apartment living concerns

[Owlet]

I really really want to move out. I just turned 21 and due to some childhood trauma this household has become suffocating and while my relationship with my family is good, my therapist has said I could benefit greatly from simply moving out. Anyways, the biggest thing that's been holding me back is I'm afraid of neighbors. Like, if they use teflon (and other like products) will that hurt my birds? How do other bird owners that live in apartments deal with neighbors?

 

[Laurasea]

Happy birthday!
If you've made it this far, I'd wait till you have a tidy sum saved.
As for apartment living, I'd didn't even think about others useing Teflon! Ugh.... But me and Burt The Bird lived in 2 different apartments and didn't have problems. .. I did have to convince each place not to spray for bugs, as it is standard practice in all places I've lived that they did monthly regardless if if you have bug problem..
Sorry your young life has had so much trauma.

Once I was given good advice, and I mean it in a helpful way , as was to me.
You can decide when it's time to lay your burden down, and walk away. Perhaps I was at the right time in my life to hear that.

 

[Owlet]

Happy birthday!
If you've made it this far, I'd wait till you have a tidy sum saved.
As for apartment living, I'd didn't even think about others useing Teflon! Ugh.... But me and Burt The Bird lived in 2 different apartments and didn't have problems. .. I did have to convince each place not to spray for bugs, as it is standard practice in all places I've lived that they did monthly regardless if if you have bug problem..
Sorry your young life has had so much trauma.

Once I was given good advice, and I mean it in a helpful way , as was to me.
You can decide when it's time to lay your burden down, and walk away. Perhaps I was at the right time in my life to hear that.

Thankfully my parents and I have talked about it and they're willing to help support me living on my own as long as I am taking classes which I am working on arranging.

And I understand what you are saying and I agree, it's good to just let things go. And while I have moved past majority of the things that made my childhood not great the anxieties and PTSD will most likely be life long.

 

[shinyuankuo]

We live in a one bedroom apartment with Winston. While we don’t use any not bird safe stuff to cook, we do smell what our neighbors are cooking. I highly recommend getting a HEPA air purifier that can auto detect any bad stuff in the air. We use RabbitAir. It give me a peace of mind that the air purifier will autopilot even when I’m not home.

 

[Laurasea]

Happy birthday!
If you've made it this far, I'd wait till you have a tidy sum saved.
As for apartment living, I'd didn't even think about others useing Teflon! Ugh.... But me and Burt The Bird lived in 2 different apartments and didn't have problems. .. I did have to convince each place not to spray for bugs, as it is standard practice in all places I've lived that they did monthly regardless if if you have bug problem..
Sorry your young life has had so much trauma.

Once I was given good advice, and I mean it in a helpful way , as was to me.
You can decide when it's time to lay your burden down, and walk away. Perhaps I was at the right time in my life to hear that.

Thankfully my parents and I have talked about it and they're willing to help support me living on my own as long as I am taking classes which I am working on arranging.

And I understand what you are saying and I agree, it's good to just let things go. And while I have moved past majority of the things that made my childhood not great the anxieties and PTSD will most likely be life long.

Glad you hsv support!
That PTSD is darn tricky stuff!
I was in a bad wreck with someone else driving, we took a curve and flew in the air flipping many times landing upside down. I cannot let other people drive me, on curvy roads at night. That pure panic I cannot lay down,no matter hiwuvg I've tried. So I'm very sorry about your PTSD , that us real tuff.

I hope you find a splendid place to live, and the joys of having everything just like you like in your own home. It is nice to control your own surroundings! That's a nice kind of freedom!

 

[noodles123]

Any chance you could rent a house or duplex instead? I did apartment life for a while and my anxiety was through the roof over it. There are a lot of things that they do in apartments (like spraying for bugs, or randomly painting halls) that can be very dangerous. Then there is the risk of neighbors using crazy chemicals or doing drugs (yes...it happened to me)--and those can come in through your vents in many cases. We managed...but it was scary and not without hassle or risk...plus the noise issue and potential for landlords to object to large birds. I would not go back to living that way if I could help it, and honestly, renting a house in most areas doesn't cost that much more...Is it doable? Yes...because I did it. Did it stress me out a ton? Yes, because of all of the random concerns/details that 99% of the population doesn't consider...I had a neighbor smoking outside of my picture window and it was coming into the unit strong--I had to put a note on their door asking them to move away because of my "asthma". My upstairs neighbors smoked in the shower and that came into my bathroom, so I always had to keep the door shut with a thick towel under the door.

