortunately my CAG recently passed away due to artheriosclerosis unexpectedly.

I adopted a ten year old military macaw, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. It was not my intention but we hit it off immediately when we met. It was love at first sight. I did not want a military based on my research but you can't deny chemistry. Having worked for three years at Disney with large parrots, I learned that you can earn any bird's respect/trust but love is something different. You either have chemistry or you don't. I had birds I performed with daily that I never got to the point I could pet. There was a GW there that I was the ONLY person who could pet him. So I know parrots bond is different from a working relationship.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is super outgoing, adventurous, friendly, and tons of personality. He loves my kids, the neighbors, and just about anyone that comes over he will climb on and preen them. Even his vet was blown away by his outgoing personality! I trimmed his nails and wings myself without any resistance. He walks all over the house and eats at the dinner table. I was spraying his cage with a hose and he walked off my husband to come shower in the spray. Super cool guy. He talks a lot, sings, and rarely screams or bites.

Because of my veterinary experience, it was important to me to have him evaluated by an avian board certified specialist. We ran bloodwork, fecal, and xrays. He was healthy but had diarrhea which needed medication twice a day for a week.

Now my new macaw, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, doesn't love me. He still respects me. I'm the only one he allows in his cage. He will still step up. He lets me pet him. The thing that has changed is that he shakes if I take him away from his cage, he no longer preens me, and no longer walks around the house. I know it sounds trivial but it hurts that he is afraid to be himself. I know he doesn't hate me because he doesn't attack me but he doesn't trust me either. He doesn't come when he is called anymore or follow me. He won't let me pet him with my left hand, only my right hand. He won't cuddle with me.

Things I've tried is hand feeding him his breakfast and dinner. He has free access to pellets all day but I cook him breakfast and dinner. I have a birdy cook book and I'm a health nut myself. He loves food and he looks forward to my concoctions.

It also hurts my feeling that the love he use to give me, he is now giving to any young girl that comes to my house. I'm trying to remember he is just a bird and doesn't mean to cheat on me. It just makes me sad. I want him to trust me again and like hanging out with me. We were outside and something scared him and he dove under a bush. I couldn't get him out so I had to get my neighbor because he loves her. Of course he comes running out cooing. He even likes my three year old better than me...which is kind of cute.

I'm just wondering if it just takes time. It has been two months since he finished his meds. My CAG was hand raised my me and he never held a grunge longer than a few hours. I'm feeling like I permanently damaged the relationship. It is ok, you can tell me the truth. I'm just holding out hope that someone will tell me I didn't screw this up too bad. Sorry to make this long but I need help. I've only had him for three months total, btw.

 

[Shayne]

You didn't mention specifically why he stopped loving you. Was it because of the medication or medical examinations?

Anyway I wouldn't worry about it. I knew someone who hit there macaw in a temper after getting bitten but was forgiven after a few days.

If I give my macaw a shower he stops loving me until he gets dry.

Anyway I wouldn't try too hard. My macaw can appear to love my house mates more than me sometimes but it's only because they don't give him much attention. So when they do get him out he's all over them and ignores me because it's someone different and exciting. Where as he gets my attention all the time.

 

[Mimsy01]

I don't have the experience you have with parrots, and none of your species. However, I feel the need to say something because of the bond being broke over medication which I've experienced before.

Did he really hate taking his medication?

I've had animals in the past that considered some medications as truly horrible experiences. In my case, a ferret who had to take ulcer medication. It probably took 6 months for him to trust me again. He would actually grimace when he saw me and sometimes he put his foot in his mouth, trying to stop me from sticking meds in there and this was long after he done taking them. My feelings were so hurt.

Anyways, time does heal wounds. Be patient and he will come around. Though if he needs to be on meds again I think I'd see if you have someone else in your house who can give them that doesn't mind being the untrustworthy one for a long while. If you have to be the one, see if you can have the meds made into something that he loves the taste of, so they are a treat and not torture. I found a pharmaceutical lab locally who was willing to compound medication into almost any flavor. They were also very helpful on which types of flavors hide which medications best.

 

[Flboy]

Welcome, I spend almost every day at the Disney data center!

 

[Birdman666]

I've dealt with birds that could only be handled in towels, that didn't trust anyone...

