another new member

[Motto]

I was looking for advice and found this. Unlike nearly everyone here no "solution" has been achieved after years with our conure. My husband bought her and I've been utterly miserable. All of her care falls on me because he didn't fully visualize what having a cute talking bird actually looked like. I'm the one who feeds her, gives her water, plays with her, makes sure she is comfortable and has a budgie friend, keeps her cage (which is a huge tower thing) clean, and cover her routinely at night. Yes I've spoken with husband about it. He works long hours and doesn't want to spend his time with her. But he still loves her of course.

Her noises hurt my ears and brain. Her sad noises, her happy noises, her morning noises. It shatters my mind and causes me distress to the point of sitting in the car in our driveway crying. And of course I can still hear her. I think I have sensitive ears. She bites our children, and leaves her droppings all over the furniture. We can't have a dog or a cat because of the potential threat. Her NOISE. I'm so glad everyone else seems to be in love or surviving their spouses cute idea but for those out there who feel the marriage has been damaged, you're not alone.

I feel very hurt and unloved due to the suffering she causes me and my husband's indifference because she's so cute and he saw conures on the internet and wanted one. People who get birds or any pet that torments their spouse ... what is wrong with you? Selfish and inconsiderate are understatements.

P.S. I'm kind to our bird. I don't hate her. It's not her fault for existing and for my husband buying her. I just can't take the noise, the biting, the poop, and the social neediness. I already have children. Sadly this one won't be leaving the house but lives forever?

 

[Motto]

Hi we have a conure. Can't wait to get some advice in here. Her noise makes me miserable.
We've had her for years and she seems pretty happy. Definitely taken care of and played with. I fantasize about her dying so I can regain my sanity, but a peaceful death. No suffering. Just permanently not existing. If my husband gets another bird I'm leaving.

Hope everyone's having a good day.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

Wow! I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I also thank you for taking care of his bird despite your misery. Have you tried earplugs? If that doesn't help, and I hate to say this, have you considered finding a new home for her where she would be loved well taken care of? Rehoming is a last resort but you shouldn't have to suffer like this and your bird should have a home where she isn't resented so much.

 

[Corkscr.ew]

I'm sorry. Unfortunately, impulse-buys are very common and I'm sure there are many people in your situation.

If you have tried noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs, changing her diet, increasing her sleep, and training and interacting with her as much as possible, there aren't many more ways to stop her from making noise. This goes double because you have a conure which immediately puts your bird on the noisier side compared to most other small birds. Biting may be a result of inadequate diet or attention, both of which you should focus on if you have time. Sleep can also be a huge factor into aggression. Mess can be reduced but the only way to eliminate it is by confining your bird to her cage.

Also: having a bird should definitely not compromise your marriage or quality of life, so if this continues despite your efforts (and this seems to be the case) I would consider rehoming.

 

[wrench13]

Look none of us is a marriage counselor, but I would think that there might be more then just this parrot involved in the unpleasantness of the living situation here. A long, frank discussion with your husband is in order, at minimum about the sharing of responsibilities for this bird and possibly quite a lot more. Parrots do respond to training, when it is done properly and everyone adheres to the rules, so some of your complaints could be addressed, however excessive noise is one that is super hard to control, if at all.

 

[rheashard2]

A talk with husband and a counselor is recommended. This can happen no matter the pet; dogs, cats, fish, reptiles. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Wonderful advice above...
I've had a monster conure for 40 years, and have adopted a bizarre comical coexistence. Everybody hates him. He's awful...in good part due to my bad behavior management... but he's still awful. But I adore him... he's strangely my link with Eternity and Nature (mi enlace con la Naturaleza, as we say in Spanish), and i couldn't do without him. Most friends/family endure him. lamenting that I'm so eccentric (in mannnnnny ways). I got him as a 3-month-old chick, and he's mine. Into Eternity. Yeah, I'm probably nuts. No.. ECCENTRIC!
Thanks for sharing. Very best of luck. If you'd like to message me for support, I'd be glad to reply.
I'm glad you're here.

 

[rheashard2]

I agree with above. Had my CAG since she was 3.5 months old. She'll be 21 yo in a few months. She chose me. I am hers! I tried to keep her from becoming a tyrant. The success depends on what I have and what she wants.