 

[noodles123]

We live in a one bedroom apartment with Winston. While we don’t use any not bird safe stuff to cook, we do smell what our neighbors are cooking. I highly recommend getting a HEPA air purifier that can auto detect any bad stuff in the air. We use RabbitAir. It give me a peace of mind that the air purifier will autopilot even when I’m not home.

To get a really decent one though, you are looking at $700-1000 dollars (thankfully, you can do payment plans--I am currently on one that has be at roughly $50 monthly)-- but the cost is no joke--They get even more expensive than that if you are after a Rabbit Air etc--I am not trying to be a downer, because I 500% agree with this recommendation if you DO live in an apartment--you must have a very good air purifier for peace of mind, but it might be cheaper just to do a house or duplex, because even the best purifier will not catch Teflon etc (but in an apartment, a nice one will help with the VOCs and stuff from those around you)...Like I said--I lived with Noodles in an apartment for a chunk of time, but it was VERY stressful and risky (IMO). I wouldn't do it again knowing what I know now and knowing that a rental property is not that much more expensive if you shop around. Heck-- buying a house is even cheaper in the long run in terms of monthly payments, but that's a huge commitment with other financial add-ons that you probably don't want to deal with at this point.
I am saying that my ex rented a house for LESS than I paid for my semi-sketchy apartment AND I also rented a large house (compared to my 1 bedroom apt) for only $100 more....No worries about neighbors or other people's drug/cooking/cleaning/painting/insecticide fumes.

 

[SailBoat]

Just a warning, you're likely not going to like what I have to say, but if you suffer though it, you may just understand the why's...

First, I truly question the underlining reasoning of your therapist as you moving out will only assure your lifelong dependence on that person's care. Sadly, most of modern therapists design their care around the client needed continued support! They very rarely work to provide the tools to self-support, ever if they say they are, they are not.

Example: You state that you have lived in apartments before and it was very difficult as you are faced with zero control of the World that surrounds your apartment.You state that you have dealt with both anxieties and PTSD near all your life, which is only exasperated with your historical experiences with apartment life... So, based on that knowledge, why would an honorable therapist recommend your moving into that environment!?!?

Second, You say you have a 'functional' relationship with your parents, but that past issues still haunt you. Sorry, I inserted my read regarding your current home relationship... That said, I'm guessing that you are likely feeling the 'normal' want to live independently of your parents. Note the word 'Normal.' Point is, that is not tied to either your anxieties nor your PTSD. It's just 'Normal.'

It is my hope that your therapist helped clarify that difference with you. But, based on the likely position of the therapist, most likely not or limited at best...

Third, You say that you parents are willing to be of help, likely covering the cost of the apartment and other living costs. This will likely come to wear upon you as you will feel some level of control regarding their monthly expense... Commonly, this will come to feed your anxieties as you come to see near everything they say as controlling you.

And, your therapist likely never brought that up even thou it is a common occurrence. Yes, I may seem like I am slamming your therapist. Well, that is true, because it is so very common in todays World. At every meeting, your therapist should be providing you life handles for you to grab and hold onto when you feel the anxieties build. Likely occasional, but not at the end of every session.

How do you know? Each session should start with a review of the last sessions Life Handles (or like terms) and how they have helped and end the session with new ones that came from this session. If not, Run! You need someone that is going to provide you the Life Support your need, not a life time of support.

Should you move out. Not yet! You need to heal the relationship you have with your parents! You need to work at spotting where the starting points are for your anxieties and find means of controlling them when they are still small, tiny feelings. This will provide you insight as to controlling your anxieties. Part of that Life Handle thing!