And they turned into loving companions. So, yeah, everything is fixable.

They get pissey from time to time, but they get over it. I wouldn't loose too much sleep over it.

He hasn't turned on you. He isn't attacking you. The relationship isn't broken...

Right now, my daughter is home all day, and Maggie spends all day with her. Follows her everywhere she goes. Last night, wandered up the stairs, went right by me looking for her...

She's still my bird, and my baby...

But Sarah's been playing with her more than I have the past few days. So, she's enjoying that and wants more of it.

Attention and new people... these are interesting. It means your bird is outgoing and friendly. Most macaw owners, especially the people that have overbonded birds that haven't socialized much, would say you've got it really good...

Extra one on one time especially one that involves a favorite game or treats, goes a long way...

And sometimes the opposite is also true. If you've been trying too hard?
Ignore the bird for a few days. Sorry, but you've been pissey lately...
Let him start to miss the interaction with you, and seek you out...
Then give him what he wants.

 

[Avatar]

You didn't mention specifically why he stopped loving you. Was it because of the medication or medical examinations?

I think it was the twice daily medication. It was doxycycline which tastes terrible despite being banana flavored. He really hated it. I'd only had him a few weeks before I started the medication. I finished the meds two months ago and I'm still on his $%!& list.

Thank you everyone for your personal stories, it give me hope.

Does anyone know if military macaws are known for holding grudges longer than other species?

I've tried giving him some personal days to cool off. I've tried bribery with new toys and treats. My husband thinks he is possibly behaving this way because I've inadvertantly rewarded his stand offish behavior. Is this possible?

Also I'm more cautious with my behavior around him so as not to make him uncomfortable. Should I just ignore his weird behavior and handle him like everything it fine? Could it make it worse if I ignore his signs that he is uncomfortable?

I took him on vacation last week with me because I was hoping spending some quality time together would re-ignite the closeness. However, he still ended up ditching me for another girl. I've even been sleeping in the living room with him. Like I said before, he isn't scared of me, he just doesn't enjoy my company as much. I'm respecting his personal bubble and not invading person space, i'm just spending more time in close proximity.

He is in love with my sister. I was thinking of letting him go live with her when i go on vacation next week. Maybe he'll lose his affinity for her and start missing me or maybe he would just be happier with her. Ugh, I feel like the psycho girlfriend, lol.

 

[Sterling1113]

It sounds like he's "pouting", so to speak. My pionus does this from time-to-time. If we have to cut his nails, or if we have company over for too long (he hates new people in his home!) then he'll "pout" and not want to leave his cage for a couple days. Then he realizes, life goes on, and he starts asking to be picked up again

One thing I'd try is sitting across the room from him (so he can see you, but have to walk to get to you.) and start playing with a toy or something, and make it REALLY fun! He'll see you having all sorts of fun, and being a macaw, he'll most likely be interested and want to check it out. Or he'll look at you like you're crazy, if he isn't too into toys. Lol. Just give it time, I'm sure he'll come back around

 

[Kiwibird]

First off, he NEEDED the meds. He may be 'upset' at the moment, but you did what you had to do. Don't blame yourself . He many not understand why you "manhandled him" and gave him some yucky tasting liquid, but had you not he may have loved you for a month and died due to the infection. Now that he's healthy, you have all the time in the world to re-build your bond

I would probably start dedicating time each day to focus on positive interactions. Perhaps some trick training would be fun for both of you and will rebuild trust and strengthen your bond. If he's too pissy to trick train, then perhaps start back at the beginning- talking softly to him and offering treats when he comes close to gain his trust. I have no doubt that with time and effort (and treats!), you'll be able to win him back over!

 

[itchyfeet]

My inlaws cockatoo and I had a super close bond. They'd call me for things they needed help with, and for whatever reason, I was able to work with him. He's actually here at the moment, I'm birdsitting as we speak.

Something went wrong. We don't know what, but suddenly, he was out to get me. He'd eye me up across the room, and high tail it for my heels. He'd call me over to his cage sweetly, only to lunge out. He took a few bites that week! I held my ground, didn't let him know I was intimidated, stayed firm but kind....and one day, a few weeks later, he was all good again.

Don't know what that was about! But it happened.....just hang in there.