It is very hard to come to the understanding that the Past is the Past and that people all have regrets as to what they did, said or didn't say or do in their past. They all wished they had the chance to correct their past, to ask forgiveness. As you may have seen me use this with Parrots, it also works just as good with Humans: When you Change Your Vantage Point, you begin seeing things from another persons position. It is very common with this happens from your position and you begin to work on your needed changes. The other person, will see a change and be open to doing the same.

As a Adult, we come to understand that we make errors all the time, being provided a chance to correct those errors is like lifting a heavy burden from another and at the same time from you.

Well, at this point, you have determined that I'm truly crazy or just a very old man passing along what I have learned from long life. May kindness be your guide!

 

[Owlet]

Hi sailboat I completely understand what you are saying but I think you misunderstood me a little. I have never lived in an apartment, I have lived in the same house my entire life. Due to this very bad memories are tied to just about every room in the house, and I live in a decently sized house. I have been seeing this specific therapist for many years now as I was in a really bad place for a very long time. I do trust her and I know her intentions are well meaned and I know she doesn't want me seeing her long term and truly wants to see me get better. I am glad you are willing to correct past mistakes, but others would rather stay blind and pretend the past never happened. My parents are like that. I've tried to talk to them and my offending brother multiples times and they refuse to acknowledge anything went wrong. My relationship with my entire family has gotten a lot better over the last few years and it's not something I entirely feel needs to be improved anymore. And even if there is room for improvement, it's hard to heal a wound when its constantly being re-afflicted. And I believe that's what my therapist is referring to in this house being a not great environment for me. When my eldest brother moved out I originally had a very strained relationship with him that could easily be called hatred and pure mistrust. He was a tormentor my entire life up to that point and not in an innocent sibling quarrel kind of way. He was ruthless and abusive and I never thought I would have any kind of relationship with him besides hatred. However distance let us both heal and come to terms with things, and while we still have a strained relationship I wouldn't call it hatred.

I understand having my parents help support the fees for an apartment would be a dependency issue but I think it would be a step in the right direction. Right now I am almost 100% dependent and living in their house. The only things I don't depend on them for are my animals and a few other luxury items. If I were to move out I would be paying for part of the rent which I imagine my part will steadily increase as things get more stable and I get a better job. I will have to do all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and general upkeep of an apartment (or other living area). It would force me to be more independent and I believe that is something I need to move forward. Another term of my agreement with my parents is I would have to be doing some sort of classes. I found a nice dog trainer program that I would really love to do unfortunately their classes are full right now so I would have to wait until there's a spot so I will have time to save up.

I do truly believe that in my current spot in life moving out is the next step for me. I've been stuck in the same spot for a few years now in terms of life progression and I feel it would give me that extra push to really grow. I will talk to my parents about non-apartment options but I live in a rather expensive area so I dont have a lot of hope for anything more than a small apartment but I would be happy with that.

 

[noodles123]

Hi sailboat I completely understand what you are saying but I think you misunderstood me a little. I have never lived in an apartment, I have lived in the same house my entire life. Due to this very bad memories are tied to just about every room in the house, and I live in a decently sized house. I have been seeing this specific therapist for many years now as I was in a really bad place for a very long time. I do trust her and I know her intentions are well meaned and I know she doesn't want me seeing her long term and truly wants to see me get better. I am glad you are willing to correct past mistakes, but others would rather stay blind and pretend the past never happened. My parents are like that. I've tried to talk to them and my offending brother multiples times and they refuse to acknowledge anything went wrong. My relationship with my entire family has gotten a lot better over the last few years and it's not something I entirely feel needs to be improved anymore. And even if there is room for improvement, it's hard to heal a wound when its constantly being re-afflicted. And I believe that's what my therapist is referring to in this house being a not great environment for me. When my eldest brother moved out I originally had a very strained relationship with him that could easily be called hatred and pure mistrust. He was a tormentor my entire life up to that point and not in an innocent sibling quarrel kind of way. He was ruthless and abusive and I never thought I would have any kind of relationship with him besides hatred. However distance let us both heal and come to terms with things, and while we still have a strained relationship I wouldn't call it hatred.

I understand having my parents help support the fees for an apartment would be a dependency issue but I think it would be a step in the right direction. Right now I am almost 100% dependent and living in their house. The only things I don't depend on them for are my animals and a few other luxury items. If I were to move out I would be paying for part of the rent which I imagine my part will steadily increase as things get more stable and I get a better job. I will have to do all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and general upkeep of an apartment (or other living area). It would force me to be more independent and I believe that is something I need to move forward. Another term of my agreement with my parents is I would have to be doing some sort of classes. I found a nice dog trainer program that I would really love to do unfortunately their classes are full right now so I would have to wait until there's a spot so I will have time to save up.

I do truly believe that in my current spot in life moving out is the next step for me. I've been stuck in the same spot for a few years now in terms of life progression and I feel it would give me that extra push to really grow. I will talk to my parents about non-apartment options but I live in a rather expensive area so I dont have a lot of hope for anything more than a small apartment but I would be happy with that.

I live right outside of a major city---technically part of the metro area (within 20 minutes of the city ) and the housing prices drop SIGNIFICANTLY if you look in the right places. I wouldn't be able to afford a house in the city (unless it was in a bad area) so I live in a smaller town that is pretty blue-collar and has a lot of really cool/cheap houses. You may have to look a bit farther from where you are in order to find a place, but it's going to be a lot of stress in general to live on your own for the first time (at least potentially) which is why I would say house or duplex if it all possible (way easier when you don't have to worry about yourself, your pet and EVERYONE ELSE)

 

[Laurasea]

Hi owlet!
I hope you get to find a great place to live. Despite any past stuff, it that time in a person life to take the next step in Independence.

As a young woman , I always choose the top floor, as I felt this was safer.

Much live to you! I celebrate your next step!

 

[noodles123]

Hi owlet!
I hope you get to find a great place to live. Despite any past stuff, it that time in a person life to take the next step in Independence.

As a young woman , I always choose the top floor, as I felt this was safer.

Much live to you! I celebrate your next step!

Yes-- or at least a floor where someone would need a ladder to get to any balcony or glass doors/windows. There are often fewer bugs when you aren't on the ground floor as well. The only drawback to living off of the ground-floor is moving groceries/furniture and the risk that is present during severe weather/tornado. I wouldn't want a balcony or window on ground-level in an apartment. I have lived on top, middle and ground floors, and I prefer the middle.

For your own safety (bird concerns aside) as a single female, I would also recommend window jams and door jams--- in a lot of cases, this is just a cut bit of pvc pipe (if talking about a sliding door) that keeps it from being pried open (it blocks the slider on something like a sliding glass balcony door).
For the front door, I would recommend this:

^ you just put it under the lock whenever you go to bed and it is a nice added bit of security and it DOES work on carpet.
I would also put a flap over your peep-hole (something like a bit of clear tape folded over itself and taped above the peep-hole so that it covers it until you lift it up, without making a lot of noise when you do lift it up. You want to be able to look out without someone knowing you are looking out (and you can see through an uncovered peep-hole if you try).
Most land-lords will also allow you to install an added chain lock as long as their maintenance people do it and you request permission. Again-- sounds paranoid, but it's a nice added bit of security. I am not a paranoid person (outside of my bird) but I can tell you that my life experiences have caused me to advise you this way.

I didn't start off with any of these things. I got them because there are creepy people in the world. I have been fine, and you will be too, but it's important to protect yourself when you are alone.

I am a 30-something female who has lived without roommates from the time I was 23 and these are the things I wish I had always had (the door bar thing made a HUGE difference for me about 3 years ago). Oh--- and get to know your (non-scary) neighbors and always close the blinds at sunset unless you have someone in your apartment with you who could be intimidating to a creepy person on the outside.

Never answer the door to anyone you don't know-- even if they seem official. They will understand if they aren't up to something. My only exclusion to this rule was UPS when I KNEW I was expecting a package-- but then again, many complexes allow packages to be dropped at the office and that is a safer